*i've had enough of you, enough to last a lifetime through*
daph and lindsey got into a car accident; a drunk driver hit them. they're okay, but they're a bit shaken from what i hear. buggah... i don't know what's going on, and i do care, but i don't. daph's one of my best friends but ever since emerson and her started going out and after they broke up, she pays close to no attention to me. sometimes we make plans to hang out, and then she goes off with lindsey and ashley. and daph and lindsey hate ashley. they just let her tag along to be nice. so i'm a little angry. and i just love how she invites everyone to her little party and forgets about me, and then realizes when she's giving out invites in front of me that she's forgotten me. am i really that transparent? i know that i've withdrawn a lot from my friends, and i've gottten really quiet. i don't talk too much about general things because everyone already knows what's going on.
8 mai 2000 *in my dreams i'm dying all the time*
sat, i was supposed to go out with keith, dan and wilbur, but i didn't. they came to my house, and i was washing dishes, and i didn't hear them. my dad answered the door and saw a bunch of guys asking for me, and i asked if i could step outside for a while. my dad was kool was that. i told keith that i'd be done with the dishes in about 10 minutes, and then we could all leave. keith said that was kool. i shut the door, went back inside. my dad kept looking out the window, and he asked me if they were still there. i said, "yeah, and i'm leaving in 5 minutes." and he got pissed and yelled at me, and i yelled back. then he ran out and bitched them out and made them go away. i got really upset, and i started screaming at my dad. he yelled at me and told me that if i did everything i was supposed to and got good grades, he's let me go out more. i screamed that that was total bullshit. i ran out and sat on the front porch and started crying. i was already in a bad mood because my teeth hurt from getting new wires put in for amy braces earlier that day, and my mum was being denser than usual so i had lost my patience with her more than 4 times that day. that was the last straw. i called nassar at work, and asked what he was doing after work. he asked what was wrong and i just blurted everything out, and he told me to chill out and he's come and get me in an hour and a half. i needed to get out. so while my dad was dropping fat ass (my sister, sara) off @ her bratty friend's house, i saw the opportunity to leave. it was 10:30 pm. i called nassar and told him to meet me up at irving middle skool, and he came and picked me up. on the way to his house, he told me that he's probably going to move in with this girl from work and live there for a couple of months because she needs a roommate, and i told him that was kool. and he talked a little about liking her and deciding that if he were to move in with her then it would just be best not to have a relationship with her. went back to his house, went to his room. talked about stuff. he grabbed me and pulled me over and he kissed me. yay... and we messed around, again. afterwards, he smoked 4 cigarettes. and he brought the subject of us up again. and brought up how he felt bad everytime we did stuff, and how i feel more for him than he does me, and how he cares a lot about me but not exactly in the way i'd like him to. and how he doesn't really feel during sex anymore, and how sometimes he just wants to stop having sex altogether. and how we don't spend enough time talking and hanging out instead of getting naked. and i told him how i don't feel, because if i don't feel, then i won't get attached too much, and if i just think of boys as things you use up and throw away, they start to mean nothing. and that even though he might mean something to me, i don't get hurt too much anymore. nothing or no one can really hurt me more than brian did. and i said that. it's funny, he said something along the same lines that implied that he was talking about jessica. anyways, 12:20 am came, and he had to get me home since he had to wake up at 7 am. he took me home, and at the stoplight at the cnr of greeley and old keene mill, we both remembered that my glasses were on his nightstand. i told him that he could come by tomorrow and drop them off. i snuck back into the house. no one noticed i was gone. i could've just spent the night and gone to church @ 7 am. it's funny how nobody at my house notices when i'm missing anymore. nassar's also gotten cuddly. this is something new, because he wasn't cuddly before and in the past 2-3 months, he's all the sudden gotten cuddly. and he's been kissing me bye whenever i go. something else that he didn't do before until about march. a pleasant surprise... i don't know how to take it. and the fact that he might move in with this chick bothers me, but what can i say? he's not mine. i'm not his. and what i had been wishing for hasn't happened in the past 10-11 months, so i might as well be happy with things as they are. nothing is going to change, as far as i know. eventually, he always comes back... and later this year, i'll be 18, he'll be 20, and finally it'll be perfectly legal. that's just how i see it. can't get my hopes up too high. right now, i'm talking to my aohell peep, a guy named chris who's 19, lives in CA, and he's really cute. and his ex is a bitch... hehehehe... anyways, g2g.
