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Rolling a joint is an art that takes years of practise and many sessions to master but with the help of this guide you'll be well on the way and soon be able to impress your mates with a proverbial phat whone.

Roach: A roach is a piece of rolled up cardboard which is used in place of a filter. The best kind of roach is plain and unprinted as most ink is carcinogenic if you accidentally get too cained and smoke it up. The type of card will also make a difference, too thin and it'll be flattened in seconds, too thick and you'll never manage to get any air through it. Birthday cards are about the perfect consistency. Some nutters use a filter instead of a roach but make sure you don't because not only will it give you a hernia trying to pull the smoke through it but it also takes all the goodness out of the joint. Lastly the diameter of the roach will also affect how your joint smokes. The worst thing you can do is make it too big, this means you'll end up sucking the contents of your master roll down your neck (which is a total disaster). Rolling your roach too small isn't good either though since it'll clog up and you won't be able to get anything out of it but then you can always rip it off and smoke it old skool stylee. (I prefer a wider diameter wiv a skunk joint and a thinner one for a solids joint just in case you were wondering)

This is a roach

Papers: Rizlas, papers, skinz, whatever you call them, these are the buggers that will make your joint. Generally the thinner the better (to cut down on smoking burnt paper), although thinner papers can be a bastard to roll. The wider variety are designed to make more tailor-made, novelty joints whereas the more narrow ones are for the more humble, single-skinned roller. Remember if your papers are the wrong size you can always stick them together to make a bigger pattern or make a fold, lick along it and rip off some excess paper to make it smaller. (I use Rizla Reds for minimum effort and maximum spliff size)

These are a pack of skinz

Cigarettes: The choice of cigarette is essential for a perfect smoke every time. For high resin hash (normally blacker in colour and harsher to smoke) I recommend a stronger fag like B&H. For hash with less resin, or some fine skunk I recommend a lighter fag like Mayfair Lights. If you only have strong fags and want to smoke some quality skunk then you can toast your fag to get rid of some of the tar to make it smoke a bit better. Some people do actually use rolling backy for joints but while they're still smoking their first spliff any man with common sense and some fags will already be on his fifth. As such rolling backy should only be used if you don't have any fags or if your plan is to roll an 80% pure skunk spliff (cause then it doesn't matter, you'll only manage one and it'll smoke like a bastard anyway).

Boats: A boat, while not essential to rolling a joint can often be helpful. A playing card works fine, just fold it in half and keep folding until it looks something like an M from the side. Then you can plonk your rizla in there with no apprehension about your mix falling out and getting stuck in the carpet.

Building your first joint: Having got your rizla cut to size (or supped up in size), your roach ready, with a fag in one hand and a suitable sized lump in the other you're ready to roll your first joint. First you need to make sure that the sticky bit of the rizla is on the top as overwise it could spell disaster later on when it comes to rolling the joint. Now you want to get the fag into the rizla, you can do this by either grabbing it at the end and twisting it until it all falls out or you can lick along the seal (where the fag paper sticks to itself), pinch it at one end and pull it all the way to the other end, undoing the fag. Make sure you leave some fag for topping (to put on top after the ganja) or otherwise your joint will spoon when the fag burns faster than the ganja and it will be an embarrassment to the joint rolling community. Now that you have your fag in the skin you may want to remove any large chunks of bark so that it doesn't stop the air flow through the joint, particularly if said chunks are at the roach end. You may even want to crumble the backy for an equal consistency and minimum spoonage (although if you got the backy there by twisting the fag alot then this is pretty much done anyway). Refer to the other sections for putting the ganja in, add some extra backy on the top and you're ready to roll!

