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| OTHER QUOTES PAGES..... OLD QUOTES EVEN OLDER QUOTES FAMOUS PEOPLE QUOTES CONVERSATIONS..... |
| *Message left on Cory's answering machine while he had a broken leg* Hi this is Cory.. I can't come to the phone right now, No, literally... I'm probably looking for my crutches as we speak... it'll probably take me a while to find them. But in any case I probably won't find them in time,,, so leave a message and in the event that I DO find them, or that my cast gets taken off... I will hobble to the phone to call you back..' BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP Brett: (to a security dude watching us really reallly carefully at Price Attack) Good job mate!! Drawing lecturer: (looking at a drawing) Stella I don't really like that face.... Stella: (girl from tafe) : Fine then I'll just get a new face ...... Andy- I'm dying, I have testicular cancer. I have colan cancer ME- You've just got cancer EVERYWHERE don't you Andy- Yep, I even have breast cancer! ME- You know guys can actually GET breast cancer don't you? Andy- yeah I know... James better watch out... ME- I have to put that on my site.. Andy- Don't put that on your site!! *pauses* Ok, go on, go on! ANDY- (talking about the Grinspoon gig) Are you going to throw your bra on stage? ME- NO! You throw yours! ANDY- I don't have one!!! ..... (pauses) ... I'll take my mums! ME- (looking at some chick walking past about ten metres away) Hey is that Carly over there? CLAIRE- Nah she's way too tall to be Carly ME- (pointing) yeah and she just missed that pole completely!! ME- (watching a bird fly into Chicken Treat, fly around, and then fly back out again) OH MY GOD! That bird just flew into Chicken Treat!!........ It's suicidal!!! Random dude- *asks for directions on how to get to Northbridge Tahli's friend Claire- Just keep walking that way and look for people eating kebabs. Tahli- Manda you're just like Sam!! She was like a bloody frog in a sock!! ME- (looking for change in my manson box to pay for my muffin) I know there's money in here! I'm going to find that change or die trying! Claire- How strange would it be if you ACTUALLY died trying ME- *thinks* .. yeah.. my tombstone would read 'she was always short of change...' ME- (after buying my muffin) ok lets go! Claire- no it's too early, we're going to Macca's first Me- awwww but.. but.. (looking at my muffin) I just bought this! (pauses, looking at the others) Anybody wanna buy a muffin? Tahli- (standing in the bathrooms at HQ while me and Steph lace up her corset) I feel like a stuffed turkey!! (me Claire James and Andy are in James' car talking about something serious that doesn't involve Andy) Andy- (to get our attention) I'm shitting in my pants! Daisy: Hey Claire, let's laugh at pathetic death metal names, hey there's one called "death"! *points out more, then more giggling* Claire:Hey there's another one, "my dying bride" *more giggling* later... Me: Argh!! A tool tribute album!! I have to hide this!! Where's that "my dying bride section"?? Andy: Why would you call a disease "angina"? It's like someone saying "Oh I have wenis disease...!" |
| Random girl walking past me- (to her friend) Do you reckon theres a public phone around here? Me- *incredibly sarcastic* Uhhh do you see that sign over there? That huge muther fucker one that says "PUBLIC PHONE" ? Maybe you might wanna think about trying over there... Random girl- *sweet* Oh great thank you!!! Me- (when she was gone) *whines* I was trying to be a biiiiiiiiiitch! Girl I went to school with- Amanda! Oh my god I havent' seen you in fucking agggges! What have you beein doing in the last two years?!? Me- *glares* Hiding from you mostly... I'm going to continue that now.. Tom- (putting the lid of a juice bottle on Dana's head) *Laughs* I'm putting a lid on it!!! Me- (walking to Rock It) *points at a path* We can take that path it leads