Something New
Chapter 2
Something New
Chapter 2
�Buffy,� Joyce greeted when her daughter came home.
�Not right now, mom.� Buffy sighed. �I just want to take a shower and get some shut eye.�
�Well, I thought you�d just want to know before you do that, that your friend came over.� Joyce said, mixing up super at the counter. �What�s his name? Spike. Such an odd name, but he really is a nice man-�
�Spike?� Buffy threw herself towards her mother, gripping the counter and startling Joyce slightly. �What about Spike? Spike was here? T-today? How long ago?�
�Well, I guess you just missed him by about twenty minutes.� Joyce said. �He came by with that cute little boy to grab James� things. I made them cocoa and James was adorable-�
�He came here with James for cocoa?� Buffy raised an eyebrow.
�Well, no, silly.� Joyce laughed. �But a good hostess shouldn�t let a guest go without a good cup of cocoa. And Spike does enjoy it. Oh, but tonight he seemed upset. Just like when he broke up with that awful � Drusilla?�
�Great, so Spike came over to sulk.� Buffy muttered. �Where did they go? They�re not, leaving town, are they?�
�Err... well, I don�t think so.� Joyce frowned. �He just came by to collect anything that James had. It�s hard to believe that you�re his � did you two get married?�
�What? No.� Buffy said quickly. �James isn�t my son by marriage. I told you, Willow�s spell went wrong and we ended up with a son. Except Spike wasn�t supposed to know about James.� Buffy fiddled with her cross necklace nervously.
�So� you�re the Slayer, Spike is a vampire and Willow is a witch. And� Willow cast a spell to make you and Spike fall and love for a few hours and you magickally ended up with a son?� Joyce summed, pointing a spoon at Buffy.
�In a nutshell.� Buffy muttered. �But I so wouldn�t have done anything with Spike if I wasn�t under the influence of a spell.�
�But now Spike is taking James away for himself.� Joyce continued.
Buffy stared at Joyce in disbelief, but then, she shouldn�t underestimate the powers of her mother. Moms know everything. �Yeah, I guess he is.�
�Well, I don�t see what�s so bad about that.� Joyce moved to the stove, flipping over some steak.
Buffy stared in disbelief now. �It�s very bad! Spike is evil! A-and James is just a little kid. A vampire and a little boy in a confined room for any amount of time will never end well!�
�Oh, I don�t think Spike is evil.� Joyce said. �That�s a very unkind think to say. And besides, doesn�t Spike have that� chip thing in his head? The one that keeps him from hurting anyone?�
�Yeah, I guess.� Buffy sighed, folding her arms and leaning against the counter. �But Spike just isn�t the father-ly type. He�ll have to watch after Jamie and protect him from demons and other vampires and he can�t just keep drinking or gambling. And he�ll have to feed James. Like, actual food. Not blood. And his crypt is hardly child-friendly. James could get seriously hurt. Or, with those weapons laying around, he could even die. And the crypt is messy. And cold. Plus, Spike is really immature. James will start wearing black and bleach his hair� or something.�
�It sounds like you�re really concerned.� Joyce commented, looking over her daughter.
