6 yrs ago today, kurt cobain killed himself. well isn't that lovely? i remember i used to take out a candle and burn one for him, and sometimes, i'd hold a seance with some of my friends in hopes we would contact him. i'd always be the medium. one time, i think we almost got a hold of him. "Negative Creep" was blasting in the background, and i felt like i wasn't in my body, and i was being invaded... who knows? in seventh grade, Jason Sink would always say, "you've got the wrong day, man. in 'lake of fire', he was singing, 'they go to the lake of fire and fry. don't see them again until the fourth of july.' he's soming back on the fourth of july..." that would always make me laugh... i wonder where jason is now...
anyways, hm... how do i feel today? tired, bored, and angry... the usual. i was supposed to hang out with nassar today. which could either mean one of two things: a.) he broke up with his girlfriend and he's gone a week without sex and is going to die of deprivation OR b.) he acutally wants to hang out with me, for once, and doesn't want sex. yay. he keeps saying all this bullshit about how he's not going to have sex with anyone he doesn't care about... whatever. it was just going to be a strictly friends with benefits thing... yeah, whatever... where do i begin? well, he had just broken up with his girlfriend, and i just got ditched by mine, and we decided that we'd rebound off each other and stuff... it seemed like a good idea at the time, lol. so we started fucking, and that was a really crazy week... he still talks about it. sometime after that, he told daph that he might ask me out and he though i was really hot. but i was too busy bitching about the ex to notice. then he got a girlfriend, and i got mad. 3 wks. later, he breaks up with that chick, and we start having sex again. he gets another girlfriend, and she's korean and turned 17 in november, like me. she kind of dresses like me, and she's got my haircut. the entire time they're together, he bitches to me about how stupid and annyoing she is. they broke up, and we have sex... he gets a girlfriend, he bitches about how psycho this chick is, and they break up 4-5 wks later... and we have sex... yep. that's about it. that's how it's been for the past 9-10 mo. then about a month ago, we went to georgetown and on the way home he started talking about how there should be more to me and him than just sex. and i wanted to believe, and i did half-heartedly... then he got a new girlfriend 2 wks. later. yay! i don't really care anymore... i've just come to the conclusion that men, in general, are the most stupidest things that have ever walked this planet, and i'm about this close to forget about men and be happy with a girl. (hi, star).
as for my ex, brian, i think he hates me. sometimes, i wonder if everything he's ever told me is a lie... and his way of saying goodbye, i was told, was a copout. i just want answers. it's been almost a year anyway... i've made attempts recently to try to be friends with him, but he doesn't reply.
anyways, it's time for me to go and call nassar to see what he wants. yay... *sigh*
4-6-00 *excuse me but can i be you for a while?*
angry angry little me...
brian's an ass... i don't know what i ever saw in the boy. i'm seething. "...i guess i should begin by telling you why i did what did to you, it does seem to be the driving force behind this conversation afterall. i did it because i hated myself for leading you on for so long. the second time around was less an attempt to fix what i had done than an attempt to see what else i could do. i was seeing how far i could take something that i wasn't extremely interested in being involved in. god, that makes me sound like a monster. look, i didn't mean to hurt you at the time, but it is just how it happened. for what it's worth i've felt terrible about it ever since..." yeah, whatever. thanx to you, i am now an extremely bitter and angry person, and i haven't opened up to anyone because i'm afraid they'll do what you did to me. are you happy now? good. and all this is a bunch of bullshit. you should've told me the entire truth up front, and things wouldn't be the way they are right now. and yes, maybe you are a monster. you are cold, you have no feelings. you are not a person at all. and yet, i keep crawling back for more. i need the pain, the abuse. i thrive on it. and you are the driving force. sometimes, i wish i had never met you at all, and then maybe i'd be a bit better off. anyways, i'm going out for a while....
4-7-00 *i know this much is true*
damn, this is the second time i've written this over because my stoopit sister closed the window and the browser and it's driving me crazee! anyways, as i was writing...
