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| The Flatulent Times Headline News |
| Congressman Pushes For Bill Outlawing Procreation of Stupid People |
| WASHINGTON DC- Representative Leon Bengelsdorf, a Democrat from New York, proposed a bill yesterday that would outlaw the procreation of stupid people. The issue came about because of recent concerns over overpopluation in the United States and abroad. Critics of the bill argue that it will only lead to a lower population in the U.S., that it can't be enforced abroad. But Mr. Bengelsdorf argues otherwise. "We need to be a model for other countries. If we take this step, then soon Europeans will, and then eventually the entire world." Mr. Bengelsdorf said at a recent press conference. "What about Japan, or India?" replied Jack Meof, a Republican representative from Mississippi, "there aren't any dumb people there!" Most Republicans, though, are less concerned with the ability to force it abroad, but about the methods and legality of enforcing it at home. "This is not a simple matter," Mr. Meof said, "and I don't think it can be accomplished." Mr. Bengelsdorf has pushed for laws requiring an abortion of any child conceived by a couple deemed "unacceptable for procreation." This, he said, could be enforced as long as a master list of persons unacceptable is kept. The methods for determining who will be allowed to procreate would be an I.Q. test for starters, having anyone under an I.Q. of 112 be put on the list. But it doesn't end there. Anyone above that I.Q. who is a known fan of reality TV, watches Oprah, reads Daniel Steele, wears faded jeans, or fits under one of many other specific offenses will also be restricted from procreating as well. The President has expressed his discontent with this proposal, "Hell no, I ain't going with this shit," he said to an advisor, unaware the cameras were rolling, "They just don't want another George Bush!" This is true. "The Republicans are worried that they will lose support and controll over this country if this bill is passed," said Mr. Bengelsdorf, "they know that these people are the one's that are so easy to manipulate to vote Republican. How else would George Bush's public approval ratings be so high?" It seems that this bill has only a slim chance of passing. All the Republicans are against it, probably because there is a clause that states that people on the restricted procreation list cannot hold public office. They realize they'd all lose their jobs. -Geoffrey Schaefer |