2:00pm Password. ask her to check in her Counter. tell her it probably fell out Duct tape over all the airvents she Find on the pc. grudgingly offer to That. Janitor comes back. wants more Wednesday Irate user calls to say chipset has Them of course, they should have Sheepish user apologizes and hangs 9:10am Returns to office. schedules 10:00am To talk to support manager about Manager about to go into meeting. 10:00am For me. go to support manager's But can suggest several lateral career In third-world countries with moderate Ask if he's aware of new bug which Databases and puts all references to Marketing on the corporate web Meeting is adjourned as he reaches 10:30am Show him mainframe corporate pbx 11:00am 4:55pm 5:00pm Thursday New guy (marvin) started today. "nice Wiring closet, and technical library. set Quit whining, notes runs the same in 8:45am Him i'll create new id for him. set Grab smoke. Introduce louie the custodian to This 11:00am Leaves. fish spare dominos out of (always have backups). user calls, Ethernet cable from radio antenna Hub. Customer! Brief marvin on corporate policy Employees Enjoy all proper aspects with said Obligated to provide substance and Senior technical analyst on shift. Policy database (a fine piece of work, That's double pepperoni and no Over 1:00pm 4:30pm Marvin scanning want ads. Shift change. flick hr's server off and On/off button...). see ya tomorrow. 8:00am Supply in hr server. 9:00am Start answering these calls myself. 9:02am Can't replicate. me and the oiuji Them to call telecommunications. Good god, another user! they're like Replicate with des moines. tell him it's Difference. suggest he reset the time 10:17am Mail to san diego. tell them to set 11:00am Everybody to quit resetting the time Servers. i change the date stamp and 11:20am Phone back on hook. Milwaukee calls, asks what day it is. Support manager stops by to say Good help... i respond. support With Asks if i mind sitting in on the Him. no problem! Call louie and tell him opportunity This afternoon. yeah, sure. you can 12:00am 1:00pm Route them to device null to make Fast. Full weekly backups done. man, i love 2:30pm Management database. cancel Appointment for him. he really should 2:39pm How to create a connection Them to run connection document Them to call microsupport. Support manager calls to say mixup at Cancelled. says he's just going to go Corporate web page lately. Another (novice) user calls. says They Formula. promise to send them Addendum which says so. Finish changing foreground color in all Size to 2 in help databases. User calls to say they can't see To Key, and then refresh. promise to Which says so. Another user calls. says they can't It. hang up. change font to wingdings. Plug coffee maker into ethernet hub 5:00pm Is acting funny and to A woman walks into the downtown "wow," the social worker exclaims, "yep they are all mine," the flustered Question a thousand times before All the children rush to find seats. You must be here to sign up. "this one's my oldest--he is leroy." "well, this one he is leroy, also." the Eyebrow but continues. All boys, all named leroy. Girl, named leighroy! "i'm seeing a pattern Their momma replied, "well, yes--it To get them out of bed and ready for An' when it's time for dinner, i just Arunnin.' Running into the street, i It's the smartest idea i ever The social worker thinks this over for And says tentatively, "but what if Not the whole bunch?" Subject: a woman's prayer dear lord: Not gossiped, lost my temper, been Self indulgent. Any chocolate. Bed in a few minutes and i will need Lot more help after that. Book ** woman don't make fools of men -- Types. Is a health reason: you're sick of him. The boss at home. he probably lies ** the woman's work that is never Husband to do. Heart is through his stomach you're ** go for younger men. you might as ** a man who can dress himself Is unquestionably gay. Have different faces so you can > ** definition of a man with manners ** whenever you meet a man who Usually find that he is. Something that can do the work of ** there are a lot of words you can Caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but ** men are like animals -- messy, But they make great pets. Words that are offensive to men - ** husbands are like children -- Else's. Attention deficit disorder I have aaadd: age activated How it goes... Start to the garage and Going to work on the car... Mail. lay car keys down on Notice the waste can is Desk. Trashcan, but since i'm Address a few bills.... yes, There's only one Checks? oh, there is my Desk. i'm going to look for those But first i need to put the cup back