i'm not seething anymore. i'm still angry, yes, but i'm not foaming at the mouth smoke coming out of my ears and nostrils and bouncing off the walls raving angry. i'm calmed down and thought and thought. i'm still thinking. damn... i liked it better when i wans't thinking so much, lol... but i know this much is true. i dont love brian, but i don't hate him either. i'm just indifferent. it was wrong of me to throw a huge tantrum, but yet i had every right to. i had every right to be angry. he says that he's seen hate from me, but he hasn't. he hasn't seen true hate from me. if he really wanted to, he could spend an entire day following me around skool and home and seeing everything i do and reading every thought. he'd know as soon as i got home, i itch to get out, and i leave as soon as walk in the door. i'm gone until god knows when, and then i'm found here, on the internet. that's the only way people can reach me now... i admit, i'm addicted, and this webpage thing is my new obsession. anyways, i think brian wants to be pitied for everything that has happened to him, but in turn he'll trat you like shit because he doesn't know what else to do... (psychoanalyzing this boy is a fun game...) and once again, he's disappeared. (he's getting good at this too, lmao) yay!!!! (i think) sometimes, i wonder what would've happened if i had never had met him... would i still be the same? and sometimes i wish i never knew him, that i never had met him-- but then i wouldn't have learned what i've learned in the past 3 years. i don't think i would've grown up as much as i have. sara says i should hunt him down and castrate him with a blunt, rusty spoon... i don't have the time, and besides, that's taking it a bit too far. i've got better things to do-- but it's a nice idea... lol. sara, we'll do the thelma and louise thing... anyways, i hope he doesn't mind too much that i'm going to try to get my diary published. i might need a release/permission type thing since he figures in prominently... aimee read it and kate read it and they said it was totally insane, but it kept you reading... it was really good. too many other people want to read it... and if it did get published, it might sell very well, and that would be my source of income for a while. it would pay off my medical bills. um... if i forgot to tell anyone, yesh, i have a heart problem. i have a right bundle branch block, which means that the electrical impulses in the right side of my heart are irregular, causing an irregular heartbeat. i also have a heart murmur, and i have cysts in my left breast that come and go. yay! i'm going to die sooner than most people, lol...
there's going to be a mini-protest and a free concert against WTO and IMF tomorrow at malcolm x park in dc. i'm going with claire, and that should be a lot of fun. BJ's supposed to be there. it should be really kool, and it's going to be very peaceful. :-) nassar called over and over again today, but i was on the internet. so he singed on and found me, isn't that sweet? *lol*
10 avril 2000 *le lundi matin, l'empereur, sa femme, et le petit prince...*
moi, je suis tres desolee. mes amis sont tres aggrive parce-que un homme met un petit mot pour moi peut-etre, et le petit mot etais tres bizarre. mes amis ne sont amusee, et maintent, ils sont furieux (en peu) avec moi. aujourd'hui, j'ai vais au lycee, et maintenent, je suis tres faitguee. (translation: i'm sorry. my friends are a bit aggrivated because some boy put a message possibly for me and the note was a bit bizzare. my friends are not amused, and now, they are a little mad at me. today, i went to skool, and now i'm very tired.) okay, enough french for now. i passed 3rd quarter with a "d+" in french 3. that's very good, considering i had a very low "F" at interim. damn, sis needs the pc. g2g. byebye.
11 avril 2000 *walking on broken glass*
dwell not on unhappy thought. Daph wasn't is skool today and neither was GlamKatie. it was very quiet... eerily so. and kristopher... HA! *snicker* Autumn, time for another bitch fest! LoL... kristopher let me go through his cd's today... pishposh... he's got depeche mode '86-'98, not too shabby. he's slowly becoming a pet peeve (once again) but i have to be nice because he's my way there and back from the nine inch nails concert. (note to self, when credit card bill comes, explain and then run out of the house.) thte thing that drives me absolutely nuts is that he's always singing songs from "the downward spiral", particularly, "mr. self-destruct." which is a good song, but he ruined it for me, and i don't ever want to hear it again. he tries way too hard to be "goth" but doesn't come close. he wears a fishnet shirt that looks like it's been cut and frayed by sticking it in the washing machine; he wears the same olive green button down shirt and everything he wears just doesn't go! i don't know how to explain it. you just have to see for yourself. Autumn, GlamKatie, Daph, and I aren't amused... Andrew... now he was a true goth! So beautiful, so graceful... damn, i wish i had his disposition. anyways, enough rambling about kristopher and Andrew...
