|
CAPRICORN Dec. 22 - Jan. 19
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You
are basically chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn
of any importance. You should kill yourself.
AQUARIUS Jan. 20 - Feb. 18
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be
progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you
are inclined to be careless and impractical. Everyone thinks
you are a fucking jerk.
PISCES Feb. 19 - Mar. 20
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are
being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence
over your friends and people resent you for flaunting your
power. You lack confidence and are generally a coward.
Pisces people screw small animals and pick their
noses.
ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr. 19
You are a pioneer type and hold most people in
contempt. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of
advice. You are a prick.
TAURUS Apr. 20 - May 20
You are practical and persistent. You have dogged
determination and work like hell. Most people think you are
stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddam
communist.
GEMINI May 21 - June 20
You are quick and intelligent and a thinker. People
like you because you are bisexual. However, you are inclined
to expect too much for too little. This means you are a
cheap bastard. Gemini's are liars, notoriously lousy lovers
and thrive on incest.
CANCER June 21 - July 22
You are sympathetic and understanding to other
people's problems. They think you are a sucker. You are
always putting things off. That is why you will always be on
welfare and won't be worth a shit.
LEO July 23 - Aug. 22
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you
are pushy. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot
tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo
people are thieving bastards and kiss mirrors a lot.
VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sept. 22
You are the logical type and hate disorder. This
shit-picking is sickening to your friends. You are cold and
unemotional and often fall asleep while screwing. Virgo's
make good bus drivers and pimps.
LIBRA Sept. 23 - Oct. 22
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time
with reality. If you are male, you are probably queer.
Chances for employment and monetary gain are excellent. Most
Libra women are whores. All Libra's die of venereal disease.
SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov. 21
You are stupid in business and cannot be trusted. You
shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total
lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-bitch. Most
Scorpio people are murderers.
SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22 - Dec. 21
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a
reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent.
The majority of Sagittarians are drunks and potheads. People
laugh at you a lot because you are always getting
fucked.
|