straight to the oval Tom- No no.. no way you're leading me up the garden path! (Getting on the bus) Adam *bleeps in his multirider* Me *reading out loud* "Nine journey's left" Its hardly a journey from here to Morley is it now? Adam- Yeah.. how cool would it be if it were "Nine ADVENTURES left!" ?!? Sign out the window "Yvonnes hairdressing" Me- (on the bus with Adam) that's my mums name! Adam- (pointing to a resteraunt next door) Yeah, well my mums name is "Thai at home!" later .. Adam-.... and that makes my name "Adam at home!" (still on the bus) Me- you know who's hot? Macaulay Culkin!!! *insert a few minutes talking about Macaulay Culkin, and the bus passes "Macaulay Park" Me and Adam- Oh my god!!!! (still on the bus) Me- (looking out the window at an old man and an old woman outside at the petrol station) Hey check it out... he's trying to score... Avine (taking out her broom to sleep the floor at work) Me- (looking at the broom) ... are you going home now? later... Avine (still holding the broom) Hey you're knocking off work at 9:30 aren't you? Do you want a lift home?" Me- (looking at the broom again) We are taking the car ,... aren't we? Me- Can't you stay till 9:30 instead of 7:30? Jamie- Noooo Me- Pleaaash? Jamie- NOOOOO Me- (pauses) ... but I'm so cuuuuuute! Katie- come out here and tell me if it smells mouldy... Me- Maybe it's Avine hiding in the cupboard... Me- (Outside the bank when SOMEONE was still inside) Lets just go before she comes out ! Shaun- You're so cruel!! Stella- (to Shaun) Wow.. chip away a bit of ice off that heart of yours if you can find it... Me- looking in the bottom of my coffee cup) Gross.. my tiny teddy's all disolved into chunks... Stella- Ewww. Teddy corpses... Shaun- you're so cruel! You need to behead the little guy first... Me- I saw your brother the other day Adam Adam- Yeah I've seen him too. Adam (on our way to get coffee) How much is a coffee? Me- *shrugs* I dunno Adam - (smiling, holding up a coin) I have a dollar! Me- You can get coffee from Maccas... Steph- Yeah.. you can also get food poisoning from Macca's Steph- ( writing in my book) Hmmm Who inspires me most? Me, Adam, and Claire- ME!!! Me- (online to Tahli) WHERE DID U GO! Tahli- What's wrong?! Me- You went away! I was worried you got eaten by a bear or something!! Tahli- What? A bear?! Me- .... you live in KALAMUNDA! It's in the HILLS! Andy- (On my birthday at midnight) Happy birthday!!! Okay..I'm going to give you a kiss on your cheek now.. I just thought I'd better warn you first in case you go *yells* WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!? JAVA GUY- (while I'm tryng a sample of some new drink) It's delicious! It's got lots of strawberries! Lots of blueberries!!... Lots of.. ME- (spitting it out) BANANAS!!! Bleughhhhh ! Me- Do you remember when Angel tried to kill me!!! Anthony- pftt. Angel couldn't even kill herself. Me: Calvin your walls are PINK dude!! Calvin: (looking indignant) Its not pink..... *pauses* ... it's "Peachy Beige" later... Claire (holding her hair in front of the wall): Its PINK!!!! Calvin: You know what, you're right! and when you stand in front of it you look BALD! Me- (upset and hugging Brett) You were right I should've listened to you.. you're ALWAYS right Brett- I knoww I know.. you shouldve.. I AM always right about these things (turning to Nat) Hey Nat I'm always right aren't I? Nat- (smiles and stares) alcohol.... Claire- (on the phone to Simon, talking to him about one of the guys I was seeing) No no him... no not him either... no not him, the other one... the other one... Me- (groaning) I'm a whorrrrrrrrrrrrrre |