12 avril 2000 *lalalalala*
Kates came over today, and we went to Chris's house. Catherine was obsessing over what to get her boyfriend, Bobert, for their one month anniversary. i said to bake him a giant heartshaped chocolate chip cookie, which kate turned into a giant heart-shaped brownie. Catherine was all like, "Nina, i can't give him a giant brownie! he got me really expensive flowers!" Catherine called her mum and told her about my idea, and her mum said it was. Catherine got upset, but since she needed money, her mum told Catherine that she'd meet us up at the library. we went to the library, and we found chris. Kates got a bit mad cause i was shreiking and prancing around. Catherine said that is was really disgusting the way me and Chris were behaving-- it was sickeningly too affectionate. i didn't think i was being that affectionate. if she wants to see distgustingly and utterly yucky affection, i'll show it... "nina and i share a special kind of relationship." that sent Kates laughing. anyways, we met up with chris's mum @ the library, and chris didn't want to get in the car and go home with his mum. so he came along with us to CVS to buy the "one month anniversary present" while Kate and Catherine were obsessing over what to get him, Chris and i ran down to the makeup aisle and i started looking for lipstick that was already opened. i found this bright bright pink color and i tried to put it on Chris, but he protested. so i found other colors and i got to put makeup on Chris. that was a lot of fun. Catherine finally bought a zippo and we had to hide it. and we bought a huge bar of chocolate as the "bullshit present" :-) well, so bobert came 2 hrs later than he said he would, which was fine. and Catherine and Bobert exchanged their presents and got all mushy. yay! he liked the zippo, and i told him about the brownie/cookie idea and he was like (picture keanu reeves), "whoah! that would've been kool... food!" Bobert unnnerved me a little. here's this hyperactive 15 yr. old boy.... and here's me, 17, disillusioned but semi-happy (300mg of lithium will do this to you). he unnerved me. i'm not used to having a ball full of hypercharged energy being a part of my daily exposes. wow... fifteen... that was such a long long time ago. i remember being extremely obnoxious and insanely hyper, but i did that for attention. Kates couldn't drive me-sa bum-sa home-sa so i had to call the "Jade Emperor" (my dad.) and he bitched at me for leaving without permission and for not leaving the #, address, etc. to where i was going to be. i asked him to come pick me up, so he bitched at me some more and grumbled, "fine." i gave him the address, etc. and Kates, Chris, Catherine, Bobert, and I waited outside. Bobert and Catherine decided to show some PDA, which was equally disgusting, and they kinda disappeared. Kates went and found them and they had a floorgy. i joined, and then i saw my dad's car go up the street. I got up and ran after it-- everyone else laughed. I stood on the corner and waved my arms around, and the my dad turned around and flew right past it a second time. and everyone laughed even harder. my dad backed up, and i hugged everyone goodbye, and then i went fome. crikey... i don't know why it's so hard to find... Nassar got it right the first time... (he's disappeared again too) Nina miss Aimee. Aimee come home soon for Easter! NiNA and AiMeE meet Aimee's birth mummy. :-) nina talk to ayleen on sun! yay!!!! happy happy joy joy! *monkey dance*
13 avril 2000 *and now for something completely different*
aujourd'hui, there were 3 foreign exchange students in my art class today. Theig was from Norway, and he was very cute. we talked for a while, and he saw my anti-WTO and IMF propoganda, and he was very excited and talked a whole lot about that. Duart even talked to me today! OH MY GOD! *giggle* there were two girls from Germany, and they were very quiet. they only talked to each other... Theig was laughing to himself and said that he could understand perfectly everything that they were saying. so we talked more about nine inch nails, IMF and WTO, and all the rallies and protests that were happening all this week. i painted and decorated the posters that i had recieved at the rally on saturday, and it was a very interesting class. i talked to my ayleen yesterday, but he had to leave. i was kind of sad, but then he asked if i was going to be on later last night. i told him that i'd try... but i couldn't get on because i had a ton of homework. (complex fractions, ewwwww... when am i ever going to use the division of complex fractions?) anyways, i'm going to download napster and get i mother earth's "one more astronaut". anyways, g2g. byebye.