Hash: If you have a nice lump of hash then obviously you'll need to put it in a spliff. To do this you must master the art of sprinkling. If your chunk is a bit on the small side you might want to put it all into the joint, if so you will probably find buffing it up to be considerably easier than trying to sprinkle it (less burnt fingers that way). To sprinkle, get your hash, spark up a lighter and put the two together. Denser hash (generally with more resin in and blacker in colour) takes longer to heat up so hold the lighter to it for longer. As a rule, when the puff actually starts to catch alight itself then it's time to sprinkle it. Take your two forefingers and a thumb (preferably on the same hand) and grab the chunk where you where heating it, it shouldn't require too much effort for it to come away from the rest of the chunk so take it easy. Remember if you do really grab it then not all of the stuff left in your hand will have actually have been heated properly and it won't sprinkle very well (creating massive hot rocks later on). Also, make sure that if there are any glowing specks on the gear after flaming, you put them out (wet your finger and poke it) before you start to sprinkle it or you'll either drop the gear or get blisters on your fingers. Lastly, it may be possible to do an 80% pure skunk spliff but if you try doing the same with hash you will have no chance of smoking it at all. Anymore than about a third pure is too much and for your less enthusiastic cainer I recommend even less.

Skunk: Skunk has the edge over hash in many respects but perhaps the most useful is that it doesn't need flaming before you put it in a joint (hence it is entirely possible to roll a phat whone under the table while your English teacher jabbers about Shakespeare, thus having it ready for breaktime). As Mr. Afroman recommends, pick out the seeds and stems before putting it in your joint as the seeds have no THC and taste like shite and the stalks will rip massive holes in your rizla when it comes to rolling. (The stalks do have THC in though and if that's all you've got left then you'll need to snip them up before smoking 'em). To sprinkle, either cram it in a herb grinder, use scissors or just use your fingers. A skunk joint can be pretty much as strong as you like up to about 80% pure but it chaffs a bit after that.

Rolling your first joint: Having constructed a suitable build and with you gagging to smoke it, it's time to roll the beastie. It is a matter of preference whether you roll with the roach in or stick it in afterwards but believe me, trying to stick the roach in when you've already had a bit to smoke and your roll is a disaster is not easy and has led many people to actually eat the joint itself they've got so distressed with it! OK, now take a deep breath and dive for the build, picking it up using both hands with your forefingers supporting it at the back and your thumbs at the front. Your thumbs should be pushing gently at the top of the paper, just above where the mix is, so that the paper at the front and the back are touching. First you want to give the joint a bit of a preliminary shaping, so keep the paper tight around the mix with your thumbs and start moving your thumbs up and down. The difficult part is this.......get both thumbs at the roach end and push them round like so:

Side view

The picture might look a bit dodgy but it is essential that you get your thumbs right in there to get the paper as tight around the mix as possible. You will need to shape the mix as you go along by moving your thumbs up and down as before but this time apply a bit more pressure. Once you've pushed your thumbs in as far as you can use your forefingers to pull the paper at the back round and over the part which you just shaped, at the same time move your thumbs along the joint (shaping as you go along). Carry on doing this all the way up the joint but make sure that the bit you just did remains tight and doesn't come apart again. Once you reach the end you should have a tightly packed joint with excess paper at the top. As you can probably guess you need to lick the sticky bit and strap it down before you can smoke it but after that it's plain sailing.

Sorting it out: If you managed to roll a phat whone then congratulations, if not then you'll need to sort it out. One of three things has happened, either it was a total disaster and you'll need to reroll or it didn't quite stick properly or it just needs to be a bit tighter.

If it didn't stick somewhere along the rizla you might be able to sort it out. Take another skin and rip off the sticky bit (by folding and licking along it first). Simply take the sticky and strap it down, across the part that didn't stick rather than along it works best.

If the rizla has stuck properly or has been doctored accordingly and the roach doesn't keep falling out or look like you could suck the entire joint through it then you're probably alright because you can tighten up any joint you just need to know how. Take the joint with your thumb and forefinger and, starting at the roach end, roll it around between them applying a bit of pressure (like when you twisted the fag to make the backy fall out). As you work your way up take the joint and drop it onto a hard surface every so often (roach end first) so all the mix is first loosened and then packed down. Once you get to the end use a fag butt or clipper flint to poke down the cone end and twist it off (twist the excess paper so it looks a bit like a Christmas cracker at one end). You can then grab the twisty bit and wave the joint around in the air in a cunning manner as to tighten the joint even more (centrifugal force pushes all the mix to the roach end you see), just make sure the roach isn't going to fly out or anything because then it will all be for nothing.

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