Politics

Did you all hear about George W. Bush calling a reporter an obscene name this weekend? Well, we can't say it on the air but it sounds like grass pole! -Jay Leno

Is it really a big deal when a leader curses? Come on, do we want someone in office calling Saddam Hussein a "pooh-pooh head"? -Jay Leno

Bush and Gore are going back and forth on where and when the debates will take place. Bush said, hey, just put them on HBO, then I can curse all the time. -Jay Leno

So, we have George W. calling people an ass, Gore saying he's going to kick ass, and Clinton ... well, he's just grabbing ass. -Jay Leno

Clinton was in Colombia and said that the war on drugs is no Vietnam. That's right, Clinton has actually been in Colombia. -Jay Leno

Do you have election fever?! The debates are coming up soon. One might happen on "Meet The Press" here on NBC. The only problem is that it airs on Sunday morning and that's when George W. watches his cartoons. -Conan O'Brien

George W. announced his health care plan today. It spends $158 billion on drugs. Hey, thats almost double of what he's spent on himself. -Jay Leno

The election race is heating up. We had to hit the applause sign to get that response. Right now there is heavy argument over the debates. Gore wants the debates to be 90 minutes and George W. says, no way, I want them to be an hour and a half! -Conan O'Brien

George W. has released his drug plan for seniors. The plan says that seniors shouldn't have to answer questions about drug use in their earlier life.-Conan O'Brien

The Economy

Gas prices went up another 9 cents! In a related story George W. Bush called the Exxon executives a bunch of major league gas-holes today. -Jay Leno

Celebrities

Hugh Hefner says he is currently dating four different women at the same time. He says that isn't going very well because each of the women are getting jealous. They think he may be seeing four others on the side. -Conan O'Brien

Popular Culture

Sixty years ago this week Hitler invaded Poland. This led to the creation of the History Channel.-Jay Leno

Teachers in Philadelphia have gone on strike. Back when I was a kid we'd be happy if teachers were striking. Today kids get upset when teachers are gone because they don't know who they'll have sex with. -Jay Leno

In England there is a new magazine called Divorce magazine. The subscription is free, but if you end it then you have to pay $4,000! -Jay Leno

Sports

China has suspended 20 athletes from its Olympic team because of questionable substances found in their bodies at the drug screening. All 20 athletes had traces of MSG in their system.-Conan O'Brien

Anna Kournikova is upset at pictures of her being placed on the Internet. People are taking her head and imposing it onto the bodies of naked women. She's upset not because the women have better bodies than her but because they are better tennis players.-Conan O'Brien