�Well, yeah.� Buffy shifted uncomfortably. �Why shouldn�t I be?�
�Well it�s just that a few days ago, I was the one taking care of Jamie and you were the one trying to pretend that he didn�t exist.� Joyce recalled. �And a month ago you were the girl who woke up screaming, �Ahhh! Get this thing out of me!� But even when you were crying in the bathroom, I held strong, because that�s what mothers are supposed to do. I�m glad you�re finally learning that. You�re just so young.�
�I�m sorry.� Buffy winced. �I am young, and I was scared, and I�m not supposed to be a mom.� She sighed and hugged her mother. �I�m glad at least one of us has experience.�
�It�s okay, sweetie.� Joyce sympathized. �I remember that I myself, as a first-time mother, was so scared that my life was completely over. But women are strong, and we�ve been having babies for hundreds of years. I just never thought my little girl would have one of her own so soon.�
�Yeah, well, I guess I�d be happier if I�d had a heads up.� Buffy said, fiddling with her necklace again. �We could�ve� shopped for baby clothes or thrown a shower. And he isn�t supposed to just grow so fast. Pregnancy is scary enough. You shouldn�t have to worry about overnight deliveries or vampire fathers coming to take back their children.�
�Oh, honey.� Joyce sighed. �You�ll make it, I know you will. And I�ll always be here for you when you need me. Just ask. And I�m sure that if you talk with Spike, he can be reasoned with. It doesn�t sound like he can protect James, like you said, but he wants to. That�s what counts.�
�Well�I haven�t really given him a chance.� Buffy admitted, her eyes low. �And his intentions are good.�
�See?� Joyce smiled. �You�re growing up already. Oh and only yesterday you were just a little girl playing with her dolls and asking me to read you a bedtime story.�
�Mom,� Buffy blushed. �Now is not the time for flashbacks. But if it�s any help it seems like only yesterday James was tailing me, wanting to be held.�
�That was yesterday, dear.� Joyce chuckled and sighed. �He grew so fast. Like a little Chia pet, I suppose.�
�Yeah.� Buffy agreed. �We should start a mother�s club.�
Joyce laughed and hugged her daughter, kissing her hair. �Wait till you�re a grandmother.�
�Oh no.� Buffy groaned and the two shared another laugh, though Buffy fell into nervousness again when it was silent.
�Are you hungry, dear?� Joyce asked. �Grab a plate, and set one out for your sister.�
Buffy opened up the cupboard, grabbing a couple plates and set one on the table, then served herself some of the potatoes Joyce had made. �Thanks, mom. I guess its just time for me to grow up. No more wild nights for Buffy. I�ll have to�settle down. Get a real paying job. Maybe buy my own house.�
�Finish collage first.� Joyce smiled. �Then you can play the single mom. Or maybe�� She looked up at Buffy, treading on thin ice. �You can be a mom, and someone�s wife.�
�Noo way.� Buffy refused. �I was married to Spike, like, once, and that was under a spell! And� Spike is just so immature and intolerable. We had him at Giles� house and he was soo annoying. And, besides, I�m going out with Riley. I don�t think he�s ready to suddenly be Mr. Dad.�
�Well, maybe someday.� Joyce shrugged.
�Is it super time?� Dawn asked, coming downstairs.
�Yup.� Buffy pointed. �Plate. Food.�
Dawn made a face and grabbed her plate, loading it up with veggies and a piece of steak. �So are you expecting anything soon, the way you�re eating like a pregnant lady?�
Buffy looked at her plate and then her sister�s. �You�re the one to talk. And no, I�m not expecting anything. I�m officially never looking forward to children ever again. My first, my only.�
�Oh, Buffy, James isn�t so awful.� Joyce reasoned.
�Are you kidding?� Dawn breathed. �He got into my closet and tore up my favorite shirt! It�s completely ruined.�
�He probably did you a favor.� Buffy retorted, only to be punched in the shoulder by her sister. �Mom,�
�Now girls, play nicely.� Joyce said. �And Dawn, you know that was when James was just little.�
�It�s not my fault that three days is like, a year to him.� Dawn retorted. �And I don�t care what you say, I know he did it on purpose.�
�Yeah, Dawn. James is conspiring against you.� Buffy rolled her eyes. �He�s the ultimate evil.�
�You think so?� Dawn asked, stuffing a carrot into her mouth and taking a bite. �I�m glad someone agrees with me.�
*****
�Daaaddyyyy,� James complained, his eyes slightly blurry with tears. He wiped away the moisture, trying to spot Spike, who�d disappeared somewhere into the cemetery when he�d had his back turned.
James had tried to follow Spike�s scent, but he couldn�t tell fresh trails from old and Spike had been all over the cemetery. James had stomped all over for the first few minutes, certain that Spike was nearby but had found nothing. Then his search became more desperate, trailing all the way across the cemetery and calling for Spike. But when James lost sight of the crypt as well, he�d started to cry.
