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THE END TIMES VOLUME II || ISSUE 2 || APRIL 9, 2005 |
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Optical Intercourse Next Great Sin! Lifestyle Contract: Going Out on a Limb? "The Darkness" Named JBU's New Official Band! Business Center Actually Nuclear Testing Facility! Vampires Take a Bite Out of Campus Life! |
Dating Banned at John Brown!Due to the recent rise in optical intercourse at CCCU schools, The Office of Christian Formation and Student Development have teamed up to ban dating at JBU. School officials released an official statement saying, "We do not believe Optical Intercourse to be part of a healthy relationship. Therefore, we believe it to be prudent to ban dating at John Brown so that the student body may be protected from themselves." While many students are outraged at the news, a few deem it to be a step in the right direction. Sophomore Stephanie Stewart is actually fond of the idea, stating, "We didn't come to JBU to date each other. We came to date Jesus!" While university officials shied away from this statement, they were quick to point out that while dating is now banned, courting with intentions of marriage is still ok. "We believe this to be the safest option," says one staff member, "I mean, everyone knows courting is more holy than dating." |
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