funnyquotes8

when a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

3 out of 4 americans make up 75% of the population.

a day without sunshine is like night.

silence does not need to be filled.

ever notice how fast windows runs? neither did i.

double your hard drive space - delete windows!

daddy, what does "formatting drive c:" mean?

write your questions down on the back of a 20 dollar bill and send them to me.

if you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late

when you're right, no one remembers. when you're wrong, no one forgets

i like work. it fascinates me. i can sit and look at it for hours.

two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left

if life hands you lemons today, smile and give thanks. then when life isn't looking, give him a quick knee to the groin. that'll teach him.

dreaming frees the soul, energizes the spirit and allows you to do things that would get your ass thrown in jail if you really tried them

they say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient. but giving the finger is free too, and i find it more personal and sincere.

you are not abusing drugs if you store them in a cool, dry place and never yell at them.

have you noticed that if you leave the laundry in the hamper long enough, it's ready to wear again?

true friends stab you in the front

ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy

i don't drive fast, i fly low.

anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of