THE END TIMES

VOLUME II || ISSUE 2 || APRIL 9, 2005

Optical Intercourse Next Great Sin!

Lifestyle Contract: Going Out on a Limb?

Relief for North Hall

"The Darkness" Named JBU's New Official Band!

Business Center Actually Nuclear Testing Facility!

Vampires Take a Bite Out of Campus Life!

Letter to Editor Capitalizes Candy!

Dating Banned at John Brown!

To The Little Man

END TIMES HOME

"The Darkness" Named JBU's New Official Band!

Stan McKinnon, in a press release on Tuesday, announced Jackson Water's successor as the official JBU band: Britain's very own The Darkness! "I am very excited by this decision," McKinnon stated. "I mean, God can use anything, right?"

The Darkness will perform with Derek Webb on Tuesday, April 12th at the Cathedral of the Ozarks. The date will also highlight the release of The Darkness' new Christian version of their hit album "Permission to Land", which will include songs such as "I Believe in the One True Love" and "Get Your Hands Off My Jesus."

The End Times questioned President Pollard about the decision. His response: "Do Brits really refer to dogs as 'shucks?'"

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