10 mai 2000 *you mix it all together in your dreams*
eating my salad, applesauce, pears, and yogurt... that's what i've been eating the past 2 weeks, along with a lot of mickey d's chicken sandwiches. i dunno what else i want to eat. i know... i want a bicuit from popeyes! and some sushi would be nice. and the past 3 wks, i've been extremely moody. i don't know why i've been so moody. one minute i'm happy as can be, the next, i'm sulking, then i start screaming at everyone and throwing things if i get angry enough, then i'll get hyper and be silly, and then i'm numb. and everything makes me cry now. i was watching rudy in my english class, and i kept crying. it's a happy movie, and it's about this guy who wants to go to notre dame and play football, and he does. and it's so fucking happy, and i kept crying. and i'll be reading a story, and i'll cry for no reason. and i keep having dreams about those muchkins chasing after me and eating me again. like in that one tom petty video where alice from alice in wonderland turns into a cake and gets eaten. and sometimes i'll be running from the muchkins, and nassar is dressed like that prince from labyrinth, and he tries to get the muchkins to follow him and leave me alone, but they eat me anyways. sometimes, nassar's in a monkey suit. and the past few nights, brian's joined them too. (he's dressed up in a cowboy outfit, and he's got one of those toy horses-- the ones that are just sticks with horse's heads one them.) they all circle around me, and start dancing and chanting, "nina, come join us. JOIN US!!!" and i refuse, and i try to run, but i suddenly turn into a cake. nassar tries to stop the muchkins from eating me, and brian just laughs and runs around trying to get the munchkins to eat me. and i don't know what to do cause i'm all laid out on a table, and i can't run away. in the end, they eat me. sometimes, i wake up screaming. things are not well. agh... things right now are turning to shit. on the bright side, 2 more days until nin. :-) even though i'm going with kristopher. kristopher actually has a purpose now! from now on, he'll be my whipping boy. to the best of my knowledge, it's the only thing he's good for. and his girlfriend's a skanky ho... she's a lot of fun to make fun of. damn poseurs... hehehehe
11 mai 2000 *she's a sad tomato*
i just found out today that i might not graduate from west springfield. and everyone else in the office has known this for two weeks now. things were going to great today until that happened. and someone pulled the fire alarm. daph's on an ungodly amount of codeine, but it's going straight to her head and not killing the pain. she's still 'pressed over her emmy... damn emerson... sometimes, i wish she had never gone out with him. he's ignoring her, and she's been ignoring him. but when she ignores him, he gets angry. so when she pays attention to him, emerson ignores her. i know how to measure to mat a piece of artwork, but i can't seem to get the beveled edge on the right side. not good. i have to have everything done by tomorrow. i have to have four pieces of artwork matted and ready to send tommorrow in fourth. i have to pick up slides today before 8 pm @ motophoto and have everything measured and labeled. stupid AP Studio Art exam... review your portfolio... i'm finding that i have close to nothing in it. nothing that wouls be considered "quality" work... anothr thing that's making me pissed is the fact that my parents are "secretly" plotting to send me off to korea for the summer. over my dead body! i coudn't survive a day there. i know enough korean to get by just barely, but not enough to hold a conversation with another person for too long. i speak kringlish, dammit. not straight korean... korean and english mixed together. like french and english mixed together ish franglais... yesh, i speak franglais too. and yesterday, i was trying to call my dad's cellphone to tell him to drop off my slide film at motophoto, and i accidently called nassar's house... didn't mean to. 922-4944 or 928-4658... couldn't remember worth beans... both start out with 9's and have 4's in it... got a bit confused. eh, oh well. anyways, g2g. nin tomorrow!!!! :-)
12/13 mai 2000 *the sweet smell of sunshine i remember sometimes*
took my ap studio art general portdolio exam today. took a while, but things went well. josh picked kristopher, neal, and me up and we headed back to his house. watched a porn, and this german lady was sticking cucumbers and bananas up her cunt, and going, "yah, oooooh, yah!!!" and the guy was still fully clothed. it was hilarious! i couldn't stop laughing... if i had to watch porn, i'd watch german porn. that's some funny shit! it's better than anything i've seen in my entire life! and all the guys in the room (josh, neal, kristopher, and josh's older bro) said, "only you would be twisted enough to think that." i argued with my mother over the telephone, but she was too dense to understand what i was trying to try even though i had said it 5 times each in both english and korean. i got sick of yelling at her over the phone, and i didn't really hang up on her. she attempted to hang up on me... left josh's house around 5, dropped things off at home. got dinner at starbucks. on the way to columbia, md, stopped by burger king and took what must've been the world's longest piss. got to merriweather post pavillion around 7:30. lost everyone else and waited and waited. opening band: a perfect circle. frontman of tool is in the band. needs work. lighting badly done. manyard's pants... what's up with that? nin came on, opened with terrible lie, then went onto sin, a bunch of other songs i can't remember now (wish, gave