yesterday, i called pierce when i got home from beach week. he left work and when he knocked on my door, he hid when i answered it. i looked out and turned a little and then i saw him. i opened the door and shrieked. i basically pounced on him and kissed him. he took me back to the bagel bakery where i hung out for a long time. he closed, and he kissed me. one things kinda led to another and we ended up on the floor making out in the back of the bagel bakery. then we went and saw rocky and bullwinkle. after the movie, we drove to another parking deck. pierce was supposed to be home at midnight, but we ended up at the very top of another parking garage-- the one right next to home depot. we talked about a lot of things, and he asked me to define love. and i don't think i actually did; i just told him what i knew about it and what i had learned so far. he told me that his definition of love was a bit more shallower than mine. he told me that he could honestly say that he loves me, but he doesn't know if he's in love with me. i can't say either. he talked about himself and how he was always thought of as a sweetie and a cutie, a girl's best friend and nothing more than that. and he'd want to be more than friends with some, but they never thought of him that way. and the more he talked about it, the angrier and sadder he got; he seemed as if he was going to cry. and then he laughed a little, said that he had been waiting and looking for 3 years for a girl like me, and now that he's found me, i refuse to sleep with him. fast forward a little bit... it was about 3 am when we left the parking garage. i ended up crashing at his house and sleeping in his room. he slept downstairs. woke up early because of all the noise outside. went back to sleep. woke up again because his parents came back. tried to go to back to sleep. he told his parents i was here over breakfast. he knocked on the dorr, and i unlocked it. he kissed me good morning. i told him that i heard him cursing and swearing and i inferred that he was programming. it amused me. his mum asked if i wanted breakfast, and i said i wasn't hungry. she asked if i was allergic to food, and i laughed and said no. i went down and ate her blueberry pancakes anyway, and they were pretty damn good. dan came down to eat breakfast, and pierce came down after him. the cat ran into the wall. i finished eating, parents left. pierce and i made out upstairs. we came downstairs to check on the laundry. he took his clothes out of the dryer and out his whites in the washer. i sat on top of the washer and we kissed. he unzipped my shorts and tried to get both my panties and my shorts off, and he ended up picking me up and taking them off. i was wet, and he fingered me, which got me even wetter. he undid his belt, unzipped his pants and we had sex on top of the washer. then his parents came home, and we almost got caught. i ran upstairs and put on my bra, panties, and shorts. ran back down said hi to dan and looked for cat and played dumb for a little while. we ran out of the house cause he had to go to skool, and i had to get home. and when we got to the van, we started laughing. we talked for a bit and i told him that he's not going to get any for a while. he said that it could be negotiated. i laughed a little. we kissed each other a very long goodbye, and then he left. i took a nap, went to grandpa's birthday party, and ate too much. that was my day.
2 juillet 2000 *she's a sad tomato*
sunday, keith accused me of cheating on pierce with paul cause paul was over at my house. then keith went on to say that i wasn't allowed to have any guy friends since i'm dating pierce. what the hell is up with that? i can have guy friends. the reason paul was at my house was because i hadn't seen him in 6 months cause he was in a huge car wreck, and his family was at my house hanging out with my family. so paul, fatass (sara), and i decided to head out to the mall; i bought five shirts and bought some stuff for laura. and when i called keith, paul was leaving. paul kept making fun of me; he said he forgot how much fun it was to be a jerk to me. i punched him, and he came back with, "i also forgot that you punch like a guy too; nina's a manly girl!" i punched him again. that was sorta fun. hemi saw me at church cause i didn't go to immanuel. she said, "you're going out with my cousin? he's weird." fatass later told me that when she first told hemi, hemi was all like, "EWWWW!" lol...
