Cube

Symptom: There are ugly women in your sights

Diagnosis: Insufficient beer intake

Solution: Drink more beer

Symptom: Feet are cold and wet

Diagnosis: You have tipped your glass too far

Solution: Rotate glass 180 degrees and refill

Symptom: Feet are warm and wet

Diagnosis: Failed bladder control

Solution: Stand next to the nearest dog and complain about house training

Symptom: People are walking side ways, wall opposite has fluorescent lighting on it

Diagnosis: You have fallen backwards

Solution: Right yourself and get someone to tie you to the bar

Symptom: Cigarette butts in your mouth, room unusually dark

Diagnosis: You have fallen forwards

Solution: See above

Symptom: Unfamiliar room with unfamiliar people in it

Diagnosis: You have walked into the wrong party

Solution: See if they have free beer

Symptom: Beer is unusually pale and tasteless

Diagnosis: Someone is trying to sober you up

Solution: Punch him

Symptom: Room and people seem distorted

Diagnosis: You are looking through the end of your glass

Solution: Get someone to buy you another beer

Symptom: Familiar squishy feeling in your hands

Diagnosis: You have grabbed a girl's breasts

Solution: Duck to avoid boyfriend

Symptom: Head hurts, hand hurts, mind unusually clear

Diagnosis: You've been in a fight

Solution: Apologise to everyone in case it was them

Symptom: People are crowding over you, bed is bouncing around

Diagnosis: You are in an ambulance

Solution: It's to late, you've already made an arse of yourself

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