in The kitchen, look out the window, Of water. i put the cup on the Of glasses on the kitchen counter. Just put them away... Flowers. i head for the door Remote on the wrong spot. Water the flowers. End of day: oil in car not changed, In the sink, checkbook still has only Keys, ...and, when i try to figure out Nothing got done today, i'm baffled I know i was busy all day! i realize I'd get help... By the way, the doctor told me that Contagious and that it can be Want to avoid aaadd, don't read this I meant to put this warning at the Got distracted. sorry. Computers Computer store. can i help you? Home office in the den, and i'm Abbot: mac? Abbot: your computer? Want to buy one. Costello: i told you, my name is bud. Costello: why? does it get stuffy? Windows? When i look out the windows? Costello: never mind the windows. i Abbot: software that runs on Costello: no, on the computer! i need Writeproposals, track expenses. you You got? Costello: yeah, for my office. can Abbot: i just did. Abbot: recommended something. Something? Costello: for my office? Costello: okay, what did you Abbot: office. Abbot: office for windows. It already has windows! let's say i'm Type a proposal. what do i need? Costello: if i'm writing a proposal, i'm What program do i load? Costello: what word? Costello: the only word in office is Abbot: the word in office for Costello: which word in "office for Abbot: the word you get when you Costello: i'm going to click your big w Answer.� let's forget about words for Watch a movie over the internet? Costello: maybe a real movie, maybe Your business. but what do i need to Abbot: realone. Want to watch reels two, three and Abbot: of course. Abbot: realone. Computer and i want to watch a Abbot: you click the blue 1. Abbot: the blue 1. Blue w? Realone. the blue w is word. Abbot: the word in office for Costello: but there's three words in Abbot: no, just one. but it's the most Costello: it is? Aren't many other words left. it Much wiped out all the other words. One? With word. realone isn't even part of Costello: never mind; i don't want to Also need something for bank You have to help me track my Abbot: money. Have? Costello: i need money to track my Abbot: no, not really. it comes Costello: what comes bundled with my Abbot: money. My computer? Costello: i get a bundle of money with Much money do i get? Costello: i get a copy of money. isn't Abbot: no. we have a license from Costello: microsoft can license you to Abbot: why not? they own it. To get free money, but i'll still need to Managing your money? Program disappeared years ago. Place? Costello: you sell money? Computer from us, you get it for free. I'll be running a business. do you Accounting? Costello: probably, but it might get a Abbot: if you don't want simply Costello: m.y.o.b.? what does that Abbot: mind your own business. Abbot: no, that would be i.b.y.p. i said Costello: look, i just need to do some You know-accounting? you do it with Abbot: of course you can do Need more. Abbot: more than money. money can't Costello: i don't need a sermon! okay, Moment.� i'm worried that my Crash. and if my computer crashes, Abbot: goback. Computer smashing and i need Do you recommend? Costello: how many times do i have Abbot: i've never asked you to Goback. Haven't even been anywhere? okay, Proposal? Costello: but i'll need lots of words to Abbot: no, you only need one word - Costello: but there's three words Abbot: hello? hello? customers! why Well. Steven thode Windows 95 Days!!!!!! Abbott: yes, lou? Abbott: that's great, lou. what did Costello: a pentium ii-266, with 40 And a 24x cd-rom. Costello: but i don't know what any Abbott: you will in time. To see you. Costello: i heard that you're a real Abbott: well, i don't know . . . Stuff. and you're going to train me. Costello: uh huh. and i am here for Abbott: o.k. lou. what do want to Costello: i am having no problem Should be very careful how you turn Abbott: that's true. New computer and i want to turn it Abbott: well, first you press the Costello: no, i told you i want to turn Abbott: i know, you press the start Costello: wait a second. i want to So tell me what to do. Costello: when? The start button. Button? Costello: i press start to stop? Stop the computer. Press? Costello: start what? Costello: start button to do what? Costello: you don't have to get rude! I meant. Abbott: to shut down the Costello: don't say, "start!" To say? The computer, i am willing to Button and cease and desist button, No one in their right mind presses the Abbott: but that's what you do. Stop signs, and stop at green lights. Costello: i'm being ridiculous? well, i This conversation. About? Conversation right now. good-bye. Steven thode Blonde Country road when she spots a Boat. she pulls over to the side of Road and stops the car. staring in The road to watch the woman for a Any more she called out to the Rowing a boat in the middle of the Rowing Ocean of wheat.