up, la mer, closer, head like a hole, etc.) they didn't play we're in this together and into the void, thank god, cause frankly, i'm sick of those songs. there was so much energy on the show, and they have a fucking kickass light show. trent would take one or two gulps of his water and throw the rest into the crowd. they were all covered in cornstarch. once again, i was with a bunch of guys. i screamed all the words to all the songs. for the most part, i have lost my voice. i sound like a muppet character on crack and helium (or so kristopher says.) i know i sound completely stupid. they came back on for an encore performance and played starfuckers, two other songs, and ended with hurt. it was so fucking great! i bummed $43 off of josh and kristopher, respecively. i'm good at getting large amounts of cash from guys for nothing in return. :-) sunday, i'm getting $60 from omar because i payed for his ticket for the cure and gas money one afternoon. asked tom to prom. next, beg nassar... speaking of which, i say a guy with blue hair that sorta looked like him from the angle i was seeing him and dressed like him; he was with a chick. i passed by him and got a closer look; it wasn't him. kinda like he knows how i smell, and if he smells perfume that smells really close to what i wear, he starts following it around looking for me-- and then he thinks, "you're not nina, go away." he's told me this a lot of times... oh, and everyone and their girlfriend/boyfriend was there and the level of PDA was just disgusting. it made me sad and angry. and suddenly, i have become a relationship counselor. chris has been asking how to deal with an extremely bitchy ex and how he can get with this really cute chick from work. brian-- well, he's been fun analyzing. daph's talking to me about emerson; steve's asking for some help with his really really bitchy and short-tempered on again off again girl that won't leave him alone. and that's it. i have no real relationship problems, other than how i really feel about nassar (i don't love him; i like him a bit more than a friend; and i have no problem with the way things are, but he has thinks that we should spend more time talking and hanging out.) may 26, it'll be a year that i've been single. i've learned that other people can't make you happy. in order to be happy, you have to be happy with yourself. you also can't love anyone unless you love yourself. you can't pick who you fall in love with. there are other things that i could write, but i'm not goig to. some things people have to figure out for themselves. you can't tell them. anyways, i'm waiting for brian to get online to talk about the webpage. it's 2:50 am....
14 mai 2000 *never was a cornflake girl*
saturday, left house at 2 pm. keith and graham came, and i just woke up. i was in a long t-shirt and nothing else when i answered the door. i screamed. they stayed in the living room. i got dressed, brushed teeth. left for dan and pierce's house. took a nap cause i was tired. peirce wrote down, "may 13, 2000 (time): first time i get a girl to willingly lay down on my bed" woke up around four, and kathryn was there. ugh. not too fond of kathryn. graham left, i called home, got bitched at and told to come home right then. it was about 6pm. i ignore raving lunatic father on phone. all four of us head to the mall to pick up some stuff, went to nassar's, said hello. became pierce's date for the evening. ran into tom, whom i'm taking to prom again this year. went and saw gladitor. on the way to keith's house, talked about oral sex. i said a lot of things on that topic, and then i told them that nassar doesn't taste like salt unlike the rest of the guys i've gone down on. he tastes like celery and sugar water. pierce, keith, and dan wondered how it got like that and wanted to kick his ass. pierce had propostion: nina give pierce lessons on oral sex? nina refuses. nina says get her high and drunk enough and blindfolded, she'll then consider. got home at roughly 2 am. woke up at 9:00 am, thinking it was 8:30. i run a bath, and peirce some to the door. i answer the door in a towel, shriek, and say to come back in ten minutes. i get dressed, and i go to church. pierce waves to everyone on the way to church and screams happy mother's day to everyone he sees. leave after sunday skool, went and saw keeping the faith. got home around 3:30. wasn't mother's day at my house. got bitched at for being out all fri, sat night, and most of sun. nina doesn't like her family. was on the verge of tears all day today, like i have been the past 2-3 wks. another strange dream-- fat men trying on my brassieres... nina sorta misses nassar. nina's sorting out everything. nina's even more confused; nina couldn't handle a relationship right now. nina would push him away and make him go away, although nina doesn't know why. nina's still recovering. keith says that you could just tell that nassar really likes nina by the way he looks at her, and nina doesn't seem to notice or care. and keith says that him saying that he doesn't like me the way i want him to is complete bullshit, but now nina doesn't know how she likes nassar. nina's incapable of having a stable relationship; nina's better at giving other people advice on having a stable relationship and keeping it stable. nina's the type of girl that only makes a best grrl friend for a guy. nina accepts this, and anything more would make nina nervous. and meg and luke and everyone else is fighting. meg is still mad about luke choosing sara over her. and meg bitches about her boyfriend. so melodramatic and not funny. nina loves meg. nina loves luke. nina doesn't like it when her friends fight. nina is sad, sad, sad.