3 juillet 2000 *this is not my day*
what a horrible day today has been! first of all, i did not want to go with my family to atlantic city. second, it took us 6 hours to get there cause someone was careless and caused a huge accident and in the process either killed themself or others. third, there was this crazee lady who wouldn't shut up and i wanted to smack her really hard cause she complained more than my mother which is 3x more than i can handle. fourth, my id, pictures, etc. got stolen. fifth, i miss pierce. sixth, the water smelled horrible. seventh, i felt fat and ugly because io looked at myself in the mirror and saw for the first time in a year and a half what my thighs and my tummy look like in a swimsuit. FATTY FLAB. eighth, got kicked out of the casino while looking for my id and while my sister was going to the bathroom, and almost got taken away to a police station, etc. only 2 highlights of today were that i collected a lot of scallop shells (they're the prettiest), and i got to go to my first hard rock cafe and saw kurt cobain's autographed guitar... *sigh* but for the most part i was in a bad mood, and on the way home i was sad. i started to think about pierce and how things are going, things are going okay, but i really wonder if he said all those things and treated me really nice just so he could sleep with me. starting to wonder if that's all i'm wanted for, if that's all i'm good for, and having sex with him wasn't such a good idea after all. didn't really mean to, everything just happened so fast, and i wanted it. and now i wish it had never happened. and i wonder how it's going to be. i have found everything i have ever wanted in a guy, and i'm afraid of losing it, and in some sense, i feel like i already have. nothing's ever going to be the same again, and mind you, i'm crying as i'm typing this. everyone tells me that i have nothing to worry about, since pierce is such a nice guy and he probably wouldn't do anything like that, but how am i supposed to know that? i don't know. i drank a glass of wine a little while ago, hoping that it would ease my mind and put me to sleep. mummy shoudn't have bought it; but i came up with a good excuse for her to. anyways, i'm going to bed. goodnight.
4 juillet 2000 *keep all your secrets wrapped in dead hair always*
i miss pierce. i'm bored, and i've drank 2 glasses of wine. there's this huge fireworks display coming from the country club. i've watched some of it-- then i went back inside cause i was getting eaten alive. thursday, i'm going to busch gardens, and i want to bring pierce along, but he'll have work. my dad's already said no.
7 jullet 2000 *tied up and dead*
i feel like shit. i slept with pierce last night and for some of the day; almost got caught by my aunt and my grandma while pierce was on top, naked. i'm angry at myself once again. and for now, pierce and i don't get past the "hi, how r u? i'm fine." part of the conversation. i see what i've done, and i'm not really too happy with it. i wish we could actually have a conversation. he got what he wanted, and i don't see why he just doesn't leave... everyone else has done it. it's very strange... i used to be able to fuck people and not give a shit afterwards, but now all the sudden, i'm cursing myself for sleeping with pierce. i don't want to care too much, but i already do. i hold back a lot of things so i don't get too attached, but i already am. i don't know anymore, and i wish i could say that i don't care. i'm afraid that i'll become nothing to him, that i won't matter. he doesn't call me or reply to my e-mails anymore. i'm tired of picking where we're going to go, what we're going to do, and i don't see why he can't come up with something for a change because i'm running out of ideas, and there's really nothing to do around here unless you know a lot of people. oh well, keith says that he can always get a replacement for pierce. once again, i'm just really angry at myself, and i hope i don't end up taking it out on the wrong people or anyone at all.
moving right along, i'm home alone. my family's gone to viginia beach; they'll be going to busch gardens on saturday (tomorrow), and returning sat. night/sun. morning. i haven't eaten anything all day except a bowl of cereal, and i'm starving. there's nothing to eat, and there's nothing in my freezer or in my fridge to make to eat. i slept till about 1pm. called omar to see if he wanted to do anything, but he's working until midnight today. russell wasn't home. i have no $ to give to luke and katie for their birthday.
