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,thirty minutes before the ham is

,finished, remove the foil, allowing the

,drippings to mix with the coke for

,a

,sumptuous brown gravy.

,to remove grease from clothes: empty

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bill works friday afternoons and john
doesn't, john should
come to her house around 2:00 pm
on friday.
friday came and john went to her
house at 2:00 pm. after paying her
$100 they went to the
bedroom, had sex, and then john left.
bill came home about 6:00 pm. he
asked his wife, "did john come by this
afternoon?"
reluctantly, she replied, "yes, he did
stop by for a few minutes."
next bill asked, "did john give you
$100?"
she thinks 'oh hell, he knows!' finally
she says, "yes, he did give me $100."
"good," bill says. "john came by the
office this morning and borrowed
$100 from me. he said that

Los angeles, ca - ani saduki, 33 and Nest from a shed on their property Pineapple is an illegal firecracker One-half stick of dynamite. they Watch Window some 10 feet away from the Explosion shattered the window Seriously lacerating ani. deciding ani Headed out to go to a nearby Car, Surviving bees. unbeknownst to To bee venom and died of En route to the hospital. Derrick l. richards, 28, was charged Degree murder in the death of his Richards Man asked a colleague at the Stab his bulletproof vest to see if it Attack. it didn�t and the 25 year old # 6. Nothing to chance when he decided Top of a tall cliff and tied a noose End of the rope to a large rock. he Clothes. he even tried to shoot Jumped and fired the pistol. the Through the rope above him. free of Into the sea. the sudden dunking Him vomit the poison. he was Out of the water by a kind fisherman He died of hypothermia. Renton, washington - on february 3, Tried to commit a robbery. this was Suggested by the fact that he had And by his terminally stupid choices 1. the target was h&j leather 2. the shop was full of Substantial portion of the adult Concealed handguns in 3. to enter the shop, he had Patrol car parked at the front door. Standing next to the counter, having Upon seeing the officer, the would- Fired a few wild shots. the officer Removing him from the gene pool. Their guns, but didn�t fire. no one 1997 darwin award honorable A. gulf breeze, fl - three Using a home video camera to film an Boys For each character to be ignited by Age 15, prepared the stunt His clothes. the intentional fire, To extinguish, left the young man Arm, torso and both legs. it was all B. in bradford, pa, j. cruwe, Container which he handed to his Startled Excited poisonous snake immediately Survived the wound and Local emergency room. A group of men were drinking beer Rear deck of a home owned by irving Firing at a raccoon that was Apparently impaired their aim and, Estimated 35 the group fired, the Diameter drainage pipe some 100 Determined to terminate the animal, Gasoline and poured some down the Animal out. after several Fuel, michaels emptied the entire 5 Tried to Admit defeat by wildlife, the To slide feet-first approximately 15 The match. the subsequently rapidly Michaels back the way he had Of speed.he exited the angled pipe Submarine, according to witness Was launched directly over his own Astonished friends, onto his 200 feet through the air. there was Flew over us, mcfadden Amazingly, he suffered only minor Michaels said like when they The circus. i�d do it again if i was sure Subject: 1998 high school math test 30 round clip. he usually misses 6 He uses 13 rounds per drive-by Shootings can little johnny attempt He sells an 8 ball to antonio for $320 $85 per gram, what is the street $85 per trick, how many tricks per Support rufus's $800 per day crack Cocaine he bought for $40,000 to Ounces will he need? 5. willie gets $200 for a stolen bmw, $100 for a 4x4. if he steals Many more corvettes must he have Also got $10,000 for the hit. if his $100 per month, how much money Extra credit bonus: how much more Spent his money? 7. if an average can of spray paint Average letter is 3 square feet, With 3 eight ounce cans of spray Gang.there are 27 girls in his gang. Percentage of girls hector knocked Bernie has a boa constrictor that A cost of $5 per rat. if bernie makes Weeks can he feed the Billy skates away at 35 mph, joe Takes joe 20 seconds to load his When he gets whacked? >> They have finally been released! for With the darwin award� Person(s) who provide Biggest service by Extraordinarily stupid ways. Been keen. Are! 1. in september in detroit, a 41- And drowned in two feet of water First through an 18-inch-wide sewer His car keys. Francisco stockbroker, Ran", according to his Foot-high cliff 3. buxton, nc: a man died on a 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the Sat inside it. beachgoers said daniel Hole for fun or protection from the Sitting in a beach chair at the bottom When it collapsed, burying him Sand. people on the beach, on the Hands and shovels, trying to claw Resident of woodbridge, va, but Rescue workers using heavy Him while about 200 people looked Pronounced dead at a hospital. 