� The road is furious. she yells at the You that give the rest of us a bad Shrugged her shoulders and began The blonde on the side of the road At the blonde in the field then yelled, Out there and kick your butt.� A pious man, who had reached the To Fellow's absence after so many years faithful attendance, the rabbi went health, so the rabbi asked, "how See Tell you, rabbi," he whispered. "when Take me any day. but then i got to 95, then 100, then 105. so, i Must've Want to remind him!" Subject: abstaining from sex for Three couples; an elderly couple, a A young newlywed couple wanted to Said, �we have special requirements You must abstain from having sex The couples agreed and came back The pastor went to the elderly couple Able to abstain from sex for the two Replied, �no problem at all, pastor.� Welcome to the church!� said the The pastor went to the middle-aged Were you able to abstain from sex Man replied, �the first week was not Week i had to sleep on the couch for But, yes, we made it.� Church!� said the pastor. Newlywed couple and asked, �well, For two weeks?� �no pastor, For the two weeks,� the young Happened?� inquired the pastor. �my On the top shelf and dropped Was overcome with lust There.� �you understand, of This means you will not be welcome in Pastor. �we�re not welcome at home depot Subject: dumb& dummer Bank billed her for february and Charge on her credit card, and then Monthly charge...the balance had Around $60.00) i placed the following Me: "i am calling to tell you that she Citibank: "the account was never Still apply." To collections..." Due, it already has been." Find out she is dead?" To the frauds division, or report her Me: "do you think god will be mad at Citibank:"...excuse me ....?" Telling you.... the part about her Citibank: "sir, you'll have to speak to The phone) January." Closed and the late fees and charges Me: "you mean you want to collect Citibank: ".....(stammer)" "are you Me: "no, i'm her great nephew." Citibank: "could you fax us a Me: "sure." ( fax number is given ) Citibank: "our system just isn't setup Me: "oh..." Can do to help..." Great! if not, you could just keep Think she will care...." Charges do still apply." Address?" Me: " ( odessa memorial cemetery Given. ) Me: "what do you do with dead Steven thode Acts of life And standing on the shore like an I don�t suffer from insanity; i enjoy Did you ever walk into a room and That�s how dogs spend their lives. Worshipped as gods. cats have Don�t worry about the world ending Australia. Best friend. inside of a dog, it�s too Character is what you are. Are. The sexes. there�s too much Drive carefully. it�s not only cars I have several hobbies i enjoy to the Collection i keep scattered on all the You�ve seen it? 44th floor who steps back to admire A man usually feels better after a Back. Enemies accumulate. Proposition doesn�t understand two 1 - women, 2 - fractions. Insult is to ignore it. if you can�t Laugh at it. if you can�t laugh at it, Probably deserved. Saved. And a grave is the depth. Sent: monday, february 21, To: shanan l. thode (e-mail); (e-mail); bill raley (e-mail); bob Shorkey (e-mail); brett thompson (e- Muffett (e-mail); dan gilmore (e- Bourdeau (e-mail); gregory shepherd Morrison (e-mail); john eichner (e- Gretton (e-mail 2); lennie collins (e- Decrease (e-mail); sam chance (e- Subject: actual ad in the london > an actual ad in the london times. > With good > legs who appreciates a good fuc- > king without getting too serious. > but please only read lines 1,3 and Subject: actual aircraft transmissions Exchanges between The world: Busy pattern told the Sixty (do a complete Between aircraft). You know it costs Three-sixty in this Controller Dollars worth!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A dc-10 had an exceedingly long roll With his approach speed just a little San jose tower: "american 751 heavy, End, if able. if not able, take the Off of highway 101 and make a right Return to the airport. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was a really nice day, right about Piper malibu was being vectored into Airliners in order to land at kansas Kc approach: "malibu three-two- Following a 727, one o'clock and Three-two-charlie: "we've got him. Kc approach: "delta 105, your traffic Malibu, eleven o'clock and three That traffic?" Thick southern Down there. can't
