Pat Buchanan Turns to Islamic Despotism
Not to be out-conservatived by Iraqi political figure
  Bahgdad, Iraq- Due to Ayatolla Hakim's denouncing of "liberal" American democracy, Pat Buchanan has turned to the ideals of Islamic despotism so not to be out-conservatized by the ayatolla.  The change came at a time when Buchanan has to begin thinking about his campaining for the 2004 election, a time where he has to think about the issues he will address and what kind of a platform he will run on.
   Buchanan has always been a far right-wing conservative, and with the growing trend towards conservatism during this Bush administration, Buchanan didn't feel he stood out enough anymore. Even so, this came as a shock to many of his supporters and fellow conservatives.
   "I knew he was conservative, but damn!" one supported told the Times.
    This change came with little to surprise to many liberals, though.
    "Listen, he was racist, biggoted, and wanted to do away with all liberals" said one Democrat, "so this change only seems natural."
   Supposedly the Ayatolla's recent attacks on American-style democracy for Iraq had not only offended the reactionary Buchanan, but also made him think about how liberal American Democracy really is.
   "I had to re-adjust my thinking." said Buchanan, "I realized that the only way I'd be able to attain my dream of a true reactionary state is through Islamic despotism."
   But Buchanan has no intention on converting to Islam.
   "Actually it would be Christian despotism." Buchanan told the Times, "I hate them damn muslims."
   This abrupt change of policy may actually HELP Buchanan in future political campaigns.  But this is only speculation. 
    "I'm sure I've alienated some of my supporters," Buchanan admitted, "but they were the weak ones anyway.  Any real conservative would realize that a despot-controlled government is the only way to go."
    One aspect of this abrupt change in Buchanan's policy that is coming to the forefront is the obvious influence the Iraqi conflict has had on America, and the contradictions in this seeming influence.
    "It's ironic that Iraqi politics are now influencing us," said Benjamin N. Dover, an expert on international politics, " we always expected that we would be influencing Iraq's future politics.  Not the other way around."

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Geoffrey Schaefer
The Flatulent Times
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