| Me- Shaun's getting married! Shaun- yeah... to my bass Me- I call bridesmaid! Stella- I WANTED TO BE BRIDESMAID Shaun- you can dress up as a cello.... Stella- how many middle names do you have!? Shaun- (counting) uhhhh five? Me- .... one for every personality.... Damon- (at HJ'S waiting to order) yeah well, say what you want about me having sex on a pool table... at least I didn't do naughty things to some guy at tafe.. when I was supposed to be in class! Me- *glaring* nice one, I don't think the guys out the back making the burgers heard you.... Hot HJ'S guy at the till- actually... I think they probably did... sound carries really well back there.... wenchy obese customer at work- where are my bacon and eggs Shona? What are those girls in the kitchen doing? Running around the chicken coop after those chickens trying to catch eggs? Shona- *walking away and muttering under her breath* you could do with a few laps of the chicken coop..... Keenan (talking about cigerettes) - can I pinch a fag? *laughs, then leans over and pinches Shaun on the arm* Kobi- ( very stoned and giggling to himself) hee hee hee pots.... Damon- Whats so funny Kobes? Kobi- hee hee hee... stop backwards is pots! Me- (upset) ahhh what do I doooooo? Shaun- (trying to cheer me up, putting his head on my shoulder) ... Aw all you need is some cranial support.... Me- Alana's only agreeing with you because you pay her .... with cake!! Margaret (my boss)- I do not! She agrees with me for free! Alana- what kind of cake? Me- .... secret cake! Alana-... I think my sister has some of that..... Me- (coming back into work after my break) I've just made a wonderful mess out there... I spilt my drink in all kinds of ways!!!! Kobi-(on the phone) MANDA PANDA! I miss you! I miss you like... starburst jellybeans.. *pauses* mmm.. okay... I'll have to call you back... I need to make a quick trip to Shell.... Me (on the phone) - are you stoned? Sean- (giggling) noooooo ..... Me (believing him) okay I'll be over in an hour... Sean- Ok.. bring skittles! *long pause* I'm just feeling rather peckish.... Me- I miss Adam! Andy- me too! we should kidnap him... and dig a big hole.. and keep him in it... and feed him nothing but bread and water until he's really skinny and weak, and then poke him with a big stick until he comes out with us! Me- *whining* why does every nickname you come up with for me have the word 'whore' in it...? Shaun- aww that's not true slutface.... Kirralee- ...there was an old lady who swallowed a fly... I don't know why she swallowed a fly.. perhaps she'll die...my favourite one is when she swallowed a horse... she died of course! .... *muttering* serves her right... greedy bitch! Me- you didn't tell her what I said did you? Stella- why would you think that!? Me- *gives her a look* Stel..... Stella- (thinking) yeah.... yeah I like to pipe up sometimes don't I ? Me- Shaun, that's not your car! Shaun- yeah, but I can say it is! Me-.. yeah.. but you'd be lying! Me- Alana.. whatcha doin? Alana- ... making a mess! Andy- *burps really really loudly and doesn't say excuse me* Me- what do you say Andy?! Andy- *proudly* ..... well done Andy Janey- I figured out why my hair smells like smoke... I slept with my head almost in an ash tray! Me- ick ... my hair smells ... it's like.. Janey- mine smells the same... it's Me and Janey- JAM HOUSE! Me- (having a smoke first thing in the morning on New Years Day) Ash- When people say 'what's the first thing you did" you're gonna have to tell them you smoked.. . Me- Passive smoking is worse Ash- I know... at least you get a filter! Me- *blowing smoke at him* Here have some passive smoke.... Stella (at Hungry Jacks before the grinners gig)- Hey this HJ's has eftpos!! Me- they all have eftpos Stella- not Armidale... Me- pfft.. Armidale!? It'll be years before Armidale gets eftpos... they're so far behind they're still using shillings and tuppences'!! Amy- Lesbians can too make children together!!! Me- NO THEY CAN'T! Dave- (yelling from the other room) But they can sure as hell try!! ME- (After Amy gave me a happy new year kiss) *to Adam, joking * .... She tried to slip me some tongue... Adam- what are Dave and Janey doing out there? Me- *pauses* He's going to give her