| Humie's Laughables!!! |
| Answering Machines...Make Them Your Own... Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding some I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you. Hi. I'm home right now, I'm just screening my calls. So start talking and if you're someone I want to speak with I'll pick up the phone. Otherwise, well, what can I say? Hello, this is Death. I am not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you. Suicide hotline...please hold. Hi! Bob's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with on of these magnets. You have reached 555-5555. I picked this machine up at a garage sale in "as-in" condition. You can try to leave a message on it, but we are not sure it will be recorded. If we don't return your call, it means the machine did not work. Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know who you are, and what you want, so at the sound of the tone, please hang up. |
| Hi, I'm sorry I can't answer the phone right now. Leave a message, and then wait by your phone until I call you back. Hi. If you are a burgular, checking to see if anyone is home, then we're probably at home cleaning our weapons right now and can't come to the phone. Otherwise, we probably aren't at home and it's sake to leave us a message. I'm only here in spirit at the moment, but if you'll leave your name and number, I will get back to you as soon as I'm here in person. This is you-know-who. We are you-know-where. Leave your you-know-what, and we'll get back to you you-know-when. Me no here. Me go bye. Leave a message. Me reply. Hellooo...Helllloooo, well if you won't talk to me, maybe you'll talk to this machine, it's at home and I'm not, leave a message and it'll give it to me when I return. Alpha Centauri Space Station. Commander Bob can't come to the phone right now. He's either saving the universe from some dread, unnamed peril, or perhaps talking a nappie. Leave your name and number after the beep and how will return your call. (With loud music playing in backround) "Hello...HELLO?? I can't hear you! What? Oh...we're not home, leave a message. Now I lay me down to sleep; Leave a message at the beep. If I should dies before I wake, remember to erase the tape. Plesae leave a message. However, you have the right to remain silent. Everything you say will be recorded and will be used by us. Hi, I'm not home right now but my answering machine is, so you can talk to it instead. Wait for the beep. "beep" Hello. I am Bob's answering machine, what are you? (Narrator's voice:) There Bob sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Bob in the middle of it, his arms wind-milling at incredible speeds! Will he makes it in time? Alas, no, his valient effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou shalt leave a message. Hi. This is Bob: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. We're sorry, you have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone 90 degrees and try again. Hello, this is Mary. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call Bob, John, or Steve, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back - only that I won't. This is Bob's answering machine. Please leave you name and number, and after I've doctored the tape, your message will implicate you in a federal crime and will be brought to the attention of the FBI. Suicide hotline...please hold. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those is the reason we're not here. So leave a message. Hi. Now you say something. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows, or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity through their office and do not need their picture taken. If you're still with me, leave your name and number and they will get back to you. |