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| The Flatulent Times |
| Editor's notice: The Flatulent Times is PC Portal's objective, unbiased news source. Well... maybe a LITTLE biased, but hey, it's better than Fox News. |
| "All the news Geoff wants to print." |
| Opinions/Editorials Editor G.L. Schaefer is right about everything Luis Torres has some good points too |
| Weeky Briefingness Turkey- Many Americans don't even know about the horrible attackes on synagogues, banks and the like in turkey (things that matter), because American headlines are too busy dealing with that freaking Michael Jackson asshole (things that don't matter). American media sucks (except for us, of course). Presidential Primaries- The Democratic primaries are somewhat interesting this year (despite the lack of interesting candidates). You've got Dean, the stereotypical democrat, Clark, who is probably the most interesting and promising (as a leader) of the bunch but started too late and doesn't have much of a shot, Lieberman, the only other one that sticks out because he's more conservative and Jewish, as well as a slew of others who mimic Dean (Gephart, Kerry [who's a mess], etc.). So, there you have it, one of them or Bush. Yippee. Bush's European tour- Bush can't pretend that everyone loves him now, after the majority of his Europe-wide tour ended up being full of protests against America. But, do Americans care about how the rest of the world sees us? No. |
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| Tell The Editor What You Think email: [email protected] |
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| Horoscope-by Madame Clito Capricorn- You will eat green beans. Pisces- Your pet rock will run away. Leo- You will take up necrophelia. Cancer- You will save 15% or more on car insurance when you switch to Geico. Aquarius- You will bear the fruit of a different tree, if you know what I mean. Scorpio- You will never get laid again. Aries- You will stick a spear up your ass and scream "Hamburger Helper" 12 times drunk. Gemini- You will accidentally grab a transvestite's ass and have to follow through, IN BED!!! Taurus- Your mama was a hampster, and your father smelt of elderberries! Libra- One word: Crabs. Sagittarius- You will get your genitals stuck in a blender. Virgo- You will transform into Lemmy Kilmeister, the new president of Russia (or something). |
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| Editor G.L. Schaefer Reporters Luis Torres Geoffrey Schaefer Miguel Gonzalez |
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| Last Updated: 12/06/03 |