his flower..... Adam, Andy, Tahli and Amy all watching Dave and Janey, trying to be quiet, saying things like "Are they doing anything yet?" and "oh my god they're holding hands!" Me- (getting impatient) Bloody hell they've been here all night.. by the time any thing happens it'll be NEXT New Years Eve!! Andy- (pissing himself laughing) HIGH FIVE!!!! Me- (Talking to one of Matt's friends about one of Matt's other friends) *shrugs* yeah he hates me.. I don't care. Random weird guy from across the road- Aw how can anyone hate you? *Grins creepily and winks* Me- (long pause) ... Please try... Me- What's the fuck is a spoonerism?! Steph- Don't you know what a spoonerism is?! It's like.. the spoonerism or rock candy is 'cock randy'. Adam- And the spoonerism of spoonerism is 'roonerspism'!!! Adam- You should steal me a whole box of those umbrellas from your work Me- why's that? Adam- so I can garnish my dinner!! It'll look so cool! Leith- I was looking at all Jessie's paintings.. and I'm like "Yeah this is nice.. but I know out the back somewhere you've got one hidden of me, upside down, nailed to a crucifix with my balls in a vice!" Me- (pointing into a window at Target where a mannequin was dressed in Target logo underwear) Look.. target underwear.. if you wore that outside people would shoot at you! Me-(pulling out a cigerette) Okay you guys say what you want about smoking... I'm not quitting.. now.. excuse me while I light up my death stick.... Jaime- (randomly) my phone is broken and my ass is sore! Katie- (at work, holding up a gingerbread house) what's inside these houses? Me- Little gingerbread furniture. Andy- (on the phone to me while I'm talking to Lisa through mics on my computer) Tell her she sounds really Aussie! Lisa (mishearing) - I don't sound ugly!!!!!! Leith- that's stranger than a banana eating a monkey! Me- (watching two teenyboppers walk past, one with bright orange hair, and one with bright green hair) Hey check out those girls... together, they could be a carrot! Leith- (pouring salt into a glass of water and singing) Christmas is coming! Its snowing and I'm stuck in this glass!!! (At the trainstation. Shaun presses the button to hear when the next train is in) Lady- The next train to Perth is due in one minute. The train stops all stations excpet Belmont Park Me- (Reading graffiti next to the button...) Suck my WHAT?! Shaun- Yeah I think you heard her wrong.... Adam- there's something in my nose,.. I think it's my finger! Adam- isnt it embarrasing when you're trying to get away from someone and you go "Look at the time?" and you don't have a watch? And then you have to say "Uhh... I'm using the hair on my wrist as a sundial!" Stella- (after security guards put out a microscopic fire out with a bucket of water outside the art gallery) ..... let's go start another one! Madeleine- So I guess Shaun's not in class today then? Max- Yeah he is you're just sitting on him! Cory- (after telling some bullshit lie just to annoy us)... and then I crash landed on an eskimo. Me-- Cory stop telling stories! Kobi- Here are some words that rhyme with Cory.. Damon- 'story', Kobi- Allegory, Damon and Kobi- Montasory!! Adam- I can't come tomorrow! Me- There's no such thing as 'can't' in this instance! Adam- yes there is! What if James is sitting outside my door NAKED!? Me- Then you break the window and James will have to pay for it! It will be his fault! Adam- No that can't happen Me- Then just use the secret passage in your cupboard! Adam (long pause like he doesn't want anyone else to hear him) - .... shhhh! Me- (after Katie found a wallet in the mosh pit at the end of Rock It) * holding up the wallet and yelling* MICHAEL CHAMBERLAIN .... DO WE HAVE A MICHAEL CHAMBERLAIN?! *four or five hands go up* Me- *pauses* DO WE HAVE A MICHAEL CHAMBERLAIN WITH NO MONEY IN HIS WALLET!!!! *all the hands go down again* |
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