James sniffled, whimpering and shivering at the cold.
Then he was attacked.
It sprang, ten feet it seemed. This thing was nearly six feet tall, towering over James in full game face. It snarled and James was so scared he could only stare wide-eyed and then fell flat on his bottom.
Suddenly the huge vampire dusted into a million pinpoints and Spike stood behind it, wielding a stake.
James had a delayed reaction, crying loudly and scrambling back to his feet. He hugged Spike�s legs tightly, still wailing like a banshee. �S�alright Nibblet, it�s just-� Spike was just off as James started hitting Spike�s legs as hard as he could � which was pretty hard for a little guy. �Hey, hey.� Spike knelt down, hugged again by James and he hugged back. �Vampires aren�t supposed to cry.�
�You left me!� James accused. �You snucked off!�
�I was testing you.� Spike admitted. �I didn�t leave.�
�You hided.� James sniffed. �I almost got eaten.�
�I wouldn�t let that happen.� Spike insisted. He�d been hiding nearby but had always kept watch so nothing and no one could hurt James. �I was only seeing if you could find me. Didn�t mean to scare you.�
James wiped his eyes again. �I�ll find you next time. And I�ll beat you up, too.�
�Is that so?� Spike raised an eyebrow with a smirk. James nodded. �Oh yeah? Give me your best shot.�
James pouted in concentration, then hit Spike as hard as he could on the shoulder.
�Ouch, not bad.� Spike commented, actually feeling a little hurt from that punch. �Bet I could beat you, though.�
�Nuh-uh.� James folded his arms.
�Uh-huh.� Spike said. �I can make you cry and I don�t even have to hurt you.�
�Nothing makes me cry.� James boasted, wiping his eyes.
�Oh?� Spike tackled James to the ground, making sure he didn�t hurt the small boy as she leaned over James and started tickling him wildly.
James held on for a second and then shrieked in laughter, squirming and kicking as Spike tickled his sides. Spike pulled up his child�s shirt, pressing his lips to baby soft skin and blowing � �Bppllsshh!�
James still giggled as Spike grinned down at him. �I win, Munchem. Spike informed.
James wiped his freshly watered eyes as he calmed down, realizing Spike had tricked him when the bleached vampire attacked him with kisses and sat up. �You tricked me again.� James whined, pushing himself up. �First you ran away and now you tickle me to death!�
�Oh, I know, baby.� Spike hugged James and lifted him up. �I�m a bad, rude man.�
James clutched Spike�s chest, then settled into his arms and pawed at the cool leather coat his daddy wore. �I forgive you, Daddy.�
�Aww, shucks.� Spike shifted his hold on his child. �What do you want to do, Munchem? It can be anything � most anything you want. Doesn�t even have to be legal.�
James rested his head against Spike�s shoulder. �I wanna go to bed.�
�What?� Spike blinked at the unusual request, looking at James, who was blinking sleepily. �Big Bads don�t go to bed at nine. Vampires stay up until dawn, for crying out loud.�
�Well I�m not a big bad vampire.� James rubbed his eyes.
�Sure you are.� Spike persisted. �Let�s see your game face.�
�Grr!� James mustered energy, scrunching up his face and showing teeth, but he couldn�t quite pull it off.
�Alright then, to bed with you, Nibblet.� Spike carried James back to his crypt, and the little tyke was half asleep by the time they got there. Spike was slightly disappointed by James� bedtime, but reminded himself that it�d been a big day. They�d gotten up during the day, though James couldn�t fully appreciate soap operas and preferred to watch Nickelodeon and play imaginary games, or just stomp around and ask Spike impatient questions. Then when the sun had set, Spike had allowed James to go outside, where James had immediately run off and Spike had to keep catching him. Aside from the Magick box and recent tickle fights, James had tired himself out.
