Hey reader type people! I would like to thank:

Ladyof Rivendell
freelance beatnik- thank you very much 4 reviewing!
my aol buddy, LOTRwolf. i think she might have reviewed acouple times but i can't remember
just annother stupid idiot, i think he reviews something else.....
musicluver7190- hey, i finished 'Red Scarf Girl' so you gotta pick that up soon
and thanks to any other nice person who review but i'm too stupid to think of -

and now for whats happening for those people out there who's forgoten.

Eowyn: I don't know, who is forgoten?
ESM: Probably some German.

Naurien went with Boromir to find Merry and Pippin after they went running off, Boromir never attacked Frodo.

Boromir: I think I like this story better...
ESM: ::glares::
Boromir: ::winces:: Or maybe not.

Naurien tripped on a root and the orcs laughed at her when she fell.

Gimli: We didn't.
Elladan: Nobody said we did.
Gimli: I didn't say we did!
Eowyn: Will you guys focus?!
Elladan: ::crosses eyes to annoy Eowyn::
Eowyn: Argh.

She got captured by uruks and by this time thinks Boromir is dead and she is going to die before they get to the Rohirim, so she is making fun of the orcs!

ESM: Yep, get as many laughs out of life as you can before you're snuffed out.
Boromir: I have a confesson to make. Now that I'm sure she's still alive, I don't love that Uruk anymore.
Eowyn: We're glad you're back to normal, Borry dear.

Also, a sneak preview of how Delta and Griffin turn up in Middle -Earth!

Boromir: Mistress of the art of suspense this girl is not.

And justa let you all know, I have a new fic up , called, The girl of Morgul and Isenguard!

ESM: I looked, it's not there.
Elladan: Ah-ha! False advertising!

Disclaimer;

ESM: She uses semi-colons?

I own them all!!!

Gimli: ::glumly:: Then why bother.

wuahahahahahahaha!!!!!! ::stands on chair laughing maniacly::
Boromir; no you don't
me; yes i do. ::in a creepy voice, hugging the PC::
Boromir; ::slowly backs away::

Eowyn: That's silly.

Delta and Griffin...or should i say..Barathon and Carsuithon

ESM: I am very smart, and have come to the conclusion that the above...noise...is the title!
Elladan: ::cheers::
ESM: ::drily:: You're mocking me.
Elladan: You're right.

Naurien opened her eyes lightly,

Gimli: We'll be needing a demonstration of that, too.

and sat up. At least thats what she tried to do but she fell over almost immediatly.

ESM: I think Naurien has movie Frodo's balance problem.

Her back hurt terrible, like someone tried to put an arrow through her back and her head felt like it got hit with a hammer.

Elladan: Would you like to try to describe the pain in a way that a typical living person could relate to?

She blinked a few times, and saw Merry and Pippin next to her. Pippin was awake. The orcs came over and cut their bounds on their legs, so they could run. One of them sat her up and thrust a flask halfway down her throat and poured some burning liquid down it. It tasted discusting,

Boromir: I think...what does that mean, Elladan?
Elladan: My guess is that it tasted like it talks or discusses.

and Naurien coughed up half of it, which dribbled all down her face. "Ugh, thas discustin'. " she said miserably and hardly,

Gimli: "miserably and hardly"? I doubt it.

because of the taste of the draught of the orcs. At least the pain was gone.

ESM: Yes, but they should have put that salve on your arrow wound. Or did they do it when you weren't awake?
Eowyn: Probably. She'd be dead if they hadn't stopped and tended the wound long before.
ESM: Well, at least she'll have an ugly scar there for the rest of her life.

"Tolkien clearly had no idea what he was talking about when he wrote this part.

