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MICROSCOFT ANNOUNCEMENT

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Geordie version of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of Newcastle.

If you have one of the Newcastle editions you may need some help understanding the commands. The Newcastle edition may be recognised by looking at the loading screen. It reads Windiz 98 with a background picture of a Brown Ale bottle superimposed on a photograph of the Tyne Bridge. It is shipped with the Brown Ale screen saver.

Also note:

• The Recycle Bin is labelled 'Aal ya shite'
• Dialup Networking is called 'Me mates'
• Control Panel is known as 'How te fuck aboot wi the settins'
• The Hard Drive is referred to as 'Big disk'
• Floppies are known as 'Them litil plastic bastads'

Other Features:

• OK = it's alreet
• cancel = fuck that
• yes = aye
• no= nee fuckin' chance
• find = gan gerit ya fucking sel'
• goto = owa there
• help = ah cannit dee it
• stop = divvent move
• settings = settins
• programs = stuff that dis stuff
• personal folder = me shite

 Also note that Windiz 98 does not recognise capital letters or punctuation marks.

Some programs that are exclusive to Windiz 98:

• tiperiter = a word processor
• cullarin book = a graphics package
• addin masheen = calculator
• tunes = CD player
• bevvy = local off-licences by area code and price of Brown Ale
• tax records = usually an empty file

 We regret any inconvenience it may cause if you received a copy of the Newcastle edition. You may return it to Microscoft for a replacement version.