Something New
Chapter 11
Something New
Chapter 11
�It�s about time, you big freak.� Buffy said when Spike finally set her down in her living room.
Spike was smiling, satisfied with himself. �I forced you over the threshold. In some countries you�re legally married to me now.�
�Oh. Too bad you didn�t know that the house has to be built in that country.� Buffy retorted. �So carrying me all the way home only saved me from having to walk and wasted your energy.�
�Fun enough just to listen to you scream obscenities half the way.�
�They weren�t obscenities, they were just plain threats.� Buffy said. �And consider yourself back in your debt hole.�
�And here I thought I was almost out.�
�Yeah, well you�d better start working for your freedom.� Buffy teased.
�Should I get the collar?�
*****
�I don�t care what you say, I wanna watch it!� Jamie cried.
�Hey, hey, knock it off you two. What�s going on?� Spike snatched the remote out from between the two feuding children.
�Einstein wants to watch that.� Dawn said, pointing at the TV accusingly, where a horror movie was playing.
�The Fly?� Spike grimaced, not wanting Jamie to see that. �How about we watch something scarier?� He flipped it to a milder movie about a monster-sized alligator, satisfied when he saw a shot of water bubbling up fake �blood�, which was clearly red paint.
�Cool,� James crawled up to the screen to watch the woman scream hysterically, totally absorbed. �This is much betterer than that other lame movie. Told ya I�s could watch scary stuffs, Dawn.�
Dawn looked at Spike, not entirely happy, but impressed. �You�re very crafty.�
�The Fly was a little too much for everyone the first time.� Spike replied. �Looked tasty; but flies? Ew.�
�Whatever.� Dawn sighed. �And if James thinks that there�s an alligator in the bathtub now, he�s staying in your bed.�
�I�ll just tell him that the alligators don�t go in your room because you�re a girl.� Spike retorted.
Dawn gasped, insulted. �You can�t do that. I�ll make him sleep in Buffy�s room.�
�Alligators only spare little girls.� Spike smirked.
�Fine.� Dawn caved. �You�re very smart, Mr. Spike.�
�Nice doing business with you, Miss Dawn.� Spike replied, going back to his cup of bloody Weetabix.
�Did you get an eyeful of Buffy�s tongue down her boyfriend�s throat, too?� Dawn asked.
�Earful, actually.� Spike replied, disgusted. �Bad images, by the way.�
�Could you just die?� Dawn asked, sitting on the couch and resting her head on her arms on the back of the couch, looking at him. �I mean, it�s so gross.�
�One day you�re gonna like boys.� Spike said. �And you�ll go out of your way to try to make sure that you�re the only one who gets to put your tongue down their throats.�
�EWWW!!!�
�It�s true.�
�Why do people even do that?� Dawn shuddered. �There�s no way that anyone could ever love someone so much that they wanna just taste their saliva for half an hour. It�s not sanitary.�
�Doesn�t seem like it would be.� Spike agreed.
�So why do they do it?� Dawn asked again.
�I dunno. Love�s a funny thing. Try to figure it out yourself when you fall in love with someone.�
�Boys are gross.� Dawn made a face.
�And then they turn into teenage boys.� Spike mused. �You�re about that age. They�ll all start looking better and better, but some not so much. And all the other girls start dating.�
�So as soon as the guys get hair on their chests we have to start drooling all over them?� Dawn asked. �Cause that�s not very logical.�
�No. There�s only one thing you need to know about boys. Boy are evil. Every single one. They�re evil and they�re pigs, as soon as they start puberty. They all turn into assholes and the only thing they want to do more than play with their weird pigskin football is to get pretty little girls like you to try to do bad things with them. So if any of them ever starts to hassle you or tries to get you to smoke or remove any articles of clothing, run away and tell me, and I�ll personally make sure that his development is set back a few years.�
�I don�t think Buffy would approve of that.�
�Of course not. This is just for you and me.� Spike said. �Special promise from me.�
�That�s like, a gazillion dollars.� James told Dawn in a whisper, like Spike�s promise was a very special, sacred thing.
�Sure, whatever Spawn.�
*****
�Buffy!� Dawn screamed, running away.
�Dawn, don�t scream.� Buffy scolded, coming downstairs already, smoothing out her red top and smiling when she saw Riley at the door. �Hey.�
�Hey.� Riley smiled back, looking over Buffy�s skirt and her hair.
�You like?�
�You�re a vision.� Riley assured her, and Buffy looked flattered.
�So��
�Soo��
Buffy and Riley almost kissed, but Dawn made a sound of disgust, running away to the kitchen and Buffy knew she was going to tell Spike in extreme details. �Um, why don�t we just go?�
�Sure.� Riley agreed, grabbing her hand and they left.
