- Kristen Briney, chem major
"That they're sexy and suave and all the girls like them?"
- Jon Day, bio major
"Let me think... NO!"
- Olivia Hatton, chem major
"I think you're referring to those chem majors."
- Kristen Briney
"That all the girls like them?"
- Jon Day
"I think all the tubing from our Discovery Zone went to government experiments on mutant gerbils."
- Dan Reck
"Ours went to the Alaskan pipeline. Black, black, black, black, purple, red, green..."
- Jon Day
"I'm impressed. Look at my eyebrows!"
- Jon Day
"I'm so cute!"
- Jon Day, as Shy Guy
"Is your middle name Chert?"
- David James
"No. It's Cheri."
- Tina Cheri Flispart
"And her sister's name is Lisa Obsidian."
- Jon Day
"It's like looking at a bird book."
- David James, on the Field Guide to Irish Music
"And then there's the Alpha male in his full splendor..."
- Jon Day
"It's not Frogger!"
- Jon Day, on crossing Locust Street
"Ok. Back to me."
- Jon Day
"One day, you'll come into my room and I'll be hunched over and you'll say 'What are you doing?' and I'll say 'I'm saving the baby!' and there will be pieces of plastic everywhere."
- Jon Day
"There's a package in your jacket."
- Jon Day
"There's one in my pants, too."
- Jeremy Jones
"I wasn't going to touch that one."
- Jon Day
- Elise DeCamp
"I'm not even that big and I'm getting cleavage here!"
- Elise DeCamp
"Slap on. Slap off. Slap on, slap off. The Slapper!"
- Elise DeCamp and Christie Garrabrant
- John Effinger, somehow referring to Mario Kart
"Petting Chance is like petting a Berber carpet."
- John Effinger
"Then the only time the breasts would bounce would be if they were hit by a tennis racket."
- John Effinger, once again confusing the hell out of everyone