24, was killed in lompoc, ca, Ceiling of a bicycle shop he was When the long flashlight he had Hands free) rammed into the 5. according to police in dahlonega, Nick berrena, 20, was stabbed to By fellow cadet jeffrey hoffman, 23, That a knife could not penetrate the Was wearing. Killed in february in selbyville, Who said he would not put a His mouth and pull the trigger. Windsor, ontario, daniel In a head-on Game of chicken they 1999 darwin award - honorable 1. in guthrie, okla, in october, jason Millipede with a shot from his 22- Ricocheted off a rock near the hole, Martinez in the head, fracturing his 2. in elyria, ohio, in october, martyn Clean out cobwebs in his basement, In favor of a propane torch and His two-story home. Bonnie were hospitalized in After a quarter-stick of While driving around at 2 am, And tried to toss it out the But they apparently Closed. Betulia, colombia, an Five days of amateur Killed, but dozens of That was gored in the Castrated. said one participant, A thousand morons." Subject: 1999 darwin awards #1 - los angeles. ani saduki, 33, and Bees� nest from a shed on their A Which is the explosive equivalent Ignited the fuse and retreated to From inside their home, behind a Hive/shed. the concussion of the Inwards, Saduki needed stitches, the brothers Hospital. while walking towards their Ani was stung three times by the Either Venom, and died of suffocation en- The hospital. Charged in april in minneapolis with His beloved cousin, kenneth e. Suggested a game of russian Pistol (instead of the more traditional #3 - phillipsburg, nj. an unidentified Death on a sequined pastie he had Dancer at a local establishment. The dancer identified only as Drunk.� Security man asked a colleague at Moscow a bank they were guarding It would protect him against a knife Guard died of a heart wound. (it�s Into the spirit of the darwin awards.) Nothing to chance when he At the top of a tall cliff and tied a Other end of the rope to a large He drank some poison and set fire to Himself at the last moment. he Bullet Through the rope above him. free of Threat of hanging, he plunged into Extinguished the flames and made Dragged out of the water by a kind Hospital, #7 - renton, washington, usa. a Commit a robbery. this was probably The Of violent crime, and by his terminally 1. the target was h&j leather & 2. the shop was full of customers, in Portion of the adult population is Handguns 3. to enter the shop, he had to step Car parked at the front door. Next to the counter, having Upon seeing the officer, the would- Fired a few wild shots. the officer Removing him from the gene pool. Their guns, but didn�t fire. no one And the 1999 darwin award winner Thompson, manitoba, canada. Watchman Christmas morning by excessive Radiation exposure. he was Next to Baker had been suspended on a Violation once last year, according to Spokesperson tanya cooke. she Was Switch and entering a restricted Catwalk in order to stand in front of Coworkers that it was the only way Twelve-hour shift at the station, To forty Microwaves can heat water Same way Ovens. for his christmas shift, baker Beer and a plastic lawn chair, which Positioned directly in line with the Had not been Microwave power planned that night The anticipated increase in holiday Body was discovered by the daytime Greeted Christmas roast he thought baker Prepared as a surprise. burns also That baker�s unfinished beers had Subject: 1999 survival guide for Although pretty foul, i laughed out Dan Taking a dump at work Dump at work. Pooping at work will become a pure Escapee Taking a leak at the urinal or This is usually accompanied by a Panic/embarrassment. Receive when passing an unseen Release an escapee, do not It. pretend it did not happen. if you The urinal, pretend that you did not No one likes an escapee, it is Making a Feel uneasy. Escapee) Several farts slip out at a machine Pace. this is usually a side effect of If this should happen do not panic, Has left the bathroom so to spare Just Courtesy flush Toilet the instant the nose cone of Poop is whisked away to an disclosed This reduces the amount of air time Bathroom. another title for this act This can help you avoid being caught Walk of shame The sink, to the door after you This can be a very uncomfortable If someone walks in and busts you. Pretend that the smell does not Of a Out of the closet pooper Work and is damn proud of it. Closet pooper enter the bathroom Newspaper or magazine under their For Entering the bathroom. Definition: a group of coworkers Emergency This group can help you to monitor Poopers and identify safe havens. Definition: a seldom used bathroom Can least expect visitors. try floors Opposite sex. this will reduce the Entering Turd burglar Realize that you are in the stall and One of the most shocking and Taking a dump at work. if this Turd burglar leaves. this way you Contact. Definition: a phony cough which Bathroom that you are in a stall. this Watermelon or to alert potential turd In conjunction with an astaire. Definition: a subtle