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,coca-cola will help loosen grease

,stains.

,it will also clean road haze from your

,windshield.

,and we drink this stuff!!

,subject: 10 signs that indicate

,you're too stressed:

,> 1. relatives that have been dead for

way home and pay me back!
steven thode
subject: 10th child not like the rest
a very elderly couple is having an
elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th
wedding anniversary. the old man
leans forward and says softly to his
wife,
�dear, there is something that i must
ask you. it has always bothered me
that our tenth child never quite
looked like the rest of our children.
now
i want to assure you that these 75
years have been the most wonderful
experience i could have ever hoped
for, and your answer cannot take
that
all that away. but, i must know, did
he have a different father?�

Dan marino Clinton - by osama bin laden Gates By dennis rodman 12. amelia earhart's guide to the 11. america's most popular lawyers 9. a collection of motivational 8. everything men know about 7. everything women know about 6. all the men i have loved before - by 5. mike tyson's guide to dating 4. spotted owl recipes - by the epa 2. my plan to find the real killers - by And the world's number one thinnest 1. my book of morals - by bill The rev. jessie jackson Product of the 90"s Means getting the fast food bags out 21. your reason for not staying in Have e-mail addresses. Adding espn's homepage to your 19. you have a "to do list" that Bathroom breaks and they are usually 18. you have actually faxed your 17. pick up lines now include a Gains. Painfully slow. Park or not is rhetorical. As the flat filing cabinet. Multiple colored post-it notes. Refrigerator so long some of the More. Selling lemonade on ways to improve 10. you get all excited when it's Work. Your garden as deliverables. To explain what you do for a living. Machines and at the most expensive The same week. Action plan" and "calendarizing a Phrases. Hotels better than you know your next 4. you ask your friends to "think out Plans. Been more effective had he put his 2. you think a "half-day" means And the number 1 sign you've had too 1. you hear most of your jokes via 25 signs that you have grown Grown up 1. your potted plants are alive. and 2. having sex in a twin-sized bed is 3. you keep more food than beer in 4. 6:00 am is when you get up, not 5. you hear your favorite song in an 6. you carry an umbrella. you watch 7. your friends marry and divorce 8. you go from 130 days of vacation 9. jeans and a sweater no longer 10. you're the one calling the police Don't know how to turn down the 11. older relatives feel comfortable 12. you don't know what time taco 13. your car insurance goes down 14. you feed your dog science diet 15. sleeping on the couch makes 16. you no longer take naps from 17. dinner and a movie - the whole One. At 3 a.m. would severely upset, 19. you go to the drugstore for And 20. a $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 21. you actually eat breakfast foods 22. "i just can't drink the way i used To drink that much again." Front of a computer is for real 24. you don't drink at home to save 25. you read this entire list looking for > > 25 signs you've grown up > >> 1. your house plants are alive, > >> 2. having sex in a twin bed is out > >> 3. you keep more food than beer >> > 4. 6:00 am is when you get up, > >> 5. you hear your favorite song >> > 6. you watch the weather > >> 7. your friends marry and divorce > >> 8. you go from 130 days of > >> 9. jeans and a sweater no longer > >>10. you're the one calling the Door >>> 11. older relatives feel You. Taco bell closes anymore. Down and your payments go up. Diet instead of mcdonalds leftovers. Your back hurt. Noon to 6 pm. Whole date instead of the beginning >>>>>one. Wings at 3 am would severely upset, Stomach. For ibuprofen and antacid, not >>> > pregnancy tests. Longer "pretty good stuff." Food at breakfast time. Used to," replaces, "i'm never going > >>> drink that much again." In front of a computer is for real > >>24. you no longer drink at A bar. Looking desperately for one sign that > >>> apply to you.� � � Says 25. i'll swallow it all . . . i love the 24. are you sure you've had enough 23. i'm bored. let's shave my pussy! With your buddies? Another one! Clothes around the house. Over. Drink beer with you than go 17. let's subscribe to hustler. You can check out women's 15. i'll be out painting the house. Sundays, i just wish you 13. honey..our new neighbor's See! But would you please try 11. no, no, i'll take the car to have 10. your mother is way better than 9. do me a favor, forget the stupid Yourself new clubs. Anniversary comes every year for The guys, it's a wonderful stress 7. oh come on, what do ya say we Of beer, and have my friend heather 6. christ, not the fucking mall again, New strip joint! The both of us, why don't Handicap down to 7 or 8. Now stop getting up for 3. i signed up for yoga so that i can Head for you. Down on my girlfriend? 1. god..if i don't get to blow Subject: 25 things you should have Reached middle age ... by the time you have reached Brains will fall out. 2. age is a very high price to pay for A christian, any more than standing For natural stupidity. 