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11 poems

2 essays

Outside Your Castle Walls by heyday

Alone we have sat,and we sit, afraid not of the darkness our mournful soul acknowledges not, as we see instead a seperation from a painful reality born of experience noted. We remember not our dream.(Oh how we dreamed before those jouneys past, thinking only of blissful destinations with colors bright, where we thought the music from our soul would be as chirping birds singing the delightful tune of spring!)

Alone we sit now, unchanged since we disdained those journeys past, present, and future, sitting as still and immobile as the dull ache that we acknowledge not. No, never!

To recognise our personal and private discontent might lead us to the outer passageways and tempt us into further adventure upon trails where we have lost treasured parts of our very being on those painful journeys past.

Oh, those alluring companions we believed in! The charm of guides that we vainly trusted to lead us into paradise. We thought we would be connected to them, and our souls rejoiced in them, to share and appreciate.

And yet, each time our journeys past abruptly ended in a torment not hinted at by those we trusted... and we became entrapped in emotional quagmires not suffered by those who deftly stepped around them even as they unflinchingly dumped us into a mental misery.

And then one day we woke up surrounded by fanciful resolutions. Declaring ourselves safe from further depredations, our determinations engulfed us in a solitude we called sweet, even as we tried so very hard to taste not the bitter truth of aloneness in a reality void of the companionship naturally needed_by the the human soul. Our self imposed incarceration was made seemingly palatable by the safety of a foundation anchored far away from any one who might possibly hurt us, so that our walls became secure and escape proof as an invisible prison that we became unaware of. Never again would we be lured into those shifting sands that gnaw and swallow. But sadly,they also barricaded us away from our dream of those splended beaches that even now lay under the warmth of gentle ocean breezes,waiting patiently for us to arrive when we will.

Yet we know of them not.

In the darkest corner of our solitude we hid and we hide, and we vainly define it as serenity.

Yet, serenity knew us not then,and knows us not now. It acknowledged us not then,and forgives us not now...for it always knows the truth of it's being abandoned by us, and it is forever contemptuous of we who hide behind stone walls cold and aloof to the warmth it offers, giving up on it gift of comfort so easily, as if it is not worth trials and tribulations.One thing is for certain. Serenety will never have company with us as we shiver in the drafts of a solitary winter that we loudly proclaim as warmth to others in a futile attempt to become blind ourselves to the_fair winds offered by the tropical paradise of companionship and comraderie.

Yet, we hid, and we hide, mindful of past insults, in terror of future injury, ever so cleverly camoflauging ourselves from the turbelence of liars and cheats, those predators who steal our dignaty and trust and treat them as the meaningless trinkets of a fool...even as our most precious gift of love_is discarded like an embarrasing moment by those unappreciative soulless ones who promise the moon, but deliver the darkness of a moonless night.

You and I, we know our own personal castle well...indeed we must, as we have erected each fortification upon carefully laid stones acquired not calculatingly, but necessarily, from each and every stumble on those wrenching journeys past.

Right, or wrong, none may dare judge us our forts, for no one has walked in your footsteps, nor anyone mine.
BUT...
What if my walls came tumbling down? And what if I catch a glimpse of previously unobtainable treasures and remember again my old desires? May I rightfully attempt to bulldose your mighty erections and try to secure your company on my quest?

No.Coercing your free will would only lead to a precipace that would ultimately throw us both brutally over the edge, into unprotected places of no value to a soul seeking things true, proper, and right.

But what if I can see what looks to me to be paradise at last, yet can never reach it without a special friend to begin that journey pleasant and real? .What if I see within you special qualities that I believe makes possible things special and divine...that inspires my imagination to envision a mutually cultivated garden bearing good fruit....may I then send you paintings of this paradise so as to entice you into exiting from the secret passageway of your carefully guarded domain?

No. Such discourse would be a vanity. How could I fairly assume that you can gaze upon the colors of my artistry when I know not if you you have sufficient light with which to look upon them with? Solitary prisons, even if viewed as a private fortification, are mostly dim and devoid of bright color.

Maybe it would be a good thing to call to you over your walls and regale you with poetic descriptions of the lovely views to be had outside your castle walls, and profess a yearning desire to share them with you?

But no.You have been lured before, tricked away from the sanctity of your security only to be abandoned to bitter winds stemming from thoughtless and selfish lies. Why would my calls be different? And besides. Who am I to know the windows of your soul, your view of Gods creation? Until I have looked at the world from the same view as you see, I can never know that my pictures are prettier.Maybe your castle is so much more joyful than mine, all dark and dank.

What then, shall I do? How should I proceed?

Such is part of the mystery of life. Herein lays a mighty puzzle at first glance. Yet the conundrum is small and insignificant, simple to unravel, and easy to equate.If everything stated above is true, then it must be held that I consider you as a special friend!

Therefore the answer is had.

A true friendship carries a certain obligation written in the manuscripts of natural law, preserved by the annals of time, to witt: a true friendship can never be conditional, it must be held fast without seams or structural fault, so that it forever stands against the assault of external forces; nor may it crumble from defect within,so that it can never be eroded by time.

Because, you see, no matter that they get angry, and maybe even quit speaking.Because that is the test of friendship.Friends, by their very nature, must forgive each other, because that's the nature of gravity.

Therefore, I, as your true and proper friend, stand outside your castle walls forever respectful of your line drawn upon the sand, without thought of stepping over them without invitation. I will not attempt to lure you outside your stately walls, for, as your friend, I must attune the beating of my heart's desire with the melody of your hearts music, always being respectful of your tunes, happily willing to appreciate any song you sing, and forever remaining in harmony with whatever tone you choose to resonate.

heyday AKA Dane Metcalfe

POEMS:

ESSAYS

Find out more about me at Heyday's Hideout