16 mai 2000 *so what's the use of falling in love?*
it's come to my attention that pierce likes me. it dawned on me late last night, and i called keith, and keith was like, "where the hell have you been? it's quite amusing, actually. you going after dan, his little brother, and he's chasing after you. it's blatantly obvious he's chasing after you. and you don't notice. it's like a movie." and now i'm really really confused... and now i know why keith kept asking me how i felt about pierce. damn, i used to know, but i don't now. and i've been thinking about this all day, analyzing how i could've missed that for the past 2 months. i suppose i could date him for a while. but do i really want to do that? he's really kool to hang out with and stuff, and he's okay to talk to... BUGGAH!!!!!! okay, now i know some of the reprecussions of being the only girl hanging out with a bunch of guys, other than being gawked at and molested constantly, which i really doesn't mind unless i'm in a bad mood. nina doesn't want a relationship; nina doesn't want to get involved. nina likes being miserable and single. nina also likes to flirt, but the moment they get threateningly close, nina makes them go away. nina doesn't know what to do with them. they're just fun to mess around with. today, i slept through 5th, 7th, and some of 2nd. i want out of skool. there's like 20-something days left. and hayfield's prom's on fri, and i need to get my eyebrows waxed, but my parents don't think it's necessary. they don't think it's necessary for me to get a purse, or a makeover, or shoes. my parents are fucking stoopit. they don't realize that i need to look damn good, and this is one of the very few times i'm going all out and dressing up for anything, and doing everything that i hate doing because it needs to be done.
18 mai 2000 *did i tell you you're wonderful?*
buggah... nina does like pierce more than a friend... and nina's even more confused than she was before. i wanna laugh, i wanna cry, i wanna scream... and he's such a sweetie... exasperated at this point. i don't know what i want, or what to do with the way things are going. this could be the best thing that ever happened to me, and i don't know if i want to give in. and the past week, i've done a lot of soul searching, agreeing, then disagreeing with myself. keith told me that he'd ask me out in heartbeat if he knew how i felt about him. i used to know, but now i don't. pierce was talking to keith, and he said that if he were to ever date me and by some stroke of luck sleeping with me, he'd end up getting so emotionally attached to me, and eventually killing off my guy friends. sweet, but not really. that would be the end to almost all of my friendships. and i don't know what to think anymore. i like being miserable, bitter and single. i've grown accustomed to it, and any change to my little world would wreak havoc on me. i like being single and not having to answer to anyone where i've been, doing whatever i please. i don't need anyone. even if i started to date him, it would be a disaster. i'd be a total bitch and push him away. i wouldn't be able to stand him being so nice to me. i can barely tolerate it right now. after me, i would have destroyed his faith in grrls. keith keeps pointing out that he's got a lot of money... i don't care about the money. i get antsy when people spend more than $40 on me. money isn't important. come to think of it, a lot of things aren't important; if you are loved very much, that is all that should matter. i will continue to ponder...