5. if you must choose between two Before. 6. my idea of housework is to sweep Supports the notion that life is Permission. 9. for every action, there is an equal Picture, you probably need the trip. 11. bills travel through the mail at All of your other parts feel so good. 14. men are from earth. women are Doing the dishes. 16. a balanced diet is a cookie in The mind and narrowness of the Going than coming. 19. junk is something you've kept for Before you need it. 20. there is always one more It enables you to recognize a mistake Meet, they move the ends. 23. thou shalt not weigh more than Provides a nice contrast to the real Butt look fat. Subject: 25 ways to annoy a 25 ways to annoy a yankee When doing anything. Words with two. Finish with �it�s right down yonder on 4. talk real slow, and ask Can understand what they�re saying. Nostalgically about the north, tell �em 6. talk loudly and often about 7. refer to every soft drink as 8. always order sweet tea When they don�t have it, raise a 9. offer to send �em a bottle 10. insist on being addressed Lisa marie-john michael-jim bob) War of northern aggression� in The words �civil war�, always �there was nothing civil about it.� And females as �little lady�. Of certain words. 14. put tabasco on 15. for new york yankees: act State of new york is new york city. From upstate new yoik!�,say , �well See a broadway show!� Offer to bring dessert. Banana ones. �bubba�. Sentence. Lights. Something. Something. 21. tell them you don�t have They do. Ma�am/sir� in all conversations.. Ramble on when giving directions. Highway and turn left at where the They turned it into a amoco. or There. . .� Turn left there and follow it until you Remember when that fish used to be 24. ask them if it�s still snowing Then tell �em you went driving around 25. call �em a yankee. works Ps. you also ought to explain the Between a yankee and a Mailbits.com: daily jokes!subject: 29 Off and read a book. part i Sign off and read a book. part i 2. you forgot how to work the tv 3. you fall asleep, but instead of 4. you meet the mailman at the curb 5. you sign off and your screen says Minutes. Scream, "lol, lol." You? your phones have been 8. you buy a laptop and a cell phone 9. you beg your friends to get an 10. you get a second phone line just Subject: 29 reasons why you might Part ii Sign off and read a book. part ii Room to give tech support. "heh, heh, heh" instead of laughing. Someone asks what it was you said. Computer when everyone goes to 15. you talk on the phone with the Instant message to. Off line and wish that you had your 17. you start to experience For a while. Mail sounds a little like this...."brb. 19. you sit on aol for 6 hours for On. Online before getting your coffee. With.....three or more periods....... License plate with your screen name 23. you think faster than the 24. you enter a room and get {{{hugs}}} and **kisses**. Insult to you. Brb. Recommends a drug test for the 28. "where did the time go?" Computer by the jaws-of- life! To: funny from bob shorkey Subject: 3 blondes: what is easter? Pearly gates of heaven. st. peter Gates if they can answer one simple St. peter asks the first blonde, �what The blonde replies, �oh, that�s easy! Everyone gets together, eats �wrong!,� replies st. peter, and The same question, �what is easter?� The holiday in december when we Presents, and celebrate the birth of St. peter looks at the second blonde, She�s wrong, and then peers over his And asks, �what is easter?� And looks st. peter in the eyes, �i �oh?� says st. peter, incredulously. Coincides with the jewish celebration Were eating at the last supper Turned over to the romans by one of The romans took him to be crucified Made to wear a crown of thorns, Through his hands. Which was sealed off by a large St. peter smiles broadly with delight. Year the boulder is moved aside so Sees his shadow, there will be six Subject: 3 fetuses Woman's stomach, and they were Be when birthed and grown up. Plumber." the others laughed at this, He replied, "so i can fix the pipes in The second one said, "i wanna be an This and asked "why an Some lights in here, it's dark!" Boxer." the others thought this was Full 5 minutes, before asking, "why in Boxer?" he replied, "so i Guy who keeps coming in here and Subject: 3 gay deaths To be cremated. their lovers At the same time, and were What they planned to do with the The first man said, �my benny loved Scatter his ashes in the sky.� Good fisherman, so i�m going to Lake.� A good lover, i think i�m going to Can tear my ass up just one Steven thode In a train compartment, there are 3 Four passengers join in conversation, Erotic. Each of you will give me $1.00, i will Charmed by this young girl, all pull a And then the girl pulls up her dress a Then she says, �if each of you Show you my thighs,� and men being Dollar bill. the girl pulls up her dress Conversation continues, and the Their coats. Give me $100, i will show you where i All three fork over the money. the Points outside at a building they�re That�s the hospital where i had it Subject: 3 most hated words Q. the three words most hated by A. 'is it in?'