*****
�And they were all, like, drooling all over each other.� Dawn said. �And Riley was totally checking for cleavage. Can you believe that?�
�What�re you even talking about?� James asked, hoping off of the chair and running downstairs to find his father.
�Ugh.�
�Daddy, Dawn�s saying things again.� James complained, climbing onto the bed and sitting down. �Can�t we get her a muzzler?�
�Ha.� Spike ruffled James� hair and went back to polishing a sword.
�What�s that thingy?� James asked, sitting up and peering over Spike�s shoulder in interest.
�Not for little boys to be touching.� Spike replied, breathing onto the metal and shining it.
�I won�t touch it.� Jamie pouted.
Spike sighed and held it out in two hands. �Get it out now, but don�t touch the edges.�
James gleefully ran a small finger over the metal, awed by the cold smoothness.
�Satisfied? No sneaking down �ere later and cutting off your fingers?�
James nodded, and Spike went back to cleaning it up. �Why�d ya do that? To make it shinier?�
�Partly.� Spike said. �Also have to keep �em sharp. Good for cutting. And you don�t get to ever touch anything like this again, got it? No axes, daggers, crossbows, swords, maces, or anything relatively sharp. Understand?�
�No.�
�Let�s just say if you even touch the edge of this blade as soft as possible,� Spike lifted the sword, reaching to the edge to show James, and pressing a finger onto the edge, sliding it down as light as a caress, then showed him his hand. �You�ll cut yourself.�
�You�re bleeding.�
�It�s just a nick.� Spike assured, sucking the blood off of his finger. �I heal quickly.�
�Do I heal quick?� Jamie asked.
�No.� Spike lied, not certain, but not wanting to find out. �Only big vampires can heal. Little ones just bleed.�
James looked scared. �Am I a little vampire?�
�Somewhere in the middle. But human.� Spike frowned. �Why don�t you go upstairs and see if Dawn�ll give you one of those cookies?�
�I don�t wanna see Dawn.� James complained. �All she talks about is kissing.�
�Does she?�
�Uh-huh.� James said. �And she�s gross. She was talking �bouts Riley, but I�s hid when he came. I don�t likes him.�
�That makes two of us, pet.� Spike said. �Now what was she talking about exactly?�
�Kisses and Buffy an� Riley-Ugly-Pants.� James said, scrunching up his nose.
�That name will make him break into tears.� Spike chuckled. �Let�s go find her, eh?�
�Alright, but I�ll get my cookie without her.� James said, jumping off of the bed and running back upstairs. He went into the kitchen and went over to the counter, trying to reach the cookies, then stood on a chair, reaching into the cookie jar.
�Careful, bit.� Spike said, scooping James up and setting him on the floor, giving him his cookie.
�Spike.� Dawn said, finding him and folding her arms. �Guess what I saw with my own two eyes.�
�And with my own two ears I heard James tell me you were talking about kissing.� Spike gave her a look, pushing the chair back.
�Ugh. Little kids don�t understand anything.� Dawn said. �Riley came and picked up Buffy for their date. Every time they go out, it�s disgusting groping make-out fest. She was wearing this totally slutty little skirt and he was, like, drooling all over her. Plus her breasts were totally showing. Mom would never let me wear anything like that.�
�And she�d never let you talk about your sis like that.� Spike said. �You can�t say slut.�
�Ugh!� Dawn complained. �But you�re supposed to be the cool one.�
�I am. And I won�t say a word. Just this once. Call Buffy a slut or anything else and I will make you write a formal apology.�
�That�s not fair!� Dawn whined.
�It is. You�re only 13, and you should never disrespect your sister. She�s the only one you�ve got.�
�I could always just buy another.� Dawn muttered under her breath, walking away with a huff of annoyance.
Spike sighed. �What�s wrong with that girl?�
�She�s a poop-head.� James said. �The rest are pretty and good. Like Willow.�
�You really like Willow, don�t you?�
�She�s pretty, and her hair is cool.� James replied, happily eating cookie.
Spike shook his head. �Do you know her last name?�
James stopped and frowned. �No. What name did she have before Willow?�
*****
Buffy came home in a fluster, quickly tossing off her coat.
�Back early.� Spike commented. �Did you enjoy your nice snog?�
�Ew, that better not be British slang for-�
�Kissing.�
�I didn�t kiss Riley. And why are you all puffed up? You were right there when he asked me to go out.�
�Right. Played the part, too. Dawn says interesting things about Riley.�
�Well Dawn is a little snot-nosed brat.� Buffy retorted. �I didn�t kiss Riley, I had to leave early.�
�Huh. Why?�
�I � I, uh �� Buffy shied back. �Um, Spike, can you do me a big, big favor?�
�How big?� Spike asked, eyeing her, then raised an eyebrow and inhaled, staring her down.
