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SOAPBOX:
Arguing on the Internet
Dear Phrank
To the Little Man
END TIMES HOME
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SOAPBOX:
Arguing on the Internet
Which of these four do not belong: Diving,
Baseball, Arguing on the Internet, or
Bobsledding?
If you answered bobsledding, you
are absolutely correct!
Arguing on the Internet has just
been added to the lineup of competitive
sports for the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing.
For the first time, the scrawny nerds,
witty geeks, and moderately obese have
a chance to prove their almost meaningless
existence to the world�while sitting
at their computers. All contestants will be
flown to Beijing, and locked in individual
cubicles to protect their integrity and poor
self-esteem�especially considering that
for most of them, this will be the first time
in 20 years that they would leave the comfort
of their parents� basement.
I, for one, am absolutely appalled
by this move by the Olympic Committee.
Sure, there�s proof that NBC lobbied to
have more modern �competitive events�
added to the lineup. It seems that the word
�sports� has become obsolete and politically
incorrect�a factor increased tenfold
by the drastic ratings drop NBC suffered
after showing the Olympic Games for
two weeks.
But� �Arguing on the Internet� �?
If the world truly needs to find
new ways to excite the outcasts of society,
then perhaps the Olympic Committee
should consider my ideas for new sports.
That�s right. I said �sports.� Eat that,
NBC!
- Techno-Gadgetry: An obvious winner for
the Japanese in which contestants compete
to design the most useless gadget or device
to operate in a Bluetooth-driven society.
- Hog-Wrestling: Nothing says �Red-Neck�
than trying to catch a pig in a large puddle
of mud.
- Body Decoration: Finally, an outlet for
the modern-day goth and punk rocker to
transform the human body into a pierced,
tattooed and wild-hairstyled piece of art.
Unfortunately, there�s no promise
that the changes to the event lineup
will save the Olympic�s broadcast rating,
or even the falling interest levels that exist
worldwide. If the world truly wants a
decent outlet everyone can agree on, then
perhaps it�s time to enact the world�s first
holiday: A day set aside in the month of
September to celebrate Leonardo da Vinci�s
invention of a pair of scissors.
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