23 mai 2000 *and i'll do anything you ever dreamed to be complete*
what a weekend it has been! went to hayfield's prom with keith, at the mclean hilton. went to dinner at romeo and juliet, and i hadn't eaten anything all day because it was making me throw up. but dinnertime came around, i was hungry, and i got fed. tortellini with artichokes... mmm... anything with artichokes... mmmmm... and i had half a lobster. anyways, i danced the night away, and i ran into gus. i didn't notice him, and he waved hello and grinned. extremely awkward moment... i was gus's first, and a one night stand. we didn't talk to each other until the next summer, at chrissy-poo's house... that was even more awkward... i just waved back, and prayed that i wouldn't see him again. i was pissed that they didn't play my song, even though i asked the dj three times... eh, oh well. we went to silver diner afterwards, and i was still hungry, so i got an omlette/skillet thingy with chicken. got home @ 3am, sat, woke up @ 12pm. cleaned house, slept some more. keith came over to pick me up and whisk me off to dan and pierce's, and i just walked out of my house. it was about 9:30 pm, and my dad kirked out and screamed, "i call police! i call police!" i got pissed and started screaming back. he dragged me out of the car and dragged me back into the house. more screaming ensued, and i locked myself up in my room, and pouted. sunday, after church, keith and i went to dan and pierce's. pierce was at work. graham came over, and katelyn showed up later. dan and i were fighting over a broomstick, while making dirty jokes about the broomsticks. once again, keith declared me a goddess. went to steffi's, tried to corrupt katelyn. didn't work... picked greg up, went back to dan's. 30 min later, pierce came home. i made a move on pierce; it was one of those now or never kinda things... i took matters into my own hands. i also made the first 4 moves. no more moves on pierce for now. :-) he drove me home, and i kissed him goodnight. he was a tad bit disapointed that i had to go. and his mummy grinned at me before i left the house, and that look was scary. it was that look that said, "oooh! nice korean girl for pierce! FINALLY, GRANDCHILDREN! YAY!" she wants 12 grandchildren each... um... yeah. but i've been floating around, being insanely giddy and more airheaded than i usually am. hehehe
25 mai 2000 *sunshine*
pierce called today. :-) he woke me up twice... i didn't mind too much. he's so sweet. can't help sleeping my afternoon away. i stayed up till god knows when baking cookies for my sister, hannah banana (aka: skinny bitch). and banana won't be home until sunday. been thinking about pierce all day. hehehehe... and i'm been acting terribly silly. i don't know where my head went, i really don't. he's so cute and soft... crikey, i've never been this mushy over a guy... he thinks that there's something terribly wrong with me because i think he's cute; he thinks i'm downright delusional. i'm not... i'm just really infatuated. i've been gushing about pierce all day to daph and lindsey, and to anyone else who'll listen. and i'm insanely attracted to him for some odd reason i haven't quite figured out yet. his dad did ask some questions about me; just as long as the like me, i'm fine. and as long as he never meets my parents, that's even better. my parents are insane, in a very very bad way... i just want to kiss him and hug him and love him. and he's all MINE; don't have to worry about anyone trying to take him from me. and even if they tried, i got my crew, and i can kickass when i get pissed off enough. banana's also going out with a guy named pierce. liz is sick of hearing about the two pierces. anyways, last night, keith and i spent most of our time looking for dan, but he wasn't there. so we called him at his house, and he said that he couldn't come, and keith told dan that when pierce gets home, he has to come to church and bring dan with him. keith also said, "tell pierce that nina will give him sweet loving if he comes to church and brings you." pierce showed up anyway, not knowing we had said that. he hadn't brought dan either, but still. pierce and i sat out on the picnic table, and it started to pour. we got soaked. he kissed me. *giggle* and then we looked for keith, and spent a lot of time on the elevator. ;-) keith was extremely disgusted; keith also said i was his present to pierce. since when am i an object? grrrr... anyways, back to last night, keith and pierce actually walked through the drive through just to see if they could get food in the drive-through without being in a car. and they actually got food. tres bizarre, n'est pas? je pense mon petit ami est un fou. mais, j'adore mon petit ami; il est tres beau, et il a mon coeur. and we kissed for the for the majority of the hour that we spent together. anyways, today, my boobs were really sensitive, and it was really annoying. josh wasn't at skool today, and kristopher's prolly at home, smashed. neal kept hitting on me, and i laughed. duart looked really sad; lindsey pointed it out. i felt kinda bad about that, but oh well. nasssar is mostly forgotten; it was fun, but i got bored and didn't feel like sleeping with anyone anymore. he doesn't know a thing yet. been trying to reach him, but once again, i've lost his cellphone #, and i'm just going to wait until he calls to break any news.