12 juillet 2000 *goddamn right it's gonna be a beautiful day*
damn mood swings... i'm just so fucking moody lately, and i have no clue why. but dammit, today is going to be a damn good day. i'm going to make it a damn good day. brian suddenly feels obligated to look out for me. i find that kinda odd... right now, i'm talking to bill and he's exploring my site. pierce and i are talking, and we're getting past the intro part of coverastion, finally. he falled me today cause he missed the sound of my voice. i told him that i wasn't going to talk because conversation was mostly dead, so he started talking some, but then i ended rambling on about me and some of my friends. but he decided to be sweet today, and i decided that i just might want to talk... i was bored anyway. i made him laugh a couple times, and we started talking about my aversion to small children. i don't really hate them, they just annoy me. i love them becuase they're cute. i hate them because they're annying brats. eh, anyways, pierce is sweet, at least most of the time. i reminded him that he needed to finish making four other programs. brian says i blame myself for too much... anyways, it's four more months until my 18th birthday, and i'll no longer be illegal. i rather like being 17, to tell you the truth. and i'm starting to eat out of boredom. not a good thing. i need to be out doing things. maybe i'll walk to pierce's tomorrow morning. it's a good 5/6 miles. eh, i'm bored with this... goodnight.
15 juillet 2000 *dammit*
thursday: slept with pierce; pierce barely made it home on time. (he had company coming over.) today, i got fitted for a bra, and i found out that i jumped a cup size, and now i'm a 36c... i have no idea how that happened... how annoying. let's see, pierce and i went grocery shoipping for my family and we took banana and stupid fatass (SARA) and that was interesting... pierce cracked up when hannah was all like "WHOAH! Low Sodium or Low FAT Club crackers?" pierce laughed some because hannah and i were being mean to sara the fatass as usual. i think he found it rather amusing. i got my retainer today too, and nobody can understand what i'm saying. i sound like i have a mouth full of marbles, and i was already hard enough to understand before i had my retainer. now trying to decipher what i'm saying is impossible. banana is leaving tomorrow for CTY in Carlisle, PA. byebye banana! hello, long nites alone in front of the PC. pierce decided to be "angelic pierce" for most of the day. i asked him "bad pierce" went, and he said, "'bad pierce' is exhausted and he's taking a nap in the back of the van." i played mirror with him after dinner, and he lifted up his shirt in hopes that i would flash him, which i did. it was a bit silly... we went downstairs, and it was dark, and i was looking for the couch. pierce decided to grab me and throw me down onto the couch. he kissed me, and then he moved away. i rather liked being thrown down and pounced on, but you know... nothing happened really. pierce was being bad pierce for a while, but when it was time for me to go, pierce turned into angelic pierce. and instead of driving around for a while,as usual, pierce took me straight home. he said it wasn't proper for girls to be out this late without a proper escort, and he wasn't a proper escort, since he's my boyfriend. he also said something along the lines of "it's good for you because at night, sex is all i think about, and you're the one who didn't want this relationship to be based on sex." at that moment, i really didn't care. on the way home, pierce was explaning the 3 pierces... quirky pierce, angelic pierce,and bad pierce. and then i said something, and then he mused on why he's my boyfriend when i'm just bad. then he went on to say "well, bad pierce goes out with nina because he has something to be bad with; quirky pierce goes out with nina because it's fun to laugh at someone else instead at laughing at himself all the time; and angelic pierce goes out with nina because someone has to look out for a little girl, and nina gets into a lot of trouble." i laughed...