14 avril 2000 *lady picture show she hides behind the bedroom door*
last night, i got into a huge fistfight with my sister, hannah. she got home and the first thing she screams is, "GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!" and i was working on my homework and dowloading a bunch of shit, and she starts screaming. she saw the bowl of lasagne that i was eating and started screaming, "YOU PIG! YOU'RE SUCH A FAT ASS PIG! YOU'RE SO FUCKING LAZY! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN MY FUCKING ROOM? GET OUT!!!!!" and then she hit me. i hit her back and i told her not to fuck with me. and she hit me again and kept bitching. i hit her harder and then i grabbed her throat. she kept screaming and kicking. and i smacked her and she tried to dig her nails into my arm... then my mum came in. she tried to stop hannah and me from hitting each other, but it didn't do much. i stood and laughed at my mum. i got that crazy wild-eyed look i get when i'm snapping... and then my mum left, and hannah and i resumed screaming at each other. hannah starting bitching about how stupid i was and how much better at everything she is. and after 10 minutes of hearing that, i started to laugh again because everything she was saying was extremely ridiculous, and i told her that the only reason why she thinks she's smarter and better than everyone else is because she goes to tjssths. she's such a fucking bitch, and i hate her. so far, today, mary got upset at skool because this boy, danny, that she refused to sleep with started a bunch of shit with her and he called her a psycho bitch and an unfit mother. (mary had a baby dec '98 (she was 16/17), and she loves her baby to death.) and that sent mary off because danny's been picking on mary for the past couple of months (ever since she refused to fuck him. she also says he's got a small dick and doesn't last long and fucking him is a chore. HA!). mary ran and started beating the shit out of danny, and i felt really bad for her... and then Brian Lounsbury and this dumbjock guy in my english 12 class started talking to this other guy. Brian said, "you missed it! mary cerro went fucking psycho and started beating the shit out of this guy. it's pretty damn funny." and i heard it. i turned around as asked very politely, "could you please not say anything about her?" and the stupid dumbjock guy started making fun of me, and i went off on him and stormed off to class. one of the security guards saw what was going on, and talked to both of them. i laughed... until the stupid dumbjock guy walked into class. he said something to me, and i threw my orange at him. he started making fun of me again, and i screamed, "DON'T FUCK WITH ME!" and he kept on making fun of me. i ran towards him and i was going to fuck him up, but then this girl ran in front of me and stopped. i just left the room... i've been snapping a lot lately-- and getting that crazy, wild-eyed look in my eyes. i'm losing my patience with everyone. anyways, i'm listening to rusted root.... ah, sooo soothing... calming down again... i swear. i'm going to have a coronary and my blood pressure's going to skyrocket if i keep this up. i already have a weak and bad heart anyway that could potentially kill me, lol... nina's going out tonight!
16 april 2000 *and now for a taste of things to come*
so i replied back to brian, yay! i don't expect him to reply back, and it's a wonder he's actually been replying back for the past
2-3 weeks. so he hasn't quite disappeared left, lol... i'm supposed to do something with Tom on monday, and i'm doing something with Omar tomorrow after church. i think we're going to pentagon city! yay!!!! i really wanna go see american psycho or keeping the faith... and maybe i'll go see it with Tom. i haven't seen a moive since Sleepy Hollow came out. i didn't get to go doqwn to the protest today because my mummy said, "nina, no! you no get arrested! it's so dangerous!" and i had no $ for metro fare... Jermaine, Kieth's brother, said i chickened out-- WHICH I DID NOT!!! i worked on the webpage all day and changed the front page, etc. it was kool, but i was really bummed out about not being able to be where all the fun and violence was... hannah came home at 12:30 am, and she didn't get bitched at; however, whenever i do something like that, i get bitched at plenty. grrrr... not fair! oh well, at least i didn't get bitched at for my report card. no "f'''s for third quarter, yay!!!!!!! :-) only
6-7 weeks left of skool for me! and then off to nova i go.... :-)
17 april 2000 *i'm just a girl and i'd rather not be*
today, i mowed the lawn (in the hot, searing, scorching sun) and that took about 2 hrs. i almost passed out from heat exhaustion, and my pulse was racing. not good. then i had to scrub the toilet, the bathtub, and the sink. and then i washed the dishes. now isn't that fun? i took a nice, cold shower, dried myself off, got dressed, and called Omar. Omar couldn't leave his house cause he had some of his peeps over, and his mummy's becoming overly suspicious of me. (because i'm a girl. middle eastern and oriental cultures have strict rules regading conduct with the opposite sex.) that just makes me really mad. i've known Omar since, what, the thrid grade, and we've been pretty good friends since third grade. the fact that his mother is insinuating something bothers me. and the thought of Omar being any more than a friend is just disgusting... yechhhh. Tom wants to hook up with the infamous Rob Greeney (the truly evil ex!!!! Brian doesn't come anywhere close!). i've told Tom that Rob's a bastard and that he's going to use him and fuck him over. Tom just thinks he's hot... and since Rob does swing that way, then whatever... Rob hates me for some odd reason... as for me hating Rob, i have every right. i haven't thought about Rob for about 2 years; anyways, Rob is a bastard, and it's a wonder i didn't kill him that day in Hanson's house, lol... Rob's always saying a bunch of shit about me and he tells everyone he can't stand me. and he only calls me when he's fucked up, and begs and begs to let him come over. then when he sees me, he always begs to let him come over, and then he begs me to fuck him. and i say no, and i make him go away. and i tell him, "why do you keep asking when you tell everyone you can't stand me?" then he tells everyone else can't stand me... Nassar told me that a while ago, Matt, Rob, and him were all talking about me and Matt asked how good of a fuck i was, and Nassar said that i'm was one of the best fucks he's had... and then they start talking about fucking me, and Nassar later told me that you could tell that he missed fucking me... anyways, as the story goes, Rob decides to say something, and he says, "i can't stand that bitch. i hate her." and matt says, "then why do you always have to beg?" and Rob doesn't say anything, and Matt continues. that story always makes me laugh.
