9 aout 2000  *why does it always rain on me?*
everday i wake up and it's sunday whatever's in my eye won't go away the radio's playing all the usual and what's a wonderwall anyway? because my outside is inside and my right side's on the left side because i'm writing to reach you now but i might never reach you only want to teach you about you but that's not you it's good to know that you all know i'm hurting it's good to know you are doing well it's good to know that you all know i'm hurting it's good to know that i'm feeling not so well because my outside is inside and my right side's on the left side because i'm writing to reach you now but i might never reach you only want to teach you about you but that's not you do you know it's true but that won't do maybe then tomorrow will be monday and whatever's in my eye should go away but still the radio is playing all the usual and what's a wonderwall anyway because my outside is inside and my right side's on the left side cause i'm writing to reach you now but i might never reach you only want to teach you about you but that's not you do you know it's true but that won't do and you know it's you i'm talking to... -travis, "writing to reach you"

12 aout 2000  *search your heart*
3 more months until i'm 18.  whoopee doo.  today, i went down to bailey's health center.  i got myself tested; i don't have syphilis, gonorrea... yay!; the dr. asked me to take a pregnancy test just in case, which came out negative (of course!).  then they had some blood work done for HIV, hepatitis B, etc; and my left arm still feels kinda numb from it.  i have to come back in 2 wks and have my blood redrawn.  i only did this because of bill and hillary incident.  i prolly don't have anything because most of the time, i've been good about stuff.  bill prolly got it from stephanie sitnik...  haha, that stupid cunt... i told pierce that i just had bloodwork done to check my lithium levels, which was a half-truth, because they were checking that too.  pierce is in maryland, visiting jeff, his best friend/roomie.  it's 4:19 am.  i am reevalutaing my relationship, seeing what needs to be done, what needs to be changed.  life just kinda got in the way.  sometimes, i feel as if i'm the only person in this relationship, and on occasion, i've wondered, "if i walk out this door, would he walk out after me?"  because i don't know how he really feels about me, and i feel a bit vulnerable right now.  i love him... pooh... what's the use of falling in love?  it's such a pain in the ass anyway.  brian and michelle aren't doing too well; michelle's tuned him out and brian doesn't know what he did wrong, if anything.  that's sad.  very sad indeed. 

14 aout 2000  *blah*
i am infected.  i have to back back and get a shot and take four pills and it'll be done and over with.

17 aout 2000  *good lord!*
let's see, pierce, dan, his parents and i ran errands in the morning.  pierce was getting a new monitor, a cd burner, went down to bailey's health center and dragged dan along.  i got my shot and i took my pills.  i screamed when he gave me the shot cause it hurt like a bitch.  and then we got back to pierce's house and pierce and i had mad sex... it was damn good.  :-)  he wondered what was in those shots cause i was all over him.  and we had anal sex, and i was turned away so my back was facing him... he said he didn't like that position much.  and i still wanted more even though i was tired.  pierce kept telling me to take a map.  i refused.  he was impressed that even though i was tired, i could still go for more.  eh, whatever. 

25 aout 2000  *i feel you*
pierce left yesterday.  feeling kinda numb.  went out to dinner with my parents.  saw a little boy who looked like a miniature version of pierce, right down to the dimples and chubby cheeks and glasses.  i almost cried.

27 aout 2000  *i play it off but i'm dreaming of you*
agh... so i'm mopey and everything is going to make me cry.  went to church today with my parents and my sister got left behind.  paul kept making fun of me and stuff saying things like, "nina, you're not as ugly as you usually are." he's like an older brother, mean and insulting.  eh, whatever.  i don't mind much.  :-P 

30 aout 2000  *i'm losing it*
haha... i'm going asolutely mad, and I LIKE IT!  let's see, i was talking to pierce last night and he said i was slacking on my diary...  what am i supposed to write?  day 6 of pierce withdrawal: more moping?  puhleeaassssse!  :-p last night, kate told dave that she didn't want to keep her baby anymore and that she wanted to put it up for adoption when the baby came.  dave said, "over his dead body" and then he proceeded to call me a parasite.  it's not nice to talk about people behind their backs, you know.  eh, i don't care.  and just right now, pierce signed off without saying goodbye.  eh, whatever.  i care, but i don't.  i'm also supposed to be mowing the lawn, but i don't wanna.  so i'm not going to.  i hope it pours.  so kate and bob came over last night and we hung out in my driveway and almost got run over by my dad. and then my parents got all pissy cause my friends were over.  when do i ever have them over?  i always leave because they're anal and i don't wanna hear all this bullshit.  buggah... anyways, kate and chris came over, and they whisked me off to chris's.  we watched the mummy, which totally freaked me out.  then sarah came over and her and kate talked about vibrators and dildos.  sarah told all of us about her vast collection of vibrators and dildos, including a hello kitty one.  chris's mum ordered pizza for us and we all went outside for a while.  then kate, sarah, and i wanted to play super smash brothers, and i had forgotten how to play.  so kate, sarah, and chris kicked my ass for a while, until ta-da!  i beat them using kirby.  hannah came home today too.  oh joy...

31 aout 2000  *don't open your eyes you won't like what you see*
okay, so i couldn't sleep last night, and i ended up staying up until about 5 in the morning, only to be woken up around 6 to the sound of my mother, once again, plotting my future.  she still has this fucked up idea of sending me off to the air force or some other military service, and she asked my dad to convince me to go... fuck her!  fucking stupid fat ass bitch... yeah, how about we send her ass off to the military.  i've already told her, fuck you, i'm not going.  shove that up your ass.  ah, and my dad woke up around 1am because my sisters were being loud and obnoxious and he noticed that the dishes still weren't washed, so he comes up in my room while i'm trying to sleep (unsuccessfully) and tells me to do the dishes.  i tell him no, i'll do it tomorrow, and then he put up this wannabe badass attitude and said, "how am i going to eat breakfast tomorrow if you don't do the dishes?"  and i told them i'd do them later, and then he punched me in the stomach.  so i did the dishes, and i was slamming them, trying to break them and my dad comes back out, complaining about the noise.  he shouldn't have made me do the dishes @ 1am anyways.  i should kill him too.  i've had it up to here... i think i'll move in with kate when her house is done.  i'm going to get out and never ever see them again, well, maybe on holidays.  i get money on new year's...  anyways, on the brighter side, i won something from dc 101 around 2-3am.  they played a song backwards, and you guess what it is.  the song was live, "white discussion" and i got it.  this other chick thought it was a vertical horizon song... ha!  the dj was all like, wow, you got it!  that was a hard one.  no, not really.  : )

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