17 juillet 2000 *enjoy the silence*
it's quiet, and once again, i'm all alone in my little house. and i will leave again to walk all over springfield. i have nothing better to do anyways. i have to find a job, and i have to buy a couple dresses because i have this sudden urge to look nice all the time instead of wearing t-shirt and jeans day in and day out. besides, i have a shortage of nice dresses. i only have formal ones and the other ones that i do have, they're all gothy, and i'm not in a gothy mood at the moment. and everything would fit if my boobs hadn't grown and if i hadn't gained a small tummy. anyways, i saw this really cute pink dress @ aeropostale. i think it would look rather sweet on me... and i had some disquieting thoughts running through my head.... yesterday, i watched pierce shave, and i was very amused by it. and i was rambling, as usual but i don't remember now what i was rambling about, and he told me that i was paranoid. and i told him that i've always been paranoid. he sounded annoyed, and said, "good. you'll stay alive longer." and all day that day i had been trying to initiate a conversation, but we never really got past hello, how are you... and that was starting to annoy me. and dan was aggravating me the entire day. and so i was somewhat drained, and i got sad and started to wonder. what am i to pierce? do i mean anything at all? and then i started to tell myself that i am nothing and i'll never be anything to anyone. i'll just be a pretty thing to have on someone's arm. he finished shaving and asked if i enjoyed the show, and i nodded. i wasn't smiling anymore... he turned off the lights and walked away; i sat on top of the toilet seat and cried a little and stopped. he came back and asked me if i was just going to sit there, and i just nodded. he went away again, and i walked off to the guest bedroom. i stared at the closet and i tried not to cry and when pierce found me, i started to cry. and he tried to get me to talk, but i have a hard time talking to people while i'm crying and i don't know if i should say what i really feel or how to do it. partly in fear, that i would lash out at them. not a good thing. and then he did some silly stuff that got me to smile, and he asked me what was wrong, and i told him that i'll be okay and i'll tell him later... i don't like confrontaions... i don't know how to deal. i was supposed to go golfing with lily yesterday and bring pierce along, but my sister never called me, and so pierce and i went to go see x-men instead. and when i got home, i found out that lily did call and to meet her @ 1pm. i got mad @ fatass and i kicked her and her stupid boyfriend off the phone. yesterday was not a good day. today, i'm supposed to meet kate up @ huntsman square @ 4pm, and i called my aunt so she could give me a ride, but she's not home. walking doesn't seem like a bad idea... i need to lose about 30 lbs anyway and i haven't really gone out in a while. i've gotten lazy... we'll see how this turns out. kate's baby is doing fine.
17 juillet 2000 *enjoy the silence*
it's quiet, and once again, i'm all alone in my little house. and i will leave again to walk all over springfield. i have nothing better to do anyways. i have to find a job, and i have to buy a couple dresses because i have this sudden urge to look nice all the time instead of wearing t-shirt and jeans day in and day out. besides, i have a shortage of nice dresses. i only have formal ones and the other ones that i do have, they're all gothy, and i'm not in a gothy mood at the moment. and everything would fit if my boobs hadn't grown and if i hadn't gained a small tummy. anyways, i saw this really cute pink dress @ aeropostale. i think it would look rather sweet on me... and i had some disquieting thoughts running through my head.... yesterday, i watched pierce shave, and i was very amused by it. and i was rambling, as usual but i don't remember now what i was rambling about, and he told me that i was paranoid. and i told him that i've always been paranoid. he sounded annoyed, and said, "good. you'll stay alive longer." and all day that day i had been trying to initiate a conversation, but we never really got past hello, how are you... and that was starting to annoy me. and dan was aggravating me the entire day. and so i was somewhat drained, and i got sad and started to wonder. what am i to pierce? do i mean anything at all? and then i started to tell myself that i am nothing and i'll never be anything to anyone. i'll just be a pretty thing to have on someone's arm. he finished shaving and asked if i enjoyed the show, and i nodded. i wasn't smiling anymore... he turned off the lights and walked away; i sat on top of the toilet seat and cried a little and stopped. he came back and asked me if i was just going to sit there, and i just nodded. he went away again, and i walked off to the guest bedroom. i stared at the closet and i tried not to cry and when pierce found me, i started to cry. and he tried to get me to talk, but i have a hard time talking to people while i'm crying and i don't know if i should say what i really feel or how to do it. partly in fear, that i would lash out at them. not a good thing. and then he did some silly stuff that got me to smile, and he asked me what was wrong, and i told him that i'll be okay and i'll tell him later... i don't like confrontaions... i don't know how to deal. i was supposed to go golfing with lily yesterday and bring pierce along, but my sister never called me, and so pierce and i went to go see x-men instead. and when i got home, i found out that lily did call and to meet her @ 1pm. i got mad @ fatass and i kicked her and her stupid boyfriend off the phone. yesterday was not a good day. today, i'm supposed to meet kate up @ huntsman square @ 4pm, and i called my aunt so she could give me a ride, but she's not home. walking doesn't seem like a bad idea... i need to lose about 30 lbs anyway and i haven't really gone out in a while. i've gotten lazy... we'll see how this turns out. kate's baby is doing fine.