When having sex Steven thode Three women are about to be Redhead and one�s a blonde. Forward and the executioner asks if No and the executioner shouts, Suddenly the brunette yells, And looks around as the brunette The guard brings the redhead She has any last requests. she say �ready! Suddenly the redhead yells, Startled and looks around, while the By now the blonde has it all figured Forward. the executioner asks if she And the executioner shouts, �ready! �fire!� Can say to a naked man Than that. >> > >2. ahhhh, it's cute. >> > >3. why don't we just cuddle? >> > >4. you know they have >> > > >> > > On it? >> > >7. wow, and your feet are >> > > It. >> > >9. will it squeak if i squeeze >> > > Headache. >> > >11. (giggle and point) >> > >12. can i be honest with >> > > Incense. >> > >14. this explains your big >> > > Grow. >> > >16. why is god punishing >> > > Long. >> > >18. i never saw one like that >> > > >> > > >> > > Natural light. >> > >22. why don't we skip right >> > > >> > > First. >> > >25. is that an optical illusion? >> > >26. what is that? >> > >27. it's a good thing you >> > > With clean, straight, regular thrusts. Great triangular hip bones into her Pain is equal to two weeks of Few seconds. Fear. with reason. if you shoot Her eyes, make sure you have a Too. Appear to you that humping for an Climaxing is the mark of a sex god, A numb vagina. at least She has something to hold her Marathon man. Really ought to be able to tell. most If you really don't know, don't ask Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer Your whole mouth down there, and Flicking your tongue on her 24) nudging her head down. men Eyeball-to-penis, hoping that Penis. all women hate this. it's about Dragged to a cave by their hair. if Yours; try talking seductively 25) not warning her before you Mixedwith egg She's performing oral sex, warn her Can do what's necessary. Don't thrust. she'll do all the moving Just lie there. and don't grab her 27) taking ettiquette adive from porn Seem to love it Real life, it just means more laundry 28) making her ride on top for ages. There grunting Not. caress her gently, so that she Like the captain of a schooner. and 29) attempting anal sex and How men earn a Follow directions. if you want to put Think that being drunk is an excuse. Says, "can i take a photo of you?" "__to show my buddies." at least let 31) not being imaginative enough. Patterns on her Licking it off. fruit, vegetables, ice Props; hot candle wax and 32) slapping your stomach againt As sexy as a 33) aranging her in stupid poses. if Bed, fine, but unless Too ambitious. ask yourself if you Snapped hamstrings. This carefully: anal stimulation feels Because they have a prostate. 35) giving love bites. it is highly On the sides of the neck, if To have to wear turtlenecks and End. Encouragement like a coach with a A big turn-on. Like a lonely magazine editor calling a Likes nasty talk, she'll let you know You have to finish the job. keep on It right, and she might even do the 39) squashing her. men generally On her a bit too heavily, 40) not thanking her. don't forget You're lucky to have that Thank her with both words and Steven thode Would never say Hear a southerner �ve had to South they�ve The skunks are 39. �i�ll take shakespeare for 1000, 38. duct tape won�t fix that. Michael. Heineken. House. Trimmer? 32. i thought graceland was tacky. Up, it�s not safe. 29. honey, did you mail that 28. we�re vegetarians. 26. i�ll have grapefruit instead of 25. honey, do these bonsai trees 24. who�s richard petty? Rinds. Decor. 20. i just couldn�t find a thing at wal- 19. trim the fat off that steak. Espresso. Big. Salad. 14. unsweetened tea tastes better. Or broiled? Registered at tiffany�s. Super bowl. Too many fat grams. 8. she�s too old to be wearing a 7. does the salad bar have bean 6. hey, here�s an episode of �hee 5. i don�t have a favorite college 4. be sure to bring my salad dressing 3. i believe you cooked those green 2. those shorts ought to be a little And the #1 thing you would never 1. elvis who? Subject: third grade questions A first-grade teacher was having With one of her students. The teacher asked, "harry what is Problem?" harry answered, "i'm Sister is in Smarter than she is! i think i should Third-grade too!" Took harry While harry waited in the outer Teacher explained to the Principal Give the boy a test and if he failed to Any of his questions he was Behave. the Harry was brought in and the Were explained to him and Principal: "what is 3 x 3?" Principal: "what is 6 x 6?" And so it went with every question Principal thought a third-grade The teacher Harry can go to the third-grade." Me The principal and harry both agree. Have Harry, after a moment, "legs." You The principal wondered, why does Such a question! Teacher: "what does a dog do that a Steps into?" Teacher: what's starts with a c and With a t, is hairy, oval, Liquid? The principal's eyes open really wide Before he could stop the Teacher: what goes in hard and pink Comes out soft and sticky? Teacher: what does a man do Woman do sitting down and a The principal's eyes open really wide Before he could stop the answer. Teacher: now i will ask some "who am Sort of questions, okay? Teacher: you stick your poles inside You tie me down to get me up. Harry: tent Fiddle The best man always has me first. Tense. Teacher: i come in many sizes. when Well, i drip. when you blow me, you Harry: nose Penetrates. i come with a quiver. Teacher: what word starts with an 'f' Ends in 'k' that means a lot of Harry: firetruck And Harry in the fifth-grade, i missed the Questions myself." Subject: 40 year-old daughter with A 60 year old woman came home one Daughter's bedroom. she opened Old "what are you doing? asked the "mom i am 40 years old and look at Married The mother walked out of the room, The next day the father came home Bedroom His daughter using a vibrator. "what Hell are you doing?", he asked. Mom. i am 40 years old and ugly. i Close as i'll ever get to a husband." Shaking his head too. To find her husband with a beer in on & the vibrator in the other hand, "for christ's sake, what are you The husband replied. "why are you Doing?" shouted the dad. "i'm having My new Steven thode Know without the movies ****************** Know without the movies... ****************** Will be Once. Begin with the 3) if being chased through town, you Take cover in a passing st. patrick�s At any time of the year. Cover sheets A woman but Beside her. At least one 6) it�s easy for anyone to land a