toe-tap that is Burglars that you are occupying a The stall is occupied. if you hear an Immediately so the pooper can poop Watermelon Splash when hitting the toilet Incident. if you feel a watermelon Camo-cough. Definition: a load of diarrhea that In the toilet water. often Using a Uncle ted Seems to linger around forever.could Front of the mirror or sitting on the Relax while on the crapper, as Load when the bathroom is empty. Bathroom attendees. Definition: the act of scouting out a Check for other poopers. if there are Come back again. be careful not to People may become suspicious if The Crack whore More ass than a greyhound bus. Include pubes, piss stains and shit Cost. try finding out when the Bathroom. don�t forget with a good A safe haven. Darndest things A first grade teacher collected well In her class the first half of a proverb Remainder of the proverb. their Better to be safe Strike while the It�s always darkest Never underestimate the power You can lead a horse to water Don�t bite the hand No news Ble A............................ mr. New....................math You�ll...stink in the morning Trust..................................... The pen is mightier than An idle mind is..................the best Where there�s smoke Happy the bride who..............gets A penny saved Two�s company, Musketeers What...you put on to go to bed With you, cry and......you have to None are so blind Children should be seen and If at first you don�t You get out of something what When the blind leadeth the Subject: 2 bikers on a harley Road on a harley. the driver�s leather The zipper had broken, so he pulled Backward,� his buddy suggested. Road, until they hit a curve at high And crashed. a farmer found them �is either of them showing any signs �well, the first one was,� replied the Around the right way�. Screech, vroom, screech? Red light. Two prostitutes were riding around Which said: �two prostitutes -- A policeman, seeing the sign, Either have to remove the sign or go Just at that time, another car passed One of the girls asked the cop: �how �well, that�s a little different,� the Religion.� Frowned as they took their sign The following day found the same Two ladies driving around with a He had an easy bust, he began to The new sign Peter -- $50.00.� Subject: 2 wishes for long marriage Years and also celebrated their 60th Fairy appeared and said that They had been such a loving couple One wish each. World. the fairy waved her wand and Hand. next, it was the husband�s He paused for a moment, then said 30 years younger than me.� Boom! he was 90. The young bride approached her Night and demanded $20 for their Highly aroused state, he readily Each time they made love for the Cute way for her to buy new clothes, � She found her husband sitting in his Next few minutes, he told her of the Corporate downsizing and its effects � Her car and drove down to the local Structure, she informed him that he That they paid him $6,000 per month Showing deposits and interest for Dollars. she pointed across the And handed him stock certificates She informed him that he was the Told him that for 30 years she had And this was the result of her � Beating his head against the side of � Disappointment at such good news What you were doing, i would have Subject: 20 reasons why star wars 20 reasons why star wars is better 1. titanic�s big, but it doesn�t have 2. star wars has way cooler action 3. yoda could use the force to lift 4. leia is a princess, a senator, a Rose is just marriage bait. Either first class or steerage. Wedge can�t say �look at the size of Mean it. Chased around the boat by a raving Opposed to a handgun. Portraying poor people as Egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed 8b. said bug-eyed amphibious 9. we know cal is the bad guy Treats his fiancee like property. Because he strangles people and 10. yeah, leo can dance, but can he 11. people have not lost their lives Wars on the bow of a cruise 12. rose braves icy water to rescue 13. two words: john williams. Pods in star wars. Does to self-proclaimed �kings of the 16. if luke were handcuffed to a pipe Would use the force to get 17. �i�d rather be his whore than Same sting as �i�d rather kiss a 18. han is frozen in carbonite and Simply freezes. Sink. but who could�ve anticipated 20. han solo would�ve missed the Subject: 20-minute speech for the The ceo was scheduled to speak at One of his employees, jenkins, to Speech. when the ceo returned from "what's the idea of writing me an "half the audience walked out before Wrote you a 20-minute speech," he Extra copies you asked for." Books Chirac Jane fonda Reno By john denver Dan marino Clinton Hygiene - by osama bin laden Gates By dennis rodman 12. amelia earhart's guide to the 11. america's most popular lawyers 9. a collection of motivational 8. everything men know about 7. everything women know about 6. all the men i have loved before - 5. mike tyson's guide to dating 4. spotted owl recipes - by the epa 2. my plan to find the real killers - by And the world's number one thinnest 1. my book of morals - by bill The rev. jessie jackson Product of the 90"s Means getting the fast food bags 21. your reason for not staying in Have e-mail addresses. Adding espn's homepage to your 19. you have a "to do list" that Bathroom breaks and they are The ones that never get crossed off. Christmas list to your parents. Reference to liquid assets and capital 16. you consider 2nd day air delivery 15. you assume the question to 14. you refer to your dining room 13. your idea of being organized is 12. your grocery list has been on Products don't even exist any 11. you lecture the neighborhood Improve their process. Saturday and you can wear sweats 9. you refer to the tomatoes grown 8. you find you really need For a living. Machines and at the most expensive The same week. Action plan" and "calendarizing a Phrases. Airport hotels better than you know 4. you ask your friends to "think out Plans. Been more effective had he put his 2. you think a "half-day" means And the number 1 sign you've had 1. you hear most of your jokes via 25 signs that you have grown Grown up 1. your potted plants are alive. and 2. having sex in a twin-sized bed is 3. you keep more food than beer in 4. 6:00 am is when you get up, not 5. you hear your favorite song in an 6. you carry an umbrella. you watch 7. your friends marry and divorce 8. you go from 130 days of vacation 9. jeans and a sweater no longer 10. you're the one calling the police Don't know how to turn down the 11. older relatives feel comfortable 12. you don't know what time taco 13. your car insurance goes down 14. you feed your dog science diet 15. sleeping on the couch makes 16. you no longer take naps from 17. dinner and a movie - the whole One. At 3 a.m. would severely upset, 19. you go to the drugstore for And 20. a $4.00 bottle of wine is no 21. you actually eat breakfast foods 22. "i just can't drink the way i used To drink that much again." In front of a computer is for real 24. you don't drink at home to save 25. you read this entire list looking > > 25 signs you've grown up > >> 1. your house plants are alive, > >> 2. having sex in a twin bed is > >> 3. you keep more food than >> > 4. 6:00 am is when you get > >> 5. you hear your favorite song >> > 6. you watch the weather > >> 7. your friends marry and Up. Vacation time to 14. Longer qualify as "dressed up." Police because those darn kids next >>> > won't turn down the stereo. Comfortable telling sex jokes around >>> 12. you don't know what time >> >13. your car insurance goes > >>14. you feed your dog science > >>15. sleeping on the couch > >>16. you no longer take naps > >>17. dinner and a movie is the Of > >>18. eating a basket of chicken >>>>>rather� than settle, your > >>19. you go to the drug store Condoms and > >>20. a $4.00 bottle of wine is no > >>21. you actually eat breakfast > >>22. "i just can't drink the way i To > >>23. 90% of the time you spend Work. Home to save money before going to > >>25. you read this entire list Doesn't �� � Subject: 25 things a wife nevers 25 things a wife nevers says: Taste. To drink? 22. shouldn't you be down at the bar 21. that was a great fart! do 20. i've decided to stop wearing 19. you're so sexy when you're hung 18. i'd rather watch football and Shopping. 16. say, let's go down to the mall so Asses. 14. i love it when you play golf on Had time to play on saturday too. Daughter is sunbathing again, come 12. i know it's a lot tighter back there Again? The oil changed. Mine. Valentine's day thing and buy 8. i understand fully...our Christ's sake, you go hunting with Reliever. Get a good porno movie, a case Over for a threesome! Come on let's go to that 5. listen, i make enough money for You retire and get that nagging 4. you need your sleep ya big silly, The nightly feedings. Get my ankles behind my 2. would you like to watch me go And number one: You soon, i swear i'm gonna bust! Learned ... by the time you have "25 things you should have learned Middle age" 1. if you're too open-minded, your Maturity. 3. going to church doesn't make you In a garage makes you a car. 4. artificial intelligence is no match Evils, pick the one you've never tried The room with a glance. 7. not one shred of evidence Serious. 8. it is easier to get forgiveness than And opposite government program. 10. if you look like your passport Twice the speed of checks. 12. a conscience is what hurts when From earth. deal with it. 15. no man has ever been shot while Each hand. 17. middle age is when broadness of Waist change places. 18. opportunities always look bigger Years and throw away three weeks Imbecile than you counted on. 21. experience is a wonderful thing. When you make it again. 22. by the time you can make ends Thy refrigerator. 24. someone who thinks logically World. 25. it ain't the jeans that make your Steven thode Yankee 1. take your own sweet time 2. pronounce all one-syllable 3. when giving directions, The left.� Them to speak more slowly so you 5. when they talk �delta�s ready when you are!