17 juillet 2000 *enjoy the silence*
it's quiet, and once again, i'm all alone in my little house. and i will leave again to walk all over springfield. i have nothing better to do anyways. i have to find a job, and i have to buy a couple dresses because i have this sudden urge to look nice all the time instead of wearing t-shirt and jeans day in and day out. besides, i have a shortage of nice dresses. i only have formal ones and the other ones that i do have, they're all gothy, and i'm not in a gothy mood at the moment. and everything would fit if my boobs hadn't grown and if i hadn't gained a small tummy. anyways, i saw this really cute pink dress @ aeropostale. i think it would look rather sweet on me... and i had some disquieting thoughts running through my head.... yesterday, i watched pierce shave, and i was very amused by it. and i was rambling, as usual but i don't remember now what i was rambling about, and he told me that i was paranoid. and i told him that i've always been paranoid. he sounded annoyed, and said, "good. you'll stay alive longer." and all day that day i had been trying to initiate a conversation, but we never really got past hello, how are you... and that was starting to annoy me. and dan was aggravating me the entire day. and so i was somewhat drained, and i got sad and started to wonder. what am i to pierce? do i mean anything at all? and then i started to tell myself that i am nothing and i'll never be anything to anyone. i'll just be a pretty thing to have on someone's arm. he finished shaving and asked if i enjoyed the show, and i nodded. i wasn't smiling anymore... he turned off the lights and walked away; i sat on top of the toilet seat and cried a little and stopped. he came back and asked me if i was just going to sit there, and i just nodded. he went away again, and i walked off to the guest bedroom. i stared at the closet and i tried not to cry and when pierce found me, i started to cry. and he tried to get me to talk, but i have a hard time talking to people while i'm crying and i don't know if i should say what i really feel or how to do it. partly in fear, that i would lash out at them. not a good thing. and then he did some silly stuff that got me to smile, and he asked me what was wrong, and i told him that i'll be okay and i'll tell him later... i don't like confrontaions... i don't know how to deal. i was supposed to go golfing with lily yesterday and bring pierce along, but my sister never called me, and so pierce and i went to go see x-men instead. and when i got home, i found out that lily did call and to meet her @ 1pm. i got mad @ fatass and i kicked her and her stupid boyfriend off the phone. yesterday was not a good day. today, i'm supposed to meet kate up @ huntsman square @ 4pm, and i called my aunt so she could give me a ride, but she's not home. walking doesn't seem like a bad idea... i need to lose about 30 lbs anyway and i haven't really gone out in a while. i've gotten lazy... we'll see how this turns out. kate's baby is doing fine.
17 juillet 2000 *enjoy the silence*
it's quiet, and once again, i'm all alone in my little house. and i will leave again to walk all over springfield. i have nothing better to do anyways. i have to find a job, and i have to buy a couple dresses because i have this sudden urge to look nice all the time instead of wearing t-shirt and jeans day in and day out. besides, i have a shortage of nice dresses. i only have formal ones and the other ones that i do have, they're all gothy, and i'm not in a gothy mood at the moment. and everything would fit if my boobs hadn't grown and if i hadn't gained a small tummy. anyways, i saw this really cute pink dress @ aeropostale. i think it would look rather sweet on me... and i had some disquieting thoughts running through my head.... yesterday, i watched pierce shave, and i was very amused by it. and i was rambling, as usual but i don't remember now what i was rambling about, and he told me that i was paranoid. and i told him that i've always been paranoid. he sounded annoyed, and said, "good. you'll stay alive longer." and all day that day i had been trying to initiate a conversation, but we never really got past hello, how are you... and that was starting to annoy me. and dan was aggravating me the entire day. and so i was somewhat drained, and i got sad and started to wonder. what am i to pierce? do i mean anything at all? and then i started to tell myself that i am nothing and i'll never be anything to anyone. i'll just be a pretty thing to have on someone's arm. he finished shaving and asked if i enjoyed the show, and i nodded. i wasn't smiling anymore... he turned off the lights and walked away; i sat on top of the toilet seat and cried a little and stopped. he came back and asked me if i was just going to sit there, and i just nodded. he went away again, and i walked off to the guest bedroom. i stared at the closet and i tried not to cry and when pierce found me, i started to cry. and he tried to get me to talk, but i have a hard time talking to people while i'm crying and i don't know if i should say what i really feel or how to do it. partly in fear, that i would lash out at them. not a good thing. and then he did some silly stuff that got me to smile, and he asked me what was wrong, and i told him that i'll be okay and i'll tell him later... i don't like confrontaions... i don't know how to deal. i was supposed to go golfing with lily yesterday and bring pierce along, but my sister never called me, and so pierce and i went to go see x-men instead. and when i got home, i found out that lily did call and to meet her @ 1pm. i got mad @ fatass and i kicked her and her stupid boyfriend off the phone. yesterday was not a good day. today, i'm supposed to meet kate up @ huntsman square @ 4pm, and i called my aunt so she could give me a ride, but she's not home. walking doesn't seem like a bad idea... i need to lose about 30 lbs anyway and i haven't really gone out in a while. i've gotten lazy... we'll see how this turns out. kate's baby is doing fine.