18 april 2000
i'm tired of pagebuilder fucking everything over, and making me retype things a billion different times, and i hate progidy for disconnecting me for no reason @ all. i'm about to kill my computer. and i "got" a "ring" from ayleen, but it's not a real one. this is it: O* it's a sweet gesture, but i'd like an actual one.
20 avril 2000 *i'll show you in spring, it's a treacherous thing*
ah, today was national pot smoking day, adolph hitler's b-day, and columbine high skool massacre's 1 yrs. anniversary. but i ignored the rest and partook in the 4/20 annual celebration. and i just got home... i left the house @ 9 am, and it's now 10:31 pm. i basically woke up @ 8:30 am, took a shower, got dressed, left the house @ 9 am, waited for 20-30 min cause the bus was running late (and kept getting hooted and honked @, which is extremely annoying!), caught the bus going to Rolling Valley, and then got off @ fieldmaster and old keene mill, and walked up fieldamaster, turned left onto sydensticker, turned right onto spur, and then took a right onto rockefeller, left onto red horse tavern, and back onto rockefeller. then i got to huntsman, and i turned onto huntsman and kept walking for what seemed like eternity. then this guy stopped me and asked for directions to get to applecross. i gave him directions, and kept walking. i passed snyder's house, and the porchlight was still on from the night before... i really wanted to egg the house, but had no eggs. :' ( anyways, got to johnny's house, and johnny was still sleeping, but tucker let me in anyway. johnny woke up, looked at me and told me it was too early. i laughed and said i was sorry, but i had to leave the house before anyone woke up. he told me that i could chill for a bit. he scanned my pix then he went upstairs to take a shower. tucker and i chatted a bit, and he showed me the pix he took on his field trip to the national gallery. johnny left to go to giant to get muchies, and when he came back, we left to go to dave's. and we walked and walked and walked... and finally, we got to dave's house. yay! and we met up with sara, lucas, and bj. we smoked up, and played mortal kombat, and started watching superfly. this one chick in the movie had a total bubblebutt, and when i first saw it, it didn't look too bad, but then i saw the entire thing, and it was just yucky. around 5, we left dave's and headed over for sara's. but then we decided to go down the creek instead. bj went all nature freaky, and then he wanted to swing around this tree and went through all this work to make the other half of the tree bend so he wouldn't hit it. it was pretty funny. and i kept singing and laughing and saying random shit. it was just too funny. then we went to sara's, and hung out there, ate dinner and went to mo's to feed the cats. that was a long walk, but it was fun. bj fed the cats, and sara called her dad and drove us all home. and here i am. i'm extremely exhausted right now. bah... it's kool
24 avril 2000 *i don't mind you coming here and wasting all my time... you're just what i needed*
aimee came home on friday! alec was suposed to come home, but the plane got fucked up, and he didn't show... alec's got the worst luck, lol. everytime he's going to come and visit, something gets fucked up, and he's a no-show... pooh. i was looking forward to being harassed by someone i hadn't been harassed by in a long long time. so friday, aimee came over, and i know we did something, but i can't quite remember right now. hm... oh yeah!!!!! we went to go see the easter play @ church, and that was very very kool. aimee's mum and dad wanted to go out for ice cream, and aimee wanted me to spend the night, but aimee's mum said no to that, and i had to get home soon. so we didn't get ice cream. saturday, i called her all day, but the answering machine was turned off or something, and i couldn't leave a message. i thought we were going to the mall and hang out all day, like she said we sould, but she didn't remember saying that. anyways, she met her birth mum (Dawn) and her stepsister (Terry) and they hung out all day. then Aimee calls at around 6 pm, saying i had 5 min to get ready to leave and to bring a bag with my easter clothes, pillow, toothbrush, etc. and all 3 wisked me off to the starbucks. they chatted, i felt strange. Aimee was happy, and i was sleepy and spaced out a bit. i got 2 applications from starbucks and from chicken out, and it was kool. aimee and i stayed up, and i fell asleep around 2:30 am, watching south park, and aimee fell asleep around 3 am while talking on the phone with her boyfriend, steve. we woke up around 8 sunday morning, got all dressed up, and stuff. aimee wanted to put makeup on me, and i really didn't want her to. she did my hair, but i messed it up cause i didn't like it. so i wore it how i usually wore it. we got to church, and zack looked at me, then looked away. BAH! okay, so what if i'm doomed to lust madly after freshman boys?!?!?! or underclassmen boys?!?!?! i didn't even know they were underclassmen until i got to know them... pooh. i give up. anyways, we chilled with Earl (Aimee's dad's friend) and we all left for Aimee's grandmum's house. there, we ate, hunted for easter eggs, ran through other peep's flower gardens and picked them, and Rance, Aimee's cousin, had some weed but left it in the car. i met steve, aimee's boyfriend. i don't think he's cute at all; whatever floats Aimee's boat... so we all left around 8 pm, and i got home around 9:40 pm. Bill gave me a ride home, and Bill's no longer on my shit list.