� Sec football or acc basketball. A coke. And/or grits. Ruckus. Of fresh air. By your first and middle names. (e.g. 11. frequently bring up �the Conversation. if anyone ever says Interject that 12. address all males as �son� 13. correct their pronunciation For example: it�s �pee-can.� Everything. As if the whole In other words, if they say �yo, i�m I�ll be, my wife has always wanted to 16. when invited to dinner, Show up with a box of moon pies. . 17. name all of your children 18. use the word �reckon� in a 19. �mash� buttons. �cut� off �carry� the kids to school.�fetch� 20. never simply �do� Be �fixin to do� something. An accent, 22. be sure to include �yes/no 23. only use landmarks and �now go down jeff davis Chevron station used to be. i think Maybe a bp. anyway, turn right �you said left.� �did i? well, See a big fish on your left. i On the other side of town..� Up north. In your convertible this weekend. Every time. Difference Damnyankee (one word): Reasons why you might want to sign 29 reasons why you might want to 1. tech support calls you for help. Remote control. Dreams you get ims. And swear he said you've got mail. You were on for 3 days and 45 6. you see something funny and 7. a friend calls and says, "how are Busy" -- for a year! So you can have aol in your car. Account so you can "hang out." To call out for pizza. Want to sign off and read a book. 29 reasons why you might want to 11. you've gone to an unstaffed aol 12. you say "he, he, he, he" or 13. you say "scroll up" when 14. you sneak away to your Sleep. Same person you are sending an 16. you look at an annoying person Ignore button handy. "withdrawal" after not being online 18. your answering machine/voice Leave your s/n and i^ll ttyl asap". That certain special person to sign 20. you get up in the morning and go 21. you end your sentences 22. you purchase a vanity car On it. Computer. Greeted by 25 people with 25. being called a "newbie" is a major 26. you're on the phone and say 27. your teacher or boss Blood shot eyes. 29. you need to be pried from your Steven thode (non-dirty) Three blondes died and are at the Tells them that they can enter the Question. Is easter?� It�s the holiday in november when Turkey, and are thankful...� Proceeds to ask the second blonde The second blonde replies, �easter is Put up a nice tree, exchange Jesus.� Shakes his head in disgust, tells her Glasses at the third blonde The third blonde smiles confidently Know what easter is.� �easter is the christian holiday that Of passover. jesus and his disciples And jesus was later deceived and His disciples. And he was stabbed in the side, And was hung on a cross with nails He was buried in a nearby cave Boulder.� The third blonde continues, �every That jesus can come out... and, if he More weeks of winter.� There were three babies in a Discussing what they would like to The first one said, "i wanna be a And asked "why a plumber?" Here, it's kinda leaky." Electrician." the others laughed at Electrician?" he replied, "so i can get The third one said, "i wanna be a Hilarious, and laughed for a God's name do you want to be a Can beat the hell out of that bald Spitting on us!" Three gay men died, and were going Happened to be at the funeral home Discussing Ashes. To fly, so i�m going up in a plane and The second man said, �my carl was a Scatter his ashes in our favorite The third man said, �my jim was such Dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he More time.� Subject: 3 men a young girl on train Men and a ravishing young girl. the Which very soon turns to the Then, the young girl proposes, �if Show you my legs.� the men, Buck out of their wallet. Bit to show her legs. Gentlemen will give me $10.00, i�ll What they are, they all pull out a ten All the way to her legs in full. Men, a bit excited, have all taken off Then the young girl says, �if you will Was operated on for appendicitis.� Girl then turned to the window and Passing. �see there in the distance. Done!� 3 most hated words Men during sex? Q. three words women hate to hear A. 'honey, i'm home!' Subject: 3 women in firing line Executed. one�s a brunette, one�s a The guard brings the brunette She has any last requests. she says �ready! .. aim! ...� �earthquake!� everyone is startled Escapes. Forward and the executioner asks if No and the executioner shouts, ... aim!..� �tornado!� once again, everyone is Redhead silently slips away. Out, and the guard brings her Has any last requests, she says no ... aim! ...� and the blonde yells, Subject: 30 harsh things a woman >> > >1. i've smoked fatter joints >> > > >> > > >> > > Surgery to fix that. >> > >5. make it dance. >> > >6. can i paint a smiley face >> > > So big. >> > >8. it's ok, we'll work around >> > > It? >> > >10. oh no... a flash >> > > >> > > You? >> > >13. how sweet, you brought >> > > Truck. >> > >15. maybe if we water it, it'll >> > > Me? >> > >17. at least this won't take >> > > Before. >> > >19. but it still works, right? >> > >20. it looks so unused. >> > >21. maybe it looks better in >> > > To the cigarettes? >> > >23. are you cold? >> > >24. if you get me real drunk >> > > >> > > >> > > Have so many other talents. >> >