18 juillet 2000 *i'm not listening*
i want to laugh i want to cry, but mostly i want to cry... i think i'm in my depressed mode again... dammit. i hate when this happens. saw brian online and we talked for a long long time. he wanted to cause some trouble... and i got a story out of it. tomorrow, i'm going to go see dave matthews with pierce @ RFK. i have to clean the bathtub before i go. bleach. mildew. scrubbrush. how. mudane. and tomorrow, it'll be pierce's first time on the metro... awww, that's so cute. i feel so dead inside right now. i eat out of boredom and to quiet those damn hunger pains that just don't want to go away. i'll nibble on something, and then 5 min later, they're back again. i don't know why i bother eating... sometimes i do forget to eat though. i stay up all night doing nothing, and i sleep till at least 2 most afternoons. and then i sleep again 2 hrs later. i'm getting to that point where i actually want someone to kill me. it just seems so nice if that would happen. nobody likes a depressed grrl...
20 juillet 2000 *can't cry anymore*
pierce picked me up around 11, we bought 10 big mac's @ mc donald's and dropped them off at his house. his cousins were visiting and his mummy was having a prayer meeting at their house again. we visited my aunt, and i showed pierce around the house. i said hello to my auntie and to grace, but grace was afraid of me. then pierce and i went to tyson's corner, and we went to the MAC counter. i bought a very nice metallic aqua-blue color called Kloreen that i had been eye-ing for the longest time. we came back to his house because he forgot the tickets, and we ate lunch there. then we hopped on the vienna metro and went to pentagon city because we had about an hour to kill. i explained to pierce that you could never have too many black skirts or dresses and he asked why and i told him that black makes you look thinner. he said, "because it goes with everything?" there was this indian guy who needed help getting a farecard, and i tried to help, but i has hard to understand because of the retainer, so pierce helped him. i donated a dime. we hopped back onto the metro and got on the orange train and got off at the station-armory stop. we walked towards rfk stadium, and there was this crazee guy selling ponchos, which made me laugh. pierce smiled. it was raining and i got really cold, so i was hanging onto pierce really tightly because he was warm. he ended up buying a long-sleeve shirt and gave it to me to wear. we walked around a bit and got out of the rain because the opening bands sucked. i got hungry, and pierce bought me this huge bucket of friesand i devoured about half. he didn't eat too much. this guy came up to us and asked us some fries, and we gave the rest of them to him. he was really happy. dave matthews came on and i screamed and hollered. it was a lot of fun... they played, too much, crash, and a whole bunch of other songs that i don't know, but it was kool. we left early; pierce wanted to get into his nice warm van, and i was cold. the metro station was pretty crowded, and the trains filled up pretty quickly. most everyone got off @ either metro center or l'enfant plaza. pierce drove me home, but i had a note waiting for me. i got kicked out, and all the doors were locked. so i ended up spending the night at pierce's house again. he slept in the guest bedroom, and i slept in his room. around 4/5am, there was a lot of noise, and i kept waking up... pierce's mum woke me up at 9am, and drove me home. i remembered that the door to the laundry room isn't locked because i use that door to sneak out. so that's how i got back in. and now i'm home, tired, and waiting for the bitching...