27 avril 2000
*this is a story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world... but i absolutely love her when she smiles*
Aimee called yesterday :-). she was sorry she couldn't call me from her grandpa's house and she lost the other # to call me at. damn, i really wanted to hang out with her before she left again. i had to go cause keith was coming to pick me up for church, and i told her that i'd call her today, but i forgot, and now it's about 10 pm, and it's too late to call her cause she's already gone to bed.
:-( hm... what else? saturday, going shopping for a prom dress. tyson's or pentagon city, maybe? prolly going to end up @ springfield mall, like always. nina's tired of that mall. nina goes there way too much. got an e-mail today from brian... brian is happy (for once, and he's got a new girl.) nina is very happy that brian's very happy. nina's happy that maybe brian will be happy and won't bitch anymore and leave things that happened 15-16 yrs ago die down and rest. meanwhile, glamkatie hasn't shown up for skool, and nina's a little sad about that. and yesterday... yesterday was a happy happy joy day in the afternoon and at night, but when i was in skool, it sucked ass. i want all the boys in my 7th period english class to die. especially that bleach blond dumb jock guy who's ignorant and extremely immature...i could've kicked his ass even though he outweighs me about 50-60 lbs. they raise my blood pressure, and i've never seen 17-18 yrs olds peeps acting so badly... they give us teens a bad name. anyways, about that dumb jock cocksucker, he shouldn't fuck with people on 300 mg of lithium to make them happy everyday. anyways, back to nina being happy yesterday afternoon. Nassar called around 3:15, picked me up and i left me house. :-) went back to his house, he showed me the evil teletubbies, and the *nsync killing game. he said that he takes back everything he said about not having sex with peeps, and then we went back upstairs and i laughed because everything just seemed so funny and ridiculous... he looks like that guy from the bloodhound gang. the frontman. if you've seen "the bad touch video", they're dressed in monkey suits, right? the guy singing looks like Nassar. i felt really bad cause while we were fucking, that what i thought about. the fact that everytime i see Nassar, i'm going to see a guy in a monkey suit... anways, he decides we should get out of the house, and so we went to the little park on guinea road, and he started talking about being fucked over, and being depressed, etc. he told me that i'm a good person, and he hugged me. i told him he was a good person too, but he says that he knows that but doesn't quite believe it. he talked about jessica and how she's pregnant now and all this stuff. i felt kinda bad. but then he told me that he feels that he can talk to talk to me about anything and everything because he trusts me. and he can't do that with other people. he's the poster child for confusion, and i'm the poster child of everything dysfunctional. it works out fine. :-) and then we talked about bridgette and mike, and mike and margie, and brandon and margie. and then his past relationships with the other chicks in the past year. i told him what i thought from my point of view, and it made a lot of sense. he's still in love with jessica and hasn't really let her go, and on a conscious level, he wants his relationships to work out, but on a subconscious level, he wants to destroy it because he still wants jessica. and that's what i've known for a long time now. and he's at where i was two months ago. and and i understood, and i could relate to him. and then we talked about the hfstival, and matt. i told Nassar that i called matt to hang out about a month ago, and he didn't remember who i was. he said, "nina? rob's friend?" Nassar was surprised that matt said that. i want to bitch slap matt, because first of all, i don't talk to rob. he calls me and begs to come over when he's fucked up, and i always tell him to go away. Nassar said he was prolly fucked up on something, as usual. he started about the things that had happened and about us and how it was supposed to be a strictly friends with benefits thing, but it grew into something more. i didn't know that it had grown. i didn't even know that it had changed at all. and he was telling me that i'm one of the very few people he can talk to and not feel judged. i was flattered, but a bit unnerved. i decided to chase some ducks and be all silly like. he took me home, and everything was fine. i talked to daph and she says that maybe he's finally coming around. maybe that's good. nina's happy.