ESM: ::shrieks and goes into a frightening frenzy::
Eowyn: ::screams at ESM's disturbing (to say the least) behavior::
Boromir: ::jumps out of his seat:: Hi! Elladan, Gimli, hold her down!
Eowyn: ::continues screaming::
ESM: ::wakes up from nervous breakdown, still quivering from exhaustion:: Water...
Eowyn: ::nervously helps ESM sip her water::
Gimli: ::sternly:: What was all that about?
ESM: ::lifts finger weakly towards the screen:: That last...impudent...insufferable...abomination...::looks around wildly and starts to rave:: How dare she say that! Tolkien! Knew it! I'll kill the Sue! bloody demon from hell! I will! I will! I'll tear her apart and leave her to dry on a clothesline...
Boromir: Duct tape.
ESM: ::sees Elladan whip out duct tape and sits up straight:: No! Not again! I'm fine and happy, really. Lalalala. See?
Boromir: Now behave, or we WILL use the tape again.
ESM: ::sits meekly in her seat sipping lemonade::

The smell of the orcs. The taste of the draught. The hard metal armor

Boromir: ::drily:: I don't suppose it could have been soft wood armor.

of the orcs that they were carried on.

Gimli: The terrible grammar of this story.

They delt with Pippin and Merry, and then they talked for a bit.

Eowyn: I would think the orcs would quarrel, not talk.

"Hey Pippin, how are you?" she slurred it slightly like she was drunk.
"I have a headache and I'm worried about Merry."

Elladan: I'm worried about Essie!

"Aren't we all," she said back.

Eowyn: Yes.

Then she heard, " Hullo Pippin! So you've come on this little expedition too? Where do we get bed and breakfast?"

Boromir: ::smiling:: You gotta love those hobbits.

"That would be nice, I could do with a nice hot bath as well," she added with a laugh.

Gimli: Aw, she didn't even say hello. Just went off thinking about herself

"Now then," said the orc chief, "None of that! Hold your tongues. No talk to one another. Any trouble will be reported at the other end, and he'll know how to pay you." the hobbits were scared, but Naurien was far from it.

Elladan: ::bitterly:: You Sue.

Pippin saw her and thought, 'Oh no, she's gonna do something rash, I know it.'
"You'll get bed and breakfast all right-" But he was cut off.

ESM: (orc chieftain) Hello? Hello? Operator, what's going on? Operator? Why was I cut off?

"What about second breakfast?" asked Naurien curiously.
" Or elevensies?" said Pippin joining in, hoping she�ll get in less trouble.
"Luncheon?" asked Merry just to be funny and not a help.
"Afternoon tea?" continued Naurien.
"Dinner?" Pippin asked desperately.
"Supper?" said Merry.
She gave a fake gasp. "I don't think he knows about any of those." stated Naurien darkly.
"Done?" asked the uruk, he knew that he wouldn�t be able to control if she talked or not.

Boromir: Too bad they didn't have duct tape.
ESM: ::whimpers::

"Yes! Yes we are!" she said happily.

Eowyn: Yep. I would be happy too if I had just been shot in the back, clunked on the head, carried recklessly for miles, had some vile draught forced down my throat, thought my boyfriend was dead, had no way to get home, and faced almost certain death. I would be very happy.

They picked her up by the scruff of the neck,

Elladan: ::shudders:: I don't think there would be much scruff left once they were through picking her up.
ESM: Not that there was much scruff there in the first place.

and then, they had to run.

ESM: for a touchdown. Unfortunately, they were going towards the wrong goal...

on some random field where the rohirim are

Gimli: Some sort of delineation of title and story would be appreciated.
Boromir: Or, we could simply do without the occasional employment of scripting to tell us when the scene suddenly changes.

"We get ready to attack them tonight." said �omer. "The uruks should all be dead by tomorow morning."

ESM: (Eomer) I have a plan!

He went to his tent but heard the shouts of his men which drew him out.

Eowyn: like a magnet.

An enormous stallion was coming into camp, right to his tent.

Gimli: The horse's tent?

He was so large, �omer guessed that he could probably walk under him wtihout crouching down,

ESM: ::blinks emphatically:: Eowyn, is your brother a hobbit too?
Eowyn: No!

his legs were long,

Boromir: No kidding?

and his neck stood tall and proud. He was a chocolatey brown, with a black mane, tail, legs, and shoulders. A white strip went down his face, larger in the midst of his eyes upon his forehead, thin in the middle of his delicately sculptured nose,

ESM: Good grief, it's a horse Mary Sue!

and it went all the way to between his nostrils and the bottom of his top lip. He wore a large pack behind his saddle. Then, out of the pack, a tiny head poked out and looked around. It looked like a dog's head to �omer, but a mix with a rat.

Boromir: Now THAT would be an interesting animal.
ESM: I think it's a chihuahua.