Spike placed James in bed downstairs, tucking him in with the warmest blanket and handing James his crystal. James twirled the crystal in his hands, watching how it sparkled. �I love you, Daddy.� James sighed, looking at the crystal and then up at Spike.
�I love you too, pet.� Spike placed a kiss on James� forehead, then ruffled his light, fuzzy hair. In moments James was asleep and Spike stared on for a moment, watching James� rhythmic breathing before he headed back upstairs.
Spike was really the most screwed up vampire there was, but he couldn�t be happier. If you�d told him only a few years ago that he�d be stuck in Sunnydale with a chip and a son and be perfectly happy, he�d have told you to sod off. But he was. Really. It just scared him slightly that he�d become a father overnight and he was so calm about it. But James� little devilish grin made it all worthwhile.
That�s what Spike was thinking about when he sat down in his chair. Spike could never play with James in the sunlight, and if he got sick he couldn�t take him to the hospital. If he ran out of cash he wouldn�t be able to feed James or pay for his own blood. The crypt, although it didn�t bother Spike, would be too cold and too unsafe for his son. And although demons weren�t a problem, if James should ever be attacked by a human gang, Spike wouldn�t be able to protect his son without the chip frying his brain. But he�d fight like hell.
Spike�s thinking was interrupted by the sound of little feet. They were too tired to be stompy, but wandered upstairs nonetheless and into Spike�s den. �What�s wrong, pet?� Spike asked, looking at the little boy who was tugging the blanket behind him. Spike waited to be told about a nightmare or a wandering spider or even a monster under the bed.
�I wanna sleep wif you.� James said, climbing up into Spike�s lap and trying to get the blanket to follow. He curled up against Spike�s chest possessively, tugging the blanket to cover him inefficiently.
Spike fixed the blanket, adjusting it to cover up his baby boy and keep him warm. Spike put him arms around James, holding his bundle of joy close as if he might disappear. James� skin was silky; his hair was soft; his lips were pouty; his feet were stompy and his arms were clingy and strong though his hands were small. His eyes sparkled happily, his teeth shown when he grinned and his mouth said a thousand �I Love You�s and Spike wouldn�t change him in the slightest.
*****
Spike woke to James� slight motion in his arms as the little toddler clung to Spike. �What�s wrong, pet?� Spike asked, detecting a small tear.
�I hurt.� James whimpered, squirming against Spike.
�You hurt?� Spike frowned, lifting his head. �Where?�
�My hands hurt.� James complained. �They burn.�
*****
�Witch!� Spike bellowed, pounding on Willow�s door. �If you poisoned my son, I�ll-�
�You�ll what?� Willow frowned, appearing at the door. �What do you want, Spike?�
�Help?� Spike asked lamely, setting James down. �Jamie boy�s hurt.�
Willow knit her brow. �Ohh� okay. Of course. I-� James dashed into the room impatiently. �Invite you in.� Willow finished, and Spike stepped over the threshold. When the two found James he had gotten into Willow�s stash of Magickal supplies and had a pile of crystals in the middle of the bed where he sat, pondering each one.
�So what seems to be the matter, Jamie?� Willow asked, sitting on the bed so she was more his height.
�My hands hurt.� James repeated to her.
�Your hands?� Willow asked.
James nodded. �They burn and they hurt and they don�t feel right.�
�Hmm. Lemme take a look.� Willow requested, and James held out his little hands, each adorned with sore, red little fingers.
�What�s wrong with �im?� Spike asked.
�I have just the thing.� Willow told James, getting up and going into the bathroom. She retrieved a bottle of calamine lotion and returned to James. �He probably got into some poison ivy.� She told spike, squirting out some of the pink stuff and then applying it to James� hands. �It�s nothing serious, but he�ll be itchy. It should be gone in a few days as long as he doesn�t spread it. So don�t let him run around poking people.� She handed the bottle to Spike.
�Poison ivy?� Spike frowned, inspecting the bottle.
