- Olivia Hatton
"Have you heard about those bio majors?"
- Kristen Briney, chem major
"Thay they're sexy and suave and all the girls like them?"
- Jon Day, bio major
"Let me think... NO!"
- Olivia Hatton, chem major
"I think you're referring to those chem majors."
- Kristen Briney
"That all the girls like them?"
- Jon Day
"If I lift up your head, will candy pop out?"
- Olivia Hatton, on Chris Colvard, human Pez dispenser
"I'm 18 going on 75."
- Olivia Hatton
"Kristen just needs to stop checking out my rack."
- Olivia Hatton
"We need to get you a screen name. Is BigLoser available?"
- Olivia Hatton
"No. You have it, remember?"
- Brian Murphy, master of the comeback
- Joel Hruska
"Joel, that's not Hruska Luck, that's Hruska F*** Up and Recovery."
- Dan "Veto" Ahlgren
"So in this case you're saying that Joel is a woman?"
- Aaron Gamble
"Yes I am."
- Joel Hruska
- David James
"Dan, you're really talented at being a bastard."
- David James
"Is your middle name Chert?"
- David James
"No. It's Cheri."
- Tina Cheri Flispart
"And her sister's name is Lisa Obsidian."
- Jon Day
"It's like looking at a bird book."
- David James, on the Field Guide to Irish Music
"And there's the Alpha male in his full splendor..."
- Jon Day
"It's nice to see I'm the only sane one at the table."
- Dan Reck
"Woah! How did our standards sink THAT low?"
- David James
"There should be a button labeled 'bitch-slap'."
- David James
"Wait... You're on the third floor? Is the second floor on fire and you're too stupid to go down?"
- David James to John Effinger