31 may 2000 *another dumb blonde*
friday, for the most part, was a good day. lunch was interesting, as usual, with josh molesting himself and trying to molest kristopher, as usual, and josh chewing up everything and then spitting it on the floor. i was happy and slightly disgusted with josh because of the mess he was making. daph, lindsey, and fred got caught smoking, and lindsey handed me her purse and asked me to hold it for her cause it had her cigarettes in it. then it was time to go to my horrid 7th period english class. i was walking to class, minding my own business and being bouncing off the wall happy, and who should i see but NOEL. noel started screaming in my ear, and i snapped. i started punching him and hitting him with lindsey's purse and chasing him down the hallway. i screamed, "don't fuck with me, noel!" but he kept screaming in my ear. when we got to class, he pushed me down, and i fell over a chair, and i screamed at him. my teacher called security, he got hauled off, i sat on the floor crying. karen tried to coax me to get up off the floor and go down to the subskool office, but i wouldn't get up. i just wanted to sit there and cry. eventually, she got me up and took me to the office. noel got written up, and i got nothing. i just sat in the office and cried the entire period. anyways, skool ended @ 2:05, and when i got home, i took a shower and waited for my mummy to come home so i could go to the sleepover. sleepover was a lot of fun, but i was sleepy cause i had been up since 4:30 am and i didn't sleep too well. called pierce, but he was out. i needed to give them the address and phone number to where i was at, so he could pick me up the next morning. i fell asleep during much ado about nothing, and while they were playing outburst. at the end of the movie, i woke up and couldn't go back to sleep, so i chatted with elise until about 5:30 am. carrie was talking in her sleep, and elise and i heard carrie say some pretty funny stuff... went to sleep around 6, woke up at 10:30. i waited for pierce until about 12, and then i got a ride home with carrie. pierce and keith went to the wrong house because they didn't know that michelle had moved. anyways, pierce showed up at my house around 2:30, when he was supposed to be at his class. we left my house, picked up keith, and dorve around a bit. went to the bagel bakery where pierce works and hung out there for a while. went back to pierce's, pierce got bitched out by his dad. keith and i hid in the car. pierce and dan came out when the bitching was over and done with and we all went down to the basement. pierce now has to ask permission to use the car because he skipped class, and his dad found out. pierce's mum found the little love bit i left on his neck, and she went off asking pierce if i was his friend or his girlffriend, and that she liked his fist girlfriend better, and that he could do better than me. i didn't know she had said that until the next day. saw mission impossible 2, but didn't see too much of it. had to sit next to a bunch of giggly teenybopper girly grrls, which i didn't not appreciate, and i had to beg keith to sit on the oter side of me to keep them entertained and quiet. before the movie started, this blonde chick looked at me and pierce and started laughing and started to talk about us. grrrr... pierce eventually threw popcorn at them, and being the ditzy grrls they were, didn't know which direction it came from and it never hit them. sunday, i was running late, and i missed sunday school. hung out with pierce, dan, and keith. keith drove. stopped by wendy's, got lunch. pierce asked me how my dad would react if he found out i had a fiance. i told him that he'd flip out and try to kill me and then realize, "good riddance!" he laughed. i asked him, "why? were you considering asking?" and he said, "not currently." ended up by the pentagon, got home around 3:30 pm to a very irate father who wanted the lawn mowed. pierce gave me his necklace, and i gave him my class ring. :-) couldn't kiss pierce goodbye, cause my dad was glaring at the window, while standing in the driveway. :-( he told me that i was absolutley beautiful. yesterday, bought 2 pairs of pants & a shirt, mowed the lawn, and went grocery shopping. got lectured by keith, who said that i had to be nice to dan. fine. i'll be nice to him. wanted out of my house, but couldn't leave because i wasn't allowed to. i called pierce, wanting to chat a bit, but he doesn't talk too much... sometimes i wonder why i call him, when it's better to talk to him in person. but then i end up doing most of the talking and i run out of things to say, so i don't say anything. dad came home, i forgot to turn off the oven, got bitched at, and told pierce i had to go. 13 more days until the last day for seniors! i still don't know what skool i'm graduating from... should find out today. anyways, he makes me want to kiss all the babies, hug the puppy dogs, smell the flowers, plant a tree, and smile forever. he makes me want to be a mum... i've gone absolutely mad... i hope i get to see pierce tomorrow. :-) i've decided that i'm not sleeping with him, because if things ever do go awry, he won't go off on all the guys i've messed around with before him and get too attached to me. i also don't feel like having sex with anyone; and i'm tired of casually messing around with other people. it's kind of a bad idea anyway. right now ,i wish he was here so i could snuggle with him. and last night, i was going through pierce withdrawal... i wanted him to be there with me so i could curl up next to him and hug him and go to sleep. star's here at skool today... there was a point in time when she was kool, but now that i see her, she's not too kool anymore, and she was a really big mistake. i shouldn't have messed around with her either... *shudder* she got really needy and clingy, and i really didn't like that she was calling me 5 times a day and trying to see me every waking moment. keeping up appearances... today, she's wearing the weirdest outfit that totally clashes... maybe it would good on someone else. anyways, nothing much is going to happen today, at least i don't think nothing will. bell just rang, i have to go down to the art room for the teacher assistant thingy... byebye.