It was fuzzy and mediem brown colored. It broke him out of his stupor, when it barked, it was high pitched a yappy. �omer raised his eyebrows at the two of them. The horse neighed loudly at him and then, he laid down as if to say, �I�m staying here with you till I find my master.�

The funny thing was, that did go through �omer�s mind. He jumped back in suprise, and then, he knelt down in respect.

Eowyn: Knelt?

He was one of the Mearas.

Gimli: Eomer was? I thought Mearas were horses.

(for the idiots who didn�t read the book or anything, the mearas, are the horse-lords. example:shadowfax)

ESM: For the snobs who read the books and decided they knew everything, the Mearas were NOT twice as tall as an ordinary horse.
Eowyn: Nor were they horses from "regular earth" that fell into Middle-Earth.
ESM: And FURTHERMORE, a Mearas could only be ridden by a King of the Mark or his sons, with the sole exception of Gandalf.

Some of the Mearas had the power to speak in their rider�s mind.

ESM: Where did you hear that?
Eowyn: They could understand human speech, but I never heard from a trustworthy source that they engaged in telepathy!

�My master

Elladan: oo, so Naurien is actually a male?

is with the uruks. I will go with you.� he thought to �omer.

ESM: ::sniggers:: "He thought to Eomer". Ha.

He nodded and continued preperation.

Elladan: Who's "he"?
Eowyn: Did he continue his "preperation" while on his knees before the monstrosity?

�In the meanwhile, call me Barathor.�

Eowyn: Ah. Name of a King of the Mark.
ESM: I tell you, it's a Mary Sue horse!

again, with Naurien, Merry and Pippin

Gimli: I give up.

Naurien, tried to keep walking, to keep up with the uruks was inmpossible, but it seemed, that whenever she tried to draw a breath,

ESM: An unnecessary comma would impede her respiration.

her windpipe would seal shut. She fell down.

Boromir: All together now: Awwww.

Merry and Pippin cried out.

ESM: Way cool! The Sue is dying!

�Get up,� one of them groweled trying to bring her up by her hair.

Eowyn: One of the hobbits?!

She went into a coughing fit after she tried to say, �Get your hands out of my hair you stinking bastard...�

ESM: Yeah, I'd start coughing too if I'd just tried to use language like that.

On her knees, she struggled to take a breath. The orcs just stared at her, not moving to help.

Elladan: Which was rather odd, seeing how a Mary Sue would have been an instrument of torture very pleasing to whatever evil lord they were serving.

After a couple more coughs , she got a load of life giving oxygen, then she slumped forward, passing out.

ESM: ::raises an eyebrow:: She takes a breath and THEN passes out?

back with A,L,B, and G,

Boromir: Who?
ESM: I think they must be the letters of the alphabet Naurien was introducing the hobbits to back in Lorien. Perhaps the favorites?

�I wonder if they are still alive....� mumbled Gimli. They had stopped for a

Eowyn: bit of steak and eggs.

moment of rest.

�Shut up you stupid dwarf!

Eowyn/ESM: ::aghast:: Boromir!
Gimli: ::feigning hurt feelings:: How could you?
Boromir: Hey, that's not me! It's...not me. I'm dead, remember?

You�ve been saying that every five minutes for the past three days!!� shouted Boromir.

ESM: hmm, that's...that's only 864 times, Boromir. Why are you so angry? ::grins::

In his mind, he began to believe that they weren�t.

Gimli: In his right foot, however, he didn't believe they were at all.

�Stop it! We must not fight among ourselves. Leave your anger for when we catch up to them!� said Legolas.

Elladan: Snobby know-it-all Legolas. Makes me ill.

Boromir sighed, he knew that Naurien couldn�t handle conditions like that.

ESM: Only unconditional terms would do.
Eowyn: So let the anger run high now!
Elladan: I think you two are absolutely crazy.
ESM: ::cheerily:: Thank you! I think so too!

She would perish...

Boromir: but that would be getting my hopes up too high. Perhaps she's only paralyzed and comatose.

and he would be alone in the world.

Eowyn: ::howling:: All ALLLOOOONE! Because if Naurien died, the reason for the rest of the world's existence would disappear.

He pondered

ESM: Not to be nosy or anything, but, pondered what?

while staring at the pendant that she had given him.

