| two guys a girl and a pizza place..... |
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BERG: "I didn't want you blaming me for screwing up the rest of your life, so I went over there to get you two back together!" PETE: "And?!" BERG: "And she *never* wants to see you again!" PETE: "Most architects, when they graduate, they only have a bunch of blueprints. I am going to have a 12,000 square foot resume." BERG: "Man, you're gonna need one hell of a manila envelope." PETE: Berg! (walking out of the bathroom in his robe) Why is there no hot water? You were supposed to mail the bill! BERG: "Sharon hasn't been around all week, so I couldn't score stamps" PETE: "Oh. Oh, well listen....I'll give you the name of her connection. The post office!" BERG: (later.. getting off the couch) I say we march up to her apartment and set things straight! We take back our laundry. Borrow some stamps- PETE: Grab a quick shower. BERG: And let her apologize. PETE: "Anyone with a lawn that nice, has to have something buried underneath it." BETHANY: "I wouldn't miss it for anything." BERG: "Well, what if both of your legs were caught in a bear trap and...you had a cold?" BETHANY: "I'd chew myself free and take a decongestant." BERG: "I love a girl with a plan." BERG: "Molly has...how can I put this...horrifying scary evil violent side!" PETE: "I see...that must be why she baked you muffins this morning!" BERG: "Help me pick a new major, No, I'm serious. I need to make a decision, go ahead pick a major, any major." PETE: "Russian Economics." BERG: "Phew, glad that's over with." BERG: "After you have a drink with us." SHARON: "I can't drink." BERG: "Then why are you in college?" PETE: "You guys need a hobby." BERG: "We have one. You. You're non-toxic, fun for all ages, and come completely assembled." BERG: "Sharon, the second he sees that tattoo he's never letting me near anyone he cares about again. I wanted to be the best man at his wedding. I wanted to be Uncle Berg to his kids. He'd say 'no soda.' And I'd give them soda. Now no one gets soda." BERG: (singing) "It's...2 days 'til Christmas and Sharon's really...screwed. Lost her cushy job, Has to sell her car, Gonna be a...gardener." SHARON: (singing) "And Berg has to work on Christmas Day!" BERG: "I hate you!" ASHLEY: "I despise you!" BERG: "I loathe you!" ASHLEY: "I'll get the hotel room!" BERG: "And I'll drive!" PETE: "Ashley, how did you get in here?!" ASHLEY: "Well, I figured you'd do something stupid like change the locks, so I left the window open a crack." PETE: "A crack? Oh, wait a minute, I forgot -- vampires can turn into mist." SHARON: "I want everyone to know that I am just here for Berg." ASHLEY: "Well, why do you think I'm here?" SHARON: "According to the Bible, to balance good." BERG: When Sharon stops down we'll make her give us a ride. PETE: What makes you think she's gonna stop down? BERG: (pauses) I stole her last roll of toilet paper. PETE: My God! You see, first, he's got you wearing scarves, then he's got you eating vegetables. Next thing you know, it's "Come on Sharon, let's smoke some crack!" SHARON: Okay. When you first started seeing Pete, did he tell you about me? MELISSA: Yah. I remember the first night Pete and I made love, you screamed, "Knock it off down there Pete, or I'll shoot your whore". It made me curious about you. GIRL come downstairs: "Wait till you see�oh, hi. You're not Pete." BERG: "I can be Pete. I was Pete for Halloween one year." Pete: Whoa, whoa, wha..what just happened here? Let's see, if you're number two�let me see if my math is correct�that means somebody else is number one. Huh! Berg: Where do ya hide your abacus? Pete: No, no, no, no�now stay with me, stay with me. This means if you, if you were in the Olympics, you'd be uh�silver! And if you were a Brady, you'd be Jan!! Berg: You're enjoying this aren't you? Pete: Is my enormous grin showing? Pete: [laughs.] What are you kiddin' me? You're a med student. What the hell do you know about architecture? Ashley: Well, uh my father's an architect. Pete: Yeah, well, my mother's a woman, but that doesn't mean I understand them. Berg: (hanging up phone) I have to fill in for a guy in my class. His grandmother died. Sharon: Oh my god. Could her timing be worse? PETE: Don�t tell me you slept with her. BERG: Well, that kinda ruins the end of my story. PETE: This is not happening. BERG: You can�t blame me for this. PETE: No? BERG: What am I supposed to do? Go up to every girl I meet at a party and say, �Excuse me, are you planning on dating Pete Dunville in 3 years?� PETE: Somehow you�ve gone back in time and ruined my life! PETE: Oooh, ooo, Ashley! Wow, I like that perfume! ASHLEY: (smiles) Thanks. PETE: What is it, brimstone? Pete: (Watching a rollerblader) Look at this guy. Showoff. Spinning and twirling... I hope he twirls into a bus |
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