�Uh-huh.� Willow nodded. �There might be a patch around the cemetery. There�s no telling how kids can get into the trouble they do.�
James clapped his hands together, staring at the sickly pink color and then hopped off of the bed, impatiently inspecting the room, wanting to go back to the crypt and do something fun.
�Sure there�s not somethin� wrong with �im?� Spike asked, hardly able to give into the poison ivy idea.
�Nope.� Willow shook her head. �James is healthy and happy. And maybe a little hyper, but he�s only six so that�s expected. Just keep him away from the poison ivy. Unfortunately, you can never really keep James out of trouble forever.�
�Oh. Sorry to bug you.� Spike muttered.
�No, it okay. You�re just over reacting.� Willow said. �Seeing big problems where there�s only little itchy rashes. But, uh, just in case Jamie falls down and gets a little cut, you don�t have to rush him into the emergency room. Little kids aren�t used to being hurt. They think they�re invincible. Then comes the bruises and the waterworks.� Spike glared at the floor. Though his vampire complexion kept him from blushing, Willow could tell from the tic in his jaw that he was embarrassed. �It�s okay.� Willow repeated. �Good parents are the ones who are always nervous and overreacting. It�s the bad ones who relax too much and never care.�
�Don�t tell the Slayer.� Spike requested. �She�ll jump at the first chance she can to find any excuse to keep James for herself.�
�Oh, Spike, I don�t really-� Willow stopped short as Spike ignored her, picking up James from the doorway. �She just didn�t want to end up the teenage mother. It�s hard-�
�Yeah, I know exactly what she was thinking.� Spike said. �Can you do me a spell, Red?�
Willow blinked and sighed, shaking out the thoughts of Buffy and cleaning the palate. �I think. What do you need? Giles doesn�t really like me messing with nature and-�
�I just need one of those funny little spells you do.� He glanced at the door. �To revoke an invitation.�
Willow knit her brow. �You want to make it so� that you�re� disinvited, from a place? Can�t you just� not go there?�
�No, I want a border around my home. My place.� Spike said. �No one and nothing gets in but me an� the Nibblet without an invitation. Think you can manage?�
�I-I guess.� Willow stammered. �Would that include humans?�
�Everything.� Spike said. �No fair that only the Slayer gets that advantage.�
�Buffy didn�t revoke your invitation.� Willow objected.
�Can you do the spell or not?� Spike asked impatiently.
�Yeah, I-I think.� Willow stammered. �I�ll have to change some ingredients, but maybe I could do it if James was the owner of the place of residence and he invited you, but you�d have to be sure that he didn�t invite anything else in-�
�The rule doesn�t apply to demons.� Spike objected. �Write a sodding spell if you have to. No being can cross the threshold unless they have an invitation.�
�Oh. Okay.� Willow nodded. �I�ll see what I can do on that. But i-it might take a couple days, and there might be some technicalities.�
�You�re invited.� James informed Willow, clinging to Spike�s coat collar and receiving a glare. �What?� James pouted innocently. �She�s pretty.�
�Bloody hell, we�ll both be laid to rest if you keep chasing every bird you fancy.� Spike chided lightly.
Willow blushed. �I-I�d better try to figure out a way to write that spell. But, uh, th-thank you for the invitation, James.�
James smiled, then stuck his tongue out at Spike.
�Thanks, Red.� Spike ignored James.
�No problem.� Willow assured. �Bring Jamie by anytime. He�s a little ray of sunshine.� She pet James� head and he closed his eyes, enjoying the attention.
�Just wait.� Spike chuckled. �He can be a terror.�
�Grr.� James supplied happily, and Willow laughed, letting the vampire leave.
�You little brat,� Spike accused, carrying James back outside and then letting him walk on his own.
�She likes me.� James grinned happily, jumping up and down.
Spike rolled his eyes. �You were crying over a little itch on your bloody fingers. Quite the dashing young hero.�
�I�m not a hero. I�m evil!� James proclaimed. �And I don�t feel itchy.�
�Give it a moment.� Spike said. �You�ll be itchin� like hell.�
�Does hell itch?� James asked with a frown.
