THE END TIMES

VOLUME II || ISSUE 2 || APRIL 9, 2005

Optical Intercourse Next Great Sin!

Lifestyle Contract: Going Out on a Limb?

Relief for North Hall

"The Darkness" Named JBU's New Official Band!

Business Center Actually Nuclear Testing Facility!

Vampires Take a Bite Out of Campus Life!

Letter to Editor Capitalizes Candy!

Dating Banned at John Brown!

To The Little Man

END TIMES HOME

Relief for North Hall

SGA has officially approved funding for a proposed rickshaw transportation route from North Hall to Walker Student Center. The goal is to assist North Hall residents who are worn out from repeated trips to and from their dorm.

The plan calls for an initial purchase of two rickshaw units to make hourly runs beginning at 8:50 am and continuing until 2:50 pm. This will allow for the prompt arrival at class and return trips will be available as well. If the venture proves successful, additional trips for meal times may be added to the schedule.

Theodore Cloddlyston is excited about the possibilities. "I'm so sick of walking up that danged hill. I have almost succumbed to wind poisoning on several occasions." The rickshaw service will begin in the Fall '05 semester and will be powered by desperate work study students.

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