29 avril 2000 *from the rooftops shout it out, baby, i'm ready to go!*
yesterday, went out to dinner with my parents, ate a lot of sushi (yay!!!! nina's been craving sushi!), and went to the mall and met up with Pierce, Keith, and Dan, @ 9:20. i was mad cause they were suposed to meet me in front of sam goody's @ 9 pm, but they went to my house to pick up the liquor i was holding for them, thinking it was going to be in the mailbox. my mummy thought i was "doing sutff"with Pierce to get my prom dress. what the fuck? i'd never stoop that low! stoopit 'rents think that all my guyfriends are my "boyfriends" and i'm fucking them all. the last time i did shit like that was in 10th grade! and the only person i've slept with in the past 10 months is nassar, and that one time with bill a month ago doesn't count! but then again, my mum's a crazee lady, and Pierce is like a dear, generous older brother. *shudder* ewww... anyways, today, woke up @ 5 am, thinking i had to go to skool, and then i remembered, "oh yeah, it's saturday." and attempted to go back to sleep. kept waking up every hour, and around 8 am, got up, brushed my teeth and got dressed. got online, checked the message board, felt sorry for beej and mo cause everyone jumped in when they broke up. mo broke up with beej cause she couldn't and didn't know how to take beej being all mushy. maybe mo needs to grow up a bit, and then if all is well, maybe mo will come back. meanwhile, beej is upset and i sympathize. but mo's a freshman, and beej's a junior. age gap, and gap in maturity level... but then again, it's beej... but then again, beej can be mature when it comes to certain things. *confused again* 14 more days until i go see NIN! yay! and then june 17 is THE CURE! anyways, today was kool. Pierce and Dan picked me up around 10 am, brought along this really adorable little boy named Joe that was @ their house for the wedding. Pierce wanted to stop by @ the catholic church and hit on the girls @ the car wash; i talked him out of it. we picked up Keith, kept getting tickled the whole way there while i'm kicking and screaming, drove to Tyson's Corner, went to Bloomies', Nordstrom's, Hechts, JC Penny's, Lord and Taylor, Jessica McClintock, and a bunch of other stores and i got picky, and Keith wanted to kill me. while in Nordstrom's, went to the junior's section and put a furry leaopard-print cowboy hat on Joe's head and a pair of kickass sunglasses on his face. Keith started laughing and wanted to find him a floorlength fur caot to match. gave up after Nordstrom's, and we kept going back and forth to kid's foot locker (joe) and chesapeake knife and tool (the rest of them, excluding me). Joe kept wandering off, so i had to hold his hand. Dan, Keith, and Pierce tried to pick up chicks using Joe cause Joe's a really cute little boy. and Keith and i checked out girls passing by. and we walked by the Speedo store a couple of times cause there was this cute live mannequin model wearing a skimpy one-piece that Keith wanted to hit on. and we passed by Victoria's Secret cause there was a really really hot guy that worked there. about 6", dark spiky black hair, glasses, about 22(?), really flirty, and he was wearing a suit. i wanted to get his #, but i chickened out. Keith was surprised. "Nina, shy? ohmigod! the impossible has happened!" i had to explain. "keith, i'm shy around people i don't know when i'm by myself, and i've only started talking to duart whom i've had a crush on ever since i went back to mt. vernon in november. and even now, i run away!" Keith laughed. Pierce gasped, Dan looked amused, and Joe thought that this was hilarous. i smacked Keith. Pierce wanted to know how he could get smacked across the face by a girl for something horrendous cause he's always wanted that to happen. i said, "go out with a chick, start going out with her best friend 2 days later and fuck her. then screw around with 4 other chicks, and have them all over you 24/7. leave evidence of their existence." he told me that he has trouble getting a girl, let alone 4. i told him that it was never going to happen then. went to chesapeake knife and tool (again) and that's when we figured out that we're going to the same wedding, and that their aunt was marrying Hemi's dad. Keith says, "this just seems like a bad movie where you figure out everything before the movie ends." Joe ran away again to look at rolex's in the window of Bailey Banks and Biddle, so when Keith found Joe, he bribed him and told him that we'd buy him a watch. we drove off to Springfield Mall, bought a blue taffeta dress, bought Joe a little watch, dropped off Keith, sped towards the house. i called mum and dad and told them what i figured out and said i'd meet them at the church. they said okay. pierce's mummy and her friends asked if i was korean, and if i speaked korean, etc. they thought i was a half-white/korean girl. and i spoke to them in korean and etc., and they told me never to forget how to speak korean. i went into the kitchen to get a soda, and i overheard them all saying, "that girl's so cute, and she speaks korean very well. she's so nice." score 1 with the 'rents! then we went to go pick up the food @ han ah reum, but the lady we were following ditched us, and i had to give Pierce directions how to get there, and then when we went to go pick up the food, i didn't know how to speak korean well enough to explain to the lady that we don't know who ordered it, etc. and then the lady who ditched us found us, and sorted everything out. then i had to give Pierce directions to the church. went to the boring wedding which was all in korean (i had to tell Pierce and Dan when they praying, singing, etc. cause they didn't understand what was going on), ate food, went to the playground. Pierce and Dan pushed the tire swing i was on. tire swings make me giggly. they spun me around really fast and the faster the spun me around, the more giggly i got. their cousins thought that was both really strange and funny at the same time. i kept shreiking and giggling. and i got a huge headache when i got off. bah... Pierce, Dan and I were going to go take Joe out driving, but my dad said that i had to come straight home. :'( i wanted to take Joe home and trade my two sisters in for him-- he was the koolest little kid! he's more fun to play with than some of my friends, and you can even go to the playground with him and be all silly-like. he even had some teenage chicks hitting on him today, *lol*. general observation: little boys are more fun than teenage girls-- and they're nicer. anyways, we've all decided from now on, we're coming to Tyson's Corner to go girl watching cause all the cute ones come here and not to Springfield. *yawn* i'm going to sleep. night night.
