 Even though he was an enemy of mine, I had to admit that what he had accomplished
was a brilliant piece of strategy. First, he punched me, then he kicked me, then he punched me again.
One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to disneyland,
but instead I drove him to a burned-out old warehouse. "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." He
cried and cried, but i think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive
over to the real disneyland, but it was getting pretty late.
People think i have all the answers. But I dont even know the questions. "Hey, where am I?"
I  remember that fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. "You dont have to
tell me," I said "I'm off the team, aren't I?" "Well," said Coach, "you
never were really on the team. You made that uniform you're wearing of rags and towels, and your helmet
is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to
get it back or, try to tackle people at innappropiate times." It was all true what he was saying.
And yet, I thought, something is brewing inside the head of this coach. He sees something in me, some
kind of raw talent that he can mold.  But that's when i felt the handcuffs go on.
When I was a child, there were times when we had to entertain ourselves. And usually the best way to do
that was to turn on the TV.
If I was being executed by injection, I'd clean up my cell real neat. Then, when they came to get me,
I'd say, "Injection? I thought you said 'inspection.'" They'd probably feel real bad, and maybe I could
get out of it.
I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children's children, because I don't
think children should be having sex.
Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.
The crows are calling my name, thought caw.
I bet when the neanderthal kids would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick, heavy brows." Then they would all get embarrassed because they remembered they had the big hunky brows too, and they'd get mad and eat the snowman.
Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.
got some deep thoughts of your own? email me
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