Boromir: Perhaps if I got someone to poison the pendant and then made a show of giving it back to her as a symbol of my promise to marry her...
Eowyn: Eek! What a villain you can be!
Boromir: Oh, now my feelings are hurt.
ESM: Can you really hurt a dead man's feelings?
Boromir: I'm not going to answer that.

They had only kissed once

ESM: too often.

and only known each other for a few months, but they had pretty much fallen for each other.

Boromir: ::near to tears:: I had no choice! No one can resist a Sue!

If she had made it through, he would have asked her to marry him.... The others left him alone

Gimli: for the pathetic victim of a Sue that he was.

, because he was grieving.

Elladan: Why, what charming friends. Aren't they supposed to be cheering him up?!

(awwwwww::sniffsniff::)

Eowyn: Here doggie! Want a nice mutton bone?
Elladan: ::shakes head in despair::

back with Naurien, again

Boromir: I hope she's dead.
ESM: No, you wish she's dead. There is no hope of such a benevolent fact.

�Ughhhhh..� she was lying down by a tree, and half-asleep.

Gimli: She was also half-awake. Don't be such a pessimist.
Boromir: In my case the half-asleep would be the good part.
ESM: What if you stumbled across her asleep and were made to kiss her awake?
Boromir: ::sighs:: I guess you can't win.

She saw the light through her eyelids, it was daytime(::hinthint::, the battle already happened, but she slept through it lol)

ESM: ::angrily:: Yes, we are so dumb, we need your little "hinthint"s all the time to tell us what's going on!

Something fuzzy touched her nose,

ESM: It was a Muppet.

whatever it was, it was big, what was it though?

Gimli: I know. What's big, and fuzzy and touches noses?
Eowyn: A horse.

It flapped,

Eowyn: Birds aren't fuzzy.
Gimli: And horses don't flap.
Elladan: Maybe it's a giant bat, like the disguise of Luthien.

and went over her nose, then, lipped at her hair. Then,

ESM: I've really had it with the word 'then' in this fic. And the random commas.
Elladan: Does that mean SHE has come close to her goal of finding The One Fic that will drive the world insane?
ESM: No, because I'm already insane.

an ear-peircing whinny broke the silence. �Oh, I must have taken Delta camping, Alright, alright I�m up, I�m up.�

Boromir: Yes, that's right, you just went camping. You're not really in Middle-Earth, and that "arrow-wound' in your back is just a sore spot from lying on a tree root!

She sat up and rubbed her eyes. But what she expected to see, was not in front of her. She was propped up against something warm, and furry, but she was to lazy to see what it was.

Elladan: I motion to declare today Braincell Conservation Awareness Day.
ESM: That was randomly situated, but I second the motion.

Men ran around, picking up orc bodies, and putting them in a pile. A voice sounded behind her, �You�re finally awake.�

Eowyn: (Voice, sinisterly) Now we can begin the long, slow business of your annihilation.

She whipped around, her back in much resistance,

ESM: I know what you're trying to say there, but, you didn't say it.

and saw the third marshal of the riddermark, �oh...hi �omer...�

ESM: Just curious, do all the characters look like the ones in the movie, and that's why she can recognize them all at a glance?

she turned back around and just sat there, watching him. He gave a strange look.

Boromir: What kind of strange look?
Gimli: Who did he give it to?
ESM: How much did it cost?

�We need to tend to your wounds, my lady.�

�What wounds?� she asked stupidly.

He raised an eyebrow. �Mabey, the one here,� he touched the arrow hole in my back

Elladan: Yeah! We knew it was a self-insertion!
ESM: Hasn't the "arrow hole" become infected yet? It's been three days.
Elladan: She's an Elf...
Gimli: A sixteen-year-old Elf...

(�owww!!!) �and here,� he touched the side of my leg, which had a large, ugly looking whip mark,

� Now how�d that get there?�

ESM: (bad Mississippian accent) Special delivery, ma'am.

She stared at the man and asked drunkenly, �Why d�you even want to help me? I mean, don�t you usually ask for a name or something first?�

Boromir: (Eomer) I'm afraid to ask Sues for their names. They're usually monstrous and unpronounceable anyway.

�You�re a lady in need. And Barathon told me that you are

Eowyn: (Eomer) Wanted for every crime in the book.