Spike studied and James and thought about this. �I think the furry ones do.� He answered, getting a giggle from his son. �Come on, brat. Let�s get you something sweet before we head home. Maybe a burger or a tasty young virgin.�
James giggled again, jumping over a crack in the sidewalk with stompy feet. �Daaddy?�
�Wha?�
�Do you think�that if I asks Willow, she�ll marry me?� James asked.
Spike chuckled for a moment as he walked, slowly realizing his son was expecting a level answer. �Maybe, pet. You�re a handsome little devil, but she�s already spoken for.�
�Oh.� James frowned. �Who�s her boyfriend?�
�Err� well, you know that real shy thing you met at the Magick Box when you first saw Willow?� Spike pondered.
�Tara an� �em are together?� James blinked, slightly sad but not freaked. �Tara�s nice. And she�s real pretty. Maybe they can both marry me.�
Spike laughed aloud, ruffling his child�s hair. �Now we�re getting greedy.�
James only grinned and jumped happily, stomping imaginary puddles. �Mommy!� He suddenly cried, something catching his eye.
Spike stopped short, looking and sniffing in confusion, but he didn�t hear, see, or smell anything in the Buffy variety. On his falter, James ran after the familiar scent and Spike had to chase after him. James ran a short distance and then stuck to Buffy�s leg, hugging her and making her gasp in surprise. Just as soon as Buffy had been attacked by the rampaging hugger, Spike caught up to pick James up, glaring at Buffy suspiciously while James giggled, thinking this was a fun time.
�Spike.� Buffy blinked. �What�re you doing on campus? With James��
�Er, well, you figure that the Nibblet�s gonna go going to school someday � someday soon � so he might as well get a feel for it.� Spike said quickly, setting James down near him but away from Buffy, grateful she hadn�t noticed that he�d visited Willow.
�Really?� Buffy looked surprised. �You�re going to send James to school? Doesn�t that cost money? And require an identity? You don�t exactly exist to the public eye.�
�Yeah, well, there�s still a lot of nummy treats scurrying about campus.� Spike smirked evilly. �The young ones taste better. And the pretty young girls would go wonkers for such a handsome young man.�
James giggled at the compliment pointed towards him, and Buffy�s face fell, hardly impressed by Spike�s behavior. �You�re a pig, Spike.�
�Nuh-uh, daddy�s a vampire.� James corrected. �Grr!�
�Someone seems to get it.� Spike commented dryly, trading his playful evil smirk to a scowl. �I don�t suppose you�re here to beg for forgiveness, either.�
Buffy opened her mouth to speak when Spike was tackled by a huge, strong figure. Spike yelped as he was crushed to the ground under the man�s weight, then snarled in rage as he was forced back to his feet in a headlock. �What the hell?� Buffy couldn�t help but blurt, taken off guard by Spike�s attacker.
�Let go of my daddy!� James cried, enunciating every word with an equal blow, pounding on the captor�s leg. The attacker made an annoyed cry from James� childish but hurtful hitting and dropped Spike, who was then tightly hugged by James.
�Riley!� Buffy barked, pushing her lumbering boyfriend a reasonable distance away while Spike righted himself. �What the hell are you doing?� Buffy demanded to her red-faced boyfriend, who seemed mad at Spike for some reason.
Riley seemed as though he had to forcibly pull his killer�s glare at Spike back to his girlfriend�s face. �I thought that was Hos-� He stopped himself, taking a good second to lower his tone. �Th-that strange guy. I thought he was attacking you.�
�You thought?� Buffy asked, looking between Spike and Riley, who both had glares locked on each other. �Where did you get that idea?�
�Well he� he looked dangerous.� Riley said, sounding for all the world like just an overreacting boyfriend.
