funnyquotes2

have you ever noticed? anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac.

it takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

junk: stuff we keep
stuff: junk we keep

people never say "it's only a game" when they're winning.

ok, so what's the speed of dark?

i don't suffer from insanity. i enjoy every minute of it.

i've got enough money saved for the rest of my life. well.. .unless i want to buy something.

if man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

it's hard to be humble with genitals like mine.

just when i think i can make ends meet, someone moves the ends.

it's not premarital sex unless you're planning on getting married.

you do not need a parachute to skydive. you only need a parachute to skydive twice.

if only i could get that wonderful feeling of accomplishment without having to accomplish anything.

all i ask for is the opportunity to prove that money can't make me happy.

if everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

a pedestrian hit me and went under my car.

a big enough hammer fixes anything.

a mind is like a parachute, it works best when open.

the trouble with living life in the fast lane is that you get to the other end in an awful hurry.

you can't have everything. where would you put it?

i have found reality. what i'm looking for is a good fantasy.

i feel sorry for people who don't drink. when they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

sex is not the answer. sex is the question. "yes" is the answer.

it's said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. alright. problem is... so is ugliness

beauty is only a light switch away.

beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...

my girlfriend told me i should be more affectionate. so i got two girlfriends.

russian express card motto: don't leave home!

psychiatrists say that one out of five people are mentally ill. if four of your friends are ok, then you're the one.