Archives -- August 2004

Well, since its almost time for school i decided to double up on games to waste time. Heres another game thats pointless and stupid, but suprisely addictive. Especially because nobody will beat my score. Ever. Beat this motherbitches, 149 pop-ups killed. You can't do it but you might as well try. Kill the Pop-ups.

Its a new beat my score, motherbitches. This game is pretty self-explainatory, but i'll explain anyways. You gotta keep this drunk guy on his feet as long as you can using your mouse to keep him pedalin on. My best is 94 meters. Good luck. Drunk Game.

I got a call from Arby's 'Oven Mitt' today. He said he was calling about an interview. He said he wanted to clear his image about how much he and i quote "sucks". I was suprised at first because hes a TV mascot, but his voice seemed sincere so I said sure.

My interview with the Arby's 'Oven Mitt'
Evil King: 'Oven Mitt', how is business going at Arbys? Stock up?
Oven Mitt: (Politely Laughs) We have had excellent business by coming out with new sandwiches. Even if those don't go over well, we always have the popular Roast Beef.
Evil King: Oh yes, that is my favorite item on the Arbys Menu. But lets get down to brass tacks here. Everyone knows why your here talking to me. Your trying to clear up your image. People, and please pardon my french, fucking hate you. How do you intend to reverse that?
Oven Mitt: Its simple. I'll just talk to the Marketing people and the Ad people. They'll understand that i am unhappy with my situation and maybe change the approach. I am hoping for a deal like Geico Gecko. Hes slick and cool but to the point.
Evil King: Oh come on. Your an Oven Mitt. Do you think upstanding business grads will listen to a god damn household item? I was laughing under my breath the whole time you were talking to me. I almost crapped my pants from the halirity. Whats your defense?
Oven Mitt: Thats just it. I am "The Oven Mitt". Without me, what is Arbys? A crappy sandwich shop. Without my halirious gags and sayings, Arby's is a body without a face. Unrecognizable. If I even hint to stepping out the door the Arby's Execs with be crying and kissing my non-existent feet.
Evil King: Thats a very valid point. But answer me this. Whats up with all the stupid commercials you do? Like the one when you are standing in the Arby's kitchen jabbing about how you might be able to fit into a speedo if you continue the pace your at on the Arby's diet. That was just gay. Or the one where you begged a fellow arby's employee to give you a ride in his car. He agreed and he held you out the sunroof. You were having a good time until you flew off his hand. That one wasn't all that bad, but let me ask you this. What did you enjoy more, the air passing by your face or the employees hand squarely up your ass.
Oven Mitt: Now thats just outrageous! I ask you for a kind interview to clear up my image and you just make it worse by claming i am gay? This is outrageous.
Evil King: Ok i hear you. No more slurs. I'll just call you flambouyant and a little to excited for "National Coming Out Day".
Oven Mitt: Well, i have had enough. It was nice talking to you.
Evil King: Lets just hope i broke his spirit enough to make him retire.

And my schedule if anyone cares.
1. Chem Reg - Mamma, E.
2. Ancient Civ - Gonyea, P.
Adv - Olson, T.
Lunch A, fuck.
3. Approaching Analysis - Peters, K.
4. Comp Tech I - Reinhardt, B.
5. IM 4 MM1 - Squire, J.
6. Spanish III - Rodriguez, M.
Like I said, "Don't fret school, fool". Also, don't let this saturate the fact that Oven Mitt sucks.

School is a mere three weeks away. Some people are freaking out but seriously guys. Three weeks is a long time, the way i think of it is, think of all the fun shit that'll happen man. Laughing really hard at some freshman we all dont know getting canned by somebody. Laughing even harder when some other freshman trips on the stairs and making him feel like a fucking idiot. Then topping of the day with a halirious thing that nick will do. Maybe he'll get pushed into a black girl, but we'll never find out until school. Thats the mode you gotta get into to get remotely pumped for school.

Everything will be alright, except for the actual school part. Which will royaly blow, but thats only like 60-80 percent of school so no worries. The classes will be straight clownin', like Ancient Civ and Chemistry (except all you fuckers signed up for IB chemistry).

I tried my best to soothe the pain of school, i probably failed. Well dry your tears because crying is gay. Haha just kidding ladies, danny and james.

Hey guys, I meant to do a usual story type update tonight but i started making evil king banners and couldn't stop. Check out my nights work.

EK Button Number 1	Banner Number One
EK Button Number 2
EK Button Number 3
Banner Number Two
Banner Number Three
Banner Number Four

For people who are confused, because i was at first. "Fuck Reality" is referring to the selling of homes. Not what kind of dimension/state of life we live in. Also, check out Nick's Band site I finished tonight. Laconic Dream. Well, that was a long night. Time for bed.

Many of you already know about the big Evil King poker tournament but I'll tell about it for the people who dont know about it.

The Evil King World Series of Poker
- August 21 and 22 at 6:00 in my basement
- 10 Dollar Buy-In
- Over 100 Dollars to the Winner
- We will be playing Texas Hold 'Em
- Cash Prizes for all players who make it to the final table
- Starting Chip Amount
+ 10 Whites : 5 Blues : 2 Reds
- There will be circa 5 or 6 tables and the winners of those tables will play at the final table of 5 or 6 players.
- Invite required, don't just show up

It'll be a good time and your welcome to stay if you lose. Also, feel free to come to the next day to watch the final table, if it is not played on the 21st. Space is somewhat limited so talk to me soon so you can get a cut of this action.

Ok, guys. I may not have funny pictures that i magically create from paint program or any witty photoshop alterations, but i have mindless jibber jabber that most people have the patients to get half way through. But fuck, i sweat and bleed over this websites perfection. Ya thats right, my own blood.

Some other websites do hilarious shit by making pictures and stuff but i use love and passion. Thats the kind of fucking dedi-fucking-cation i have to this fucking website. Even if i get 20 hits a day i will still stay up late and bite my nails to a nub over a post that isn't coming together. You wanna know how much i get paid? Not enough or nothing, im not sure but thats beside the point. The point is I would write anything on this website to make anybody laugh. Shit man.

Enjoy the new site, stay up and dont fret about school, its about to be off the chain. Now Enjoy these political posters!