�Oh, Riley.� Buffy shook her head. �Spike is � well, he�s nothing special.� She decided with an unintentional icy tone. �He ca- wouldn�t hurt anyone, even if he wanted to. Besides, he has a son.�
Riley looked uneasily at James, who stared back with hard, unblinking blue-green eyes. �I�m sorry.� He said, turning back to Buffy and clasping her hands to show he was sincere. �I just saw you with him and I got insanely jealous.�
�That�s the understatement of the year.� Spike muttered to only James� ears.
�Oh� it�s okay.� Buffy looked at Spike who held a predatory glare. �Spike isn�t hurt. Are you, Spike?�
Spike blinked and glanced at Buffy. �Course not. Despite nearly being crushed by the blundering walrus man.�
�Spike,� Buffy chided, and even James didn�t giggle at that joke, but stared at Riley. �He�s fine, Riley. Just really obnoxious. But it is sweet of you to be so protective of me.� She fluttered long lashes with a small coy smile at Riley and he smiled back.
�I�m sorry, little guy.� Riley repeated to James, squatting down to ruffle James� hair, but James didn�t move into it affectionately, rather he jerked away and clung to Spike�s leg. �Shy isn�t he?� Riley commented as he stood back up. �That�s never a good sign.� He glared at Spike in the eye for a moment, then turned back to Buffy with his friendly guise, taking her hand. Spike mentally noted that the tosser never once sent an apology to him, the real victim there. And something about the giant farm boy made Spike�s skin crawl.
�Bye, Spike.� Buffy said, with not so much friendliness as it seemed to be relieved of an unwanted conversation. She pulled Riley close as they walked, fingers laced. �I�m sorry Spike can be so rude.� Spike heard her say.
The blonde vampire�s fingers curled into a fist, just about the same time James� small hands gripped Spike�s pant leg tighter, still glaring after Riley. Spike sighed and picked up his child, having to forcibly break James� gaze, as if the staring alone would set Riley on fire or cause the overgrown bear of a teenager to suddenly have a heart attack and die. �What am I teaching you?� Spike mused sadly, though he did think that watching Riley spontaneously combust would be a sight to see. He could make s�mores.
James looked at Spike. �Who was that man with mommy?�
Spike sighed patiently. �Remember I told you about Willow and Tara? Buffy and� Riley are like that. They�re together.� Spike explained, rolling his eyes at the walrus� name.
�Why aren�t you and mommy together?� James asked, confused.
Spike got rid of the sad tones in his eyes. �Mommy�s just a bitch.�
�What does that mean?� James frowned.
�It means that she�s a hateful little wench who�ll date every pillock except me to prove in some twisted turn of logic that I�m too disgusting for anyone to ever have or love, though I�m clearly the best thing she has going for her.� Spike grumbled angrily. �It means she�s a mean, bad person.� He summed for his poor confused little boy. �And she�s dating the king of all jerks.�
�I don�t like him.� James confided to Spike, clinging to his daddy�s duster. �He scares me, and he doesn�t look nice at all.�
�Yeah, well that makes two of us.� Spike said. �Slayer�s got a shitty taste in men. Can�t even see a good thing when she�s got it.� He brushed James� hair into its proper formation, which had been destroyed when Riley�s ham-sized mitts tried to touch his son. �Come on, pet. No since obsessing over women we can�t ever have.�
�What about Willow?� James asked.
�Well, I guess Red only takes a little convincing.� Spike chuckled. �But I�ll tell you what; the day you get Willow to marry you I�ll marry Tara.�
�Okay.� James smiled as Spike chuckled and ruffled his child�s hair. �Then we can have a biiig house with lotses of room to play.�
Spike laughed and nodded. �That�ll be the day. But maybe tomorrow I can show you what kitten poker�s all about.�
�Okay.� James agreed, not knowing what kitten poker was, except maybe it involved poking some small felines, and he didn�t exactly feel like poking a poor little fur ball. And didn�t Willow tell him not to poke anything?
But apparently, it didn�t matter, because the next day didn�t go like Spike would�ve planned.