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To the tune of Gloria Gaynor - I Will
Survive
(2 versions)
For the boys ...............
At first I was afraid, I was petrified
By the ugly slapper that was lying by my side
I would've drunk a little less, I would've tried to keep my head,
If I'd known for just one second you'd assault me in your bed.
I tried to go, walk out the door
But you've been sitting on my legs and I can't feel them anymore
And now you're sitting on my face, my nose has vanished - not a trace
I only hope that you're big knickers aren't made of liquorice lace.
I want to go, I've got to leave.
Before your fat and naked body makes me want to heave
Only hope that no one saw me walking home with such a slut
God the things that you get up to when you're half cut.
I can't believe, I'm lying here.
It's all 'cos of that f**king evil drink that we call beer.
You can sod your beer goggles, shit I must have been blind
To mistake that Hoover dam for a sexy young behind.
Please let me go, I'm getting scared
There's nothing I can do to stop those ugly breasts from being bared.
I think that I must have been mad, God what made me want to court her?
With tits that look like Tesco bags I've just filled up with water.
It's time to go, run out the door
She's started hinting she wants sex on her dirty lino floor
I don't think there's anything worse
Than the al-co-hol-lics curse.
I WILL SURVIVE, I WILL SURVIVE, I WILL SURVIVE!!
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To which the girls reply....
At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
By the ugly wanker that was lying by my side.
I would've drunk a little less, I would've tried to keep my head,
If I'd known for just one second I'd be in your crusty bed...
I tried to go, walk out the door.
But I laughed so hard at your small knob that I've fallen on the floor.
Your butts a pimply mess, it's just a broken-out disgrace,
But I'd rather look at that, than at your fucken ugly face..!
I want to go, I've got to leave.
Your talk of chicks and football really makes me want to heave.
I only know I've got to stop my drinking spirits and the beer
Coz when I looked at you last night, you looked just like that Richard
Gere!
I can't believe, that we both shagged.
You should be wearing concrete shoes or simply bound and gagged.
I'm fucking off right now, I'm jumping on the flippin' train
and I'm not stopping till I'm home and washed your greeblies down the
drain.
Please let me go, I feel quite sick,
We had the worst sex in the world and you're an ugly prick
I should have shagged your gorgeous mate, at least he's got a lovely flat
But no I go and trust the booze and now I'm stuck with you, you twat.
It's time to go, run out the door.
You look so ugly it should really be against the law.
I'm going to give up all the booze, I'm going to have no stupid fun
Coz waking up beside your mug, just makes me want to be a nun!
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