| The Flatulent Times Headline News |
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| Aliens Take Over Madagascar, But Nobody Cares "what the hell is Madagascar?" |
| MADAGASCAR- Aliens from the planet Lubuwooshiwoonock have invaded the African nation of Madagascar, but the U.S. government, along with the U.N. and NATO, has made it clear that they don't care. "I mean, who gives a crap about stupid African third-world bullshit countries like Madagascar," the President said concerning the matter, "Let the Martians take 'em." This seems to be the mindset of just about everybody. "What the fuck is Madagascar?" one random guy said. Normally the conquering of sovereign nations by intergalactic invaders would be of major concern to international organizations such as the United Nations and NATO, but they simply don't care about what goes on in African island nations. "There are bigger problems in the world than aliens," said Randy Horniman, head of a U.N. commision dealing with interplanetary disputes, "It's not like there's any oil there or anything." The government has also made it clear that it would take no action if other "less desireable" countries were taken over by the Lubuwooshiwoonocks. (and we can only speculate what they mean by "less desireable") "Let's face it." the President said, "If all these crazy spacemen do is take over shit hole who-gives-a-fucks like Madagascar or, let's say, Chad or Uzbeckystanly, we won't but in on their buisness. Now, if they try to take one of our oil puppet- I mean, uh, allies who supply us oil, the shit's gonna hit the fan." When asked about the Lubuwooshiwoonock's plans for further expansion, their leader, Bobat, replied "Uzzu Blip blip wacka nichu BBBBRRRRRRIIIIIINNGGG!" The CIA is not concerned with the matter either, claiming that though these aliens have death rays and inpenetrable spaceships, it seems they are only interested in Earth for it's disco music. Others are skeptical. "THE MARTIANS ARE COMING, THEY'RE GONNA KILL US!" said one raving lunatic as he flailed his arms and ran around Times Square. The panic that has erupted due to this is ironically subdued though (or covered up well by the government). Panicers racing through streets and sitting in their bomb shelters with their docksons and shotguns have been put away, so to ensure the aliens don't get pissed at us. "What it all comes down to," said Mr. Horniman, "is that no one gives a crap about Madagascar. Most people didn't even know it existed untill the damn aliens conquered it. Hell, the Madagascarians should be pleased themselves with all this exposure." This isn't exactly true, though, considering that Emperor Bobat ate the President (or King, or Shah or whoever the fuck ran Madagascar) imediately following the hostile takeover. "Mr. Horniman is confused." said one critic, "because there aren't any Madagascaronians left to be pleased!" But in the end, no one gives a fuck. "I once said that when nuclear war erupts, only Madagascar will be left," said Bryan Mitchell, "because no one cares enough about it to consider bombing it." But now that cannot be, because the aliens have it. Oh well. - Geoffrey Schaefer |