Buffy paled. �Spike, don�t even � huge, huge, favor. Please? Pretty please?�
*****
�Um, Giles,� Xander said. �Scooby meeting, right? With Scoobies? All Scoobies?�
�Uh, yes, Xander.� Giles said.
�Then where is Buffy? No Buffy, no Slayer, no Scoobies.� Xander empathized.
�Yeah!� Willow panicked. �We�re just a bunch of dumb kids and a retired librarian whispering about freaky fairytale creatures. S-sorry, Giles. I don�t mean that.�
�I�m sure Buffy will be here shortly.� Giles looked over his book. �She�s always late, that girl.�
�Well it�s not like Buffy to be half an hour late.� Willow said. �To class, sure, but not a Scooby meeting. She could�ve gotten kidnapped by evil cultist demons who need her for a sacrifice to use her blood to open up a portal to a hell dimension!�
�I-I�m sure that she just got hung up.� Tara stammered, still worried. �You know, a house with two kids and a dysfunctional vampire.�
�Or maybe she had to slay something on the way.� Xander added. �A big fight, a few more vampires than normal � oh, man! She could be hurt! We should check the cemeteries.�
�Xander, there are dozens of cemeteries in Sunnydale.� Giles reasoned. �Due to the abnormal death rate. And people keep coming. And there are at least three cemeteries between here and her home.�
�Exactly.� Xander said.
�Can�t we at least call her and see if she�s just late?� Tara suggested.
�Yes, yes, good idea.� Giles said, going to the phone and beginning to dial in Buffy�s number.
Willow frowned at Tara. �It�s not like Buffy not to show-�
The door opened and Spike came inside. �Right. Agenda one, Scooby Meeting. You poor sods better have something useful to discuss.� He walked over to the table, pulled out a seat and sat down with a heavy sigh, then looked at Giles at the Watcher hung up the phone, and he tried to look attentive. �What? Am I late?�
�Among other things.�
�What in the unholy hell happened to you, Spike?� Xander asked, gesturing to Spike�s hair and clothes. He was wearing one of his black T�s with his red shirt, and normal pants.
�What?�
�Wow,� Willow smiled at Spike�s hair. �I like the new haircut.�
Tara nodded. �I-is that your natural color? C-cause it�s good.�
�Yeah, Joyce did it.� Spike said. �It�s a disguise, clearly. Now are we actually doing anything important besides fashion tips, cause, darn it, I left my notes at home. Can I go kill something now? Having to deal with you lot wasn�t on the agenda.�
�You have an agenda?�
�Where is Buffy?� Giles asked Spike.
�Oh, I know this one. She isn�t coming.�
�Why not? Is she sick?�
�Of you lot?� Spike snickered. �No. She�s just watching the lil� uns, and she said I have to work off my month�s rent. You gonna make me do something now? Like killing things? Bad demons, grr? Do you still do that sort of thing?�
�Yes, Spike, we do.� Giles said irritably. �And I must say, you�re quite a lot different than how you used to be.�
Spike looked at himself, seeing nothing wrong. �I think it�s just the bleach, Watcher. See? Disguise is working. So now that we�ve taken attendance, I�ll go now and actually do my job description.�
�You have a job description?�
�Can it, Harris.�
�Oh, I�m so scared of the wussy vampire. What�re you going to do, paint my toenails to the wall?� Xander taunted, and Spike stood up angrily.
�Xander, that is enough.� Giles snapped.
�What? I�m just playing.� Xander made a face. �But the only thing Spike ever does is come crying to us for help.�
�You know what, screw you Harris! I did Buffy a big favor even coming out here tonight, cause I don�t want anything to do with you, and I don�t even know what she sees in you to begin with.� Spike snarled. �Because you�re nothing but a selfish, conceited, disgusting, bitchy, whiny little twat. And I hate you all. No, that�s not true, cause Rupert�s okay, Tara�s quiet, and Willow is a sweet girl. So it�s just you. Excuse me, but I have to go do something other than rally with the Girl Scouts.� He rolled his eyes and left, picking up an ax as he exited.
Xander looked disgusted. �Can you believe him?�
�Xander,� Willow said quietly. �You�ve never really said anything good about Spike.�
�I � I�ve had him as a roommate.� Xander said. �And he doesn�t do anything. He can�t even do laundry right.�
�Well, you did tie him up half of the time.� Willow pointed out.
�Because he was skipping rope with people�s intestines in the 1900�s!� Xander cried. �Did you forget that he�s a vampire?�
�No, I didn�t, but Xander, he�s different now, and there are a lot worse vampires out there.�
�Like who?� Xander challenged.
