| the simpsons..... |
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| HOMER QUOTES -BILLY: Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins. HOMER: Homer Simpson, smiling politely. Just blame it on the guy who doesn't speak English. Ahh, Tibor, how many times you've saved my butt. Ohhhhhhhhh, ya better not slouch, you better get fries, 'cuz if you don't I'm telling you why, Da-da-da's becoming....a clown. " If they can send a man to the moon, why can't they make my shoes smell good? Lisa, Vampires are make believe, like Elves, Gremlins and Eskimos (surrounded by a rhino) Jesus, Alla, Buddha...I love you all! "Oh, everything's cruel according to you. Keeping him chained up in the backyard is cruel. Pulling on his tail is cruel. Yelling in his ears is cruel. Everything is cruel. So excuse me if I'm cruel." Marge, quick, how many kids do we have have? No time, I'll just estimate. 9! Marge, It takes two people to lie; one to lie, and one to listen. Your mother seems really upset. I better go have a talk with her - during the commercial. I am so smart! I am so smart! S-M-R-T, I mean S-M-A-R-T... Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try * Don't worry. Being eaten by a crocodile is just like going to sleep... in a blender. "To alcohol: the cause of, and solution to all of lifes problems." Did you know that these so called "volunteers" don't even get paid?" I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over fifty, and if it�s speed dropped, it would explode! I think it was called The bus that couldn�t slow down. I�ve figured out an alternative to giving up my beer. Basically, we become a family of travelling acrobats. Here are your messages: �You have thirty minutes to move your car.� �You have ten minutes to move your car.� Your car has been impounded.� �Your car has been crushed into a cube.� �You have thirty minutes to move your cube.�� Oh, my god, Marge. A penalty shot, with only four seconds left. It�s your child versus mine! The winner will be showered with praise, the loser will be taunted and booed until my throat is sore. Marge, don�t discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It�s what separates us from the animals except the weasel. You couldn�t fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine. Homer: Hello, my name is Mr Burns, you have a letter for me.... Postoffice: Okay. What's your first name, Mr Burns? Homer: I ... Uh ... Don't know ... (suggested "We're goin to Moe's. If we're not back, avenge our deaths." "But I'm not a missionary! I don't even believe in Jebus!" [Seconds later] "Save me Jebus!" Homer: Hey Marge, look at me - I'm making people happy. I'm the magical man from happy land who lives in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane ... In case you didn't realize, I was being sarcastic. "My hotdog has a first name, its h-o-m-e-r, my hotdog has a second name, its h-o-m-e-r! "Aah! Hey, get off my sugar. Bad bees! Bad! Ow. Oww! Oh, they're defending themselves somehow!" "I won't lie to you, fatherhood isn't easy like motherhood." "Where is Bart, anyway? His dinner is getting all cold and eaten." "You can be the first to try out the new guest bedroom I built. Remember, if the building inspector comes by, it's not a room, it's a windowbox." "All right, let's not panic. I'll get the money back by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one." "Kids, let me tell you about another so-called 'wicked' guy. He had long hair and some wild ideas and he didn't always do what other people thought was right. And that man's name was... I forgot. But the point is... I forgot. Marge, you know who I'm talking about. He used to drive that blue car." "What about those red balls they have on car aerials so you can spot your car in a park. I think all cars should have them!" -I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there please save me Superman "Shut up, Brain, or I'll stab you with a Q-tip!" "Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night." "Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them." "Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done." "Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back...unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog (Marge): Homer, is this the way you pictured married life? (Homer): Yup, pretty much. Except we drove around in a van solving mysteries. (Homer): You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. [cheerily] The doctor thought I might have brain damage. (Bart): Dad, what's the point of this story? (Homer): I like stories. Marge): And try to be nice to my sisters. It's very hard on me to have you fighting all the time. (Homer): Oh, OK Marge, I'll get along with them. Then, I will hug some snakes...yes! Then, I will hug and kiss some poisonous snakes ... Now that's sarcasm. Homer:Oh Lisa, there�s no record of a hurricane ever hitting Springfield. Lisa: Yes, but the records only date back to 1978, when the Hall of Records was mysteriously blown away! (Captain Tennille) Oh, Simpson, you're like the son I never had. (Homer) And you're like the father I never visit. Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl. Ralph: I'm a boy! Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up. Millicent: Our ponies start at five thousand dollars. Cash. Homer: Isn't there like a pound where you can pick up cheap ponies that ran away from home? Marge: "Homer, did you call the audience chickens?" Homer: "No, Marge! I swear on this bible!" Marge: "That's not a bible. That's a book of carpet samples." Homer: "Mmmm...fuzzy" Lisa: "Boy, mom sure will be happy you won 50 dollars." Homer : "You'd think that wouldn't you? But you see, Lisa, your mother has this crazy idea that gambling is wrong. Even though they say it's OK in the bible." Lisa: "Really? Where?" Homer: "Uhh...somewhere in the back." Bart: "Why the hose, Homer? Homer: "What does it look like? I'll get our letter so wet the ink will run and no one will be able to read it." Bart: "Yeah, but don't other people have mail in there?" Homer: "So a few people won't get a few letters, boo hoo. You know the kind of letters people write! Dear somebody you never heard of, how is so and so? Blah blah blah blah blah. Your's truly, Some Bozo. Big Loss!!" (Bart): That's a hitch-hiker, Homer. (Homer): Ooh, let's pick him up! (Marge): No! What if he's crazy? (Homer): And what if he's not? Then we'd look like idiots. Lisa): Dad! You can't just leave us by ourselves, we need a baby-sitter! (Homer): Lisa, haven't you seen Home Alone? If some burglars come it'll be a hilarious situation... (Lisa): Dad! I had a bad dream! (Homer): Oh Lisa. You just lay down and tell me all about it. (Lisa): I know this sounds absurd, but I was dreaming that the Boogieman was chasing me and... (Homer): AAHH! Boogieman! [Runs to Bart's room] (Homer): Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but we may have an ordeal involving a Boogieman or BoogieMEN in the house! (Bart): Aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!! (mr burns) Bart: But what's really amazing is that this is exactly what dad said would happen. Lisa: Yeah, dad was right. Homer: I know, kids, I'm scared too RALPH QUOTES My cat�s breath smells like cat food.� (ralph wiggum) �The doctor said I wouldn�t have so many nose bleeds if I kept my finger out of there.� That's where i saw the leprechaun, he told me to burn things This tastes like grandma When I grow up I'm going to be a principal, or a caterpillar!" Lisa's bad dancing makes my feet sad That's me sand box... I'm not allowed to go in the deep end- Miss Hoover.. I glued my head to my shoulder again Ralph: I eated the purple berries! Bart: How'd they taste ralph? Ralph: Rrrr...oooo...they taste like burning! - Miss Hoover: Ralph are you eating paste again? Ralph: Mno Mfss Hoovrr. GRANDPA SIMPSON- -�Now my story begins in 19-dickety-two. We had to say �dickety� cause the Kaiser had stolen our word �twenty�. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles.� GRANDPA SIMPSON-- - �Y�know,you remind me of a poem I can�t remember, and a song that may never have existed, and a place I�m not sure I�ve ever been to. CHEIF WIGGUM--- (Answering the phone whilst watching TV.) No, you've got the wrong number, this is 91...2) MR BURNS-- Smithers, for attempting to kill me, I�m giving you a 5% pay cut.� MR BURNS-- -Tell you what, if we come back and everyone's slaughtered, I'll owe you a coke. MILLHOUSE- And do you remember the time when Santa's Little Helper ate my goldfish, and you tried to convince me that I never had a goldfish ... but why did I have the bowl Bart, why did I have the bowl?" MILLHOUSE-- - You promised Fudgeicles, Bart. Where are the Fudgeicles? Where are the FUDGEICLES?" SIDE SHOW BOB- Attempted murder? Now what is that? Do we give a nobel prize for attempted chemistry?! BART AND LISA- Sing us another song Cherry Bobbins!!! CHERRY BOBBINS-"I've been singing you songs all day, i'm not a bloody jukebox. Hutz: Mrs Simpson. What did you and your husband do after you were ejected from the restaurant? Marge: We pretty much went home. Hutz: Mrs Simpson, you are under oath. Marge: We drove around until 3 am looking for another "All you can eat" fish restaurant. Hutz: And when you couldn't find one? Marge: ....We went fishing |
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