funnyquotes5

drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

if we quit voting will they all go away?

he who laughs last thinks slowest.

courage is walking naked through a cannibal village.

i have just one thing to say. well, i don't really have anything to say. i guess, i just wanted some attention.

if you can't laugh at yourself, i'll be glad to do so for you.

i'm not your type. i don't vibrate.

don't worry. i forgot your name, too!

i pretend to work. they pretend to pay me.

this isn't an office. it's hell with flourescent lighting.

how do i set a laser printer to stun?

adults are just kids who owe money.

the only thing more important than a good education is a good parking spot at the mall.

the more people i meet, the more i like my dog.

hard work has future payoff, laziness pays off now.

remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

do i mind if you smoke? no. do you mind if i fart?

what matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.

your job is still better than asking "you want fries with that?"

this isn't burger king, you can't have it your way.

a smith & wesson *always* beats 4 aces.

a penny saved is nothing in the real world.

don't rush me. i get paid by the hour.

two wrongs are only the beginning.

define: de ting you get for breaking de law.

it's only unethical if you get caught.

the grass is always greener when you remember to water it.

we are born naked, wet and hungry. then things get worse.