�Like Angelus.� Giles said. �William the Bloody never stalked his prey or toyed with them for months or associated a personal relationship with them. William just hunted for food.�
�And Slayers.� Xander asserted. �What? Okay. Okay, you know what? Fine. Have it your way. If you want me on the crazy train, I�m all aboard the crazy train! But if Spike�s the conductor, I�m getting off before we all die.�
�I think you�re being too drastic.� Willow said. �A-and the train metaphor is weird.�
�Fine. Spike is god and the whole universe revolves around him.� Xander huffed. �Remind me to bow down before His Royal Highness. And to get him a crown.�
�Xander, being sarcastic isn�t being nice.� Willow said.
�Fine. Shutting up.� Xander angrily turned away, trying to look busy in a textbook.
*****
�How many?� Buffy asked when Spike got home, covered in bruises, some demon slime and dust.
�Two demons, five vamps.� Spike said, brushing off his shirt.
�Good. That�s three for each demon and two for each vampire, so $16.� Buffy looked at her receipt. �You still owe me� $167.�
�You�re kidding.�
�Nope.� Buffy said, making a mark on her paper. �Clothes are expensive, Spike. And that�s just the clothes. I own you.� She laughed at this, enjoying herself. �Did you get the stuff that I asked for?�
�Here�s your bloody stuff.� Spike said disgustedly, tossing her the bag.
�And that�s twenty off of your tab.� Buffy smiled, holding out her hand for the change.
Spike sighed, giving her the left over dollars and cents. �You know, I should get a little extra. I told you I wouldn�t buy any bloody feminine things for you. Plus, I had to deal with your sodding friends. What do you even see in Xander, anyway? He�s a bloody pain. And I do mean asshole.�
�He�s nice to me.� Buffy shrugged.
�Yeah, well, bitch him out, and not me.� Spike said. �Cause your slave�s done his tasks.�
�Yes he has.� Buffy agreed. �And you�re right. I�ll give you thirty. But you still owe me $137 dollars.�
�You sure like me owing you, don�t you?�
�Yes I do.� Buffy agreed happily.
�How long are you gonna be all sugary and happy?� Spike asked cautiously. �Cause if you feel in a sour mood, I�ll go in the basement for the day.�
�I think that I�ll last as long as I�m not pestered.� Buffy said. �But you can never tell with these things.�
�Right.� Spike agreed, still eyeing her.
�Thanks for taking over my Slaying.� Buffy added.
�Yeah, well, I think that a Slayer with PMS is overkill.� Spike said. �Or just enough kill. But no pointy weapons around the beloved vampire, hey?�
�My mom values you, I�ll try to resist the urge to grab sharp things and try to plunge them into your heart.� Buffy promised.
�Good.� Spike said. �So, uh, good luck with this all.�
�Wait. Stay. Eat chocolate.� Buffy dug into the bag, offering a candy bar. �Peace treaty? And from this point on, for about a week, don�t try anything I may say � or scream � too seriously.�
Spike tenderly took the chocolate bar, and sat down, though a foot apart from her. �So did I work enough tonight, Master?�
�Oh. Yes.� Buffy said, through chocolate. �You can have your blood, Spike. No troubles.�
�Ah, good.� Spike hungrily got up and went into the kitchen, opening a bag of blood and heating it up. He waited, watching the mug go in circles while the microwave hummed, then after eternity it beeped and Spike took out the blood, drinking in relief.
�If you�re that hungry, you can have a blood packet without my consent.� Buffy said. �Cause starving yourself is stupid.�
�Had blood this morning. I�m just hungry.� Spike said. �Usually when I hunt things I get to eat them, too. But this is okay.�
�What does blood taste like?�
Spike took a drink of the blood, considering this. �Kind of salty. Hot, too, and tangy. Human blood tastes better than pig scum, though. Guess it�s just a vampire thing.�
�Yeah. I guess so.� Buffy agreed.
�I think it�s just addicting. Not sure why we like it. It�s the nice warm gush when you first bite into�� He stopped himself from the captivating remembrance of a kill, sitting down instead. �Tastes, good, anyway. Kind of like those tasteless, slimy burgers everyone eats but they don�t know why.�
�Or chocolate.� Buffy said. �But chocolate tastes good.�
�Might wanna hide these from the little �uns.� Spike considered, unwrapping his candy bar and trying a piece.
�Um,� Buffy giggled, her mouth full of chocolate. �You might wanna get some more tomorrow. Chocolate equals happy Slayer.�
�I�ll remember that.� Spike agreed. ��Specially since I don�t care to be dust.�
�I�m gonna go put these in a safe place.� Buffy said, taking the bag upstairs to squirrel the items away.