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HOW TO HELP A FRIEND WITH AN EATING DISORDER
1. WHAT IS AN EATING DISORDER
Anorexia nervosa is characterized by restricted eating and refusal to maintain normal body weight; persistent fear of being fat; feeling fat when one is not; absent or erratic menstrual cycles in females.
Bulimia nervosa occurs when there are recurrent episodes of binge eating and a feeling of lack of control over eating; regular use of self-induced vomiting, laxatives, diuretics, fasting or exercise to prevent weight gain; persistent over concern with weight.
Eating disorders are often associated with high achievemnent orientation and perfectionism, a need for control, poor self-esteem, and feelings of shame. The person (male or female) may become depressed or suicidal. The causes are still unclear, but are probably complex and multiple, including psychological, biological and social factors. Without treatment, eating disorders can become chronic and progressive and may threaten life and health.
2. WHAT CAN I DO?
If you and others have observed behaviors in your friends or roommate that are suggestive of an eating disorder, you are in a position to help.
Make a plan to approach the person
in a private place when there is no
immediate stress and time to talk.
Present in a caring but
straightforward way what
you have observed and what
your concerns are. Tell her or him
that you are worried and want to
help. (Friends who are too angry
with the person to talk
supportively should not
be part of this discussion.)
Give the person time to talk and
encourage them to verbalize feelings.
Ask clarifying questions. Listen
carefully; accept what is said in a
non-judgmental manner.
Do not argue about whether there
is or is not a problem--power
struggles arenot helpful. Perhaps
you can say, " I hear what your
saying and I hope you are right
that this is not a problem.
But I am still very worried about
what I have seen and heard, and
that is not going to go away."
Provide information about resources
for treatment. Offer to go with
the person and wait while they have
their first appointment with a
counselor, physician, or
nutritionist. Ask them
to consider going for one
appointment before they make
a decision about ongoing treatment.
If you are concerned that the eating
disorder is severe or life-threatening,
enlist the help of a counseling center
staff member, or a relative, friend or
roommate of the person before you
intervene. Present a united and
supportive front with others.
If the person denies the problem,
becomes angry, or refuses treatment,
understand that this is often part of
the illness. Besides, they have a
right to refuse treatment (unless
their life is in danger). You may
feel helpless, angry, and frustrated
with them. You might say, " I know
you can refuse to go for help, but
that will not stop me from worrying
about you or caring about you. I may
bring this up again to you later, and
maybe we can talk more about it then."
Follow through on that--and on any
other promise you make.
Do not try to be a hero or a
rescuer; you will probably be
resented. If you do the best you
can to help on several occasions and
the person does not accept it,
stop. Remind yourself
you have done all it is reasonable to
do. Eating disorders are stubborn
problems, and treatment is most
effective when the person is truly
ready for it. You may have planted a
seed that helps them get ready.
Eating disorders are usually not
emergency situations. But if the
person is suicidal or otherwise in
serious danger, GET PROFESSIONAL HELP
IMMEDIATELY.
Redistributed by Capital Region Association For
Eating Disorders (CRAED), 1653 Central Avenue
c/o Colonie Community Center, Albany, NY 12205
518-464-9043.
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