21 juillet 2000 *hello, hello? is there anyone out there?*
last night- cleaned the house, left to go to to kate and dave's with pierce. called home to see if kate could spend the night, and then i was informed that i got kicked out yet again, which i found abosultely ridiculous. i got upset, and i started to cry, and pierce hugged me... ended up staying the night @ my aunt's house. my cousins were happy to see me and to have someone other than themselves to play with. couldn't sleep, and when i did, every little thing kept waking me up. woke up around 9am, took a shower, painted sharon's nails, and played with grace. got a lecture from my aunt. aunt, uncle and my dad had a little talk before my uncle and my dad went to work. dad agreed to let me back home. so now i'm home, once again, and i'm going out later tonight to go see me, myself, and irene. today is 2 months for me and pierce. yay! :-)
22 juillet 2000 *love you so much it makes me sick*
angry at myself, angry at pierce, angry with everyone else.
25 juillet 2000 *watch me fall*
it's less than a month before pierce goes away... he makes me so angry, but he makes me insanely happy too... maybe pierce going away is a good thing. all i know is that when he leaves, i'll mope around for a while, and go back to being angry and miserable. we were talking onn the phone yesterday and he said that if he lets me beat him up, he gets to spend a whole day in bed. i said deal. he was reading one of his crazee books again, and i asked him what it was about... witches, anarchists and totalitarians in a sci-fi novel-- ah, it was delightfully and horribly fucked up. i got a call from my social worker yesterday. she wanted to make a house visit and talk to my parents. the parents weren't home. kate's going car shopping.
30 juillet 2000 *botched meeting day*
today, i was supposed to meet lily up @ the franconia-sprinfield metro station @ 1:30. pierce and i were 15 min late, and by that time, lily wasn't there. we looked all over the place for her, and i called her house. her mum picked up and said that she was there and she hadn't heard from lily. she said to go on to pentagon city and see if she was there, and so we did, and we searched betsy johnson, bebe, the limited, express and all 4 floors, and pierce and i couldn't find her anywhere. so after 2-3 hours, we headed back and called lily's house yet again. lily's mum said that she left pentagon city when we went to go find her there. i was upset, and i cursed the church and stuff for getting out late and i hated the traffic and all the rest of the bullshit. i wish i had a cellphone. i wish lily had a cellphone. nina ish somewhat mad at herself. nina wishes that lily would've waited for a little bit longer and not gotten there so early. lily prolly hates me now. aghhhhh! pierce ish being a sweetie, as always. he saw that i was upset about not being able to find lily so he got all cuddly and stuff, and we haven't really been like that for a while. i wasn't wearing a bra, which drove him absolutely crazy. after dinner, we hung out and watched dan play his game, and then we went upstairs. things got *ahem* really crazee in the bathroom. pierce unzipped my pants and he whispered, "can you be quiet?" i don't think i could've, so i told him no. which really sucked because i wanted to fuck his brains out. we broke off from each other... too much sexual tension, i suppose. he says i'm really good at getting his testosterone running... hahaha. and he says that whenever i'm around him, i'm frustratingly calming or something. slept with pierce last sunday, wednesday, and thursday. thursday, with dan in the house. no one noticed a thing. and that was the quiestest i've ever been. (i tried to.) i didn't get it, but okay. mum and dad got a new couch. white leather. yay! another thing for pierce and i to defile! lmao! i forgot yesterday that it was my mum's birthday. i feel bad, but i don't. she doesn't do too much for me anyways, and i truly resent her. and in church today, i found out my spiritual gift. i have the gift of mercy. and after that, administering/leadership. how odd. tomorrow, i will go down to the DMV and get my permit. pierce can help me study while we're waiting. dan's gotta go tomorrow too.