30 avril 2000 *i'm a little pea, i love the sky and the trees*
(noon, church sanctuary during service/sermon. DAN, PIERCE, and NINA are passing notes. KEITH is reading everything that is being passed around. SARAH and ESTHER (PIERCE and DAN's cousins are drawing one each other and giggling. the people siting in the pews surrounding there are looking annoyed. this is what was written.)
Pierce: WHAT?
Dan: Sarah is smoking way too much heroin.
Pierce: I didn't know you COULD smoke heroin.
Dan: You're not supposed to.
Pierce: What happened to Susie?
(DAN writes PENIS on NINA's hand, and NINA frantically rubs it off)
Nina: Who's Susie?
Keith: Her mom's right there and i don't want to die.
Pierce: She's in the big house in the boonnes, right?
Keith: Yes, the one with the angry parents.
Pierce: Not the headlights house
Nina: Do you think your dad would mind if i tagged along? (Nina really doesn't want to to to the Korean church right after this is over.)
Pierce: Sorry. He said "No company."
Nina: :-( Nina sad. more Korean stuff and more church...
Pierce: Wanna join the pen15 club?
Nina: Pen15??? ?????? *confused* what's that?
(PIERCE writes PENIS on NINA's hand)
Nina: DAMMIT!!!! NOT AGAIN!!!!! PIERCE IS A BIG MEANIEHEAD!
Pierce: am not, you poopoo head.
Nina: *gasp* MORON!
Pierce: Nitwit!
(DAN whispers to NINA, "write dickforehead!")
Nina: Dickforehead!
Pierce: I'm rubber, and you're glue. Whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!
Nina: :-P
(PIERCE draws a stick figure with a butt for a head)
Pierce: Nina is a butthead
(NINA pouts and draws a stick figure with a block of stink cheese for its head, complete with stink lines.)
Nina: Pierce is a stinky cheese man!
Pierce: I'm not talking to you no more!
Nina: NO! :'-( Nina likes to insult people. It's fun... Nina's sorry
Pierce: No you're not. But, I'll accept it anyway.
Nina: Fine... Pierce is still a stinky cheese man
Pierce: And Nina is still a butthead-- a BIG butthead
Keith: Y'all are acting like a bunch of 7 yr olds!
Nina: Hey, at least I have a bubble butthead!
Pierce: Bubblehead! Bubblehead!
(NINA draws a stick figure with a bubble for its head.)
Nina: Yep, that's me!
Pierce: Full of air and nothing else...
Nina: Best way to go... don't need to tihnk about anything! (NINA draws the stinky cheese man and a big brown beaver.) The big brown beaver ate the stinky cheese man! HAHAHAHA!
Pierce: Ewwwww!!!! Poopoohead!
Nina: Ah, tales from the punchbowl!
Pierce: Too many porn stories. BAD IMAGES! BAD!
Nina: :-P Ha ha! Porn is funny. It's always the same thing: "Ooh, baby! Stick it here! Yes! Yes!" "Mmmm, you get tighter everyday!" Cybersex is even funnier-- "How big are your tits?" "36B." "Oooh, baby, tell me if your nipples are big as saucers too... I'm sucking your hard nipples now!" It's so stupid, it's funny! HAHAHA!
Pierce: The movies, yeah. I always read stories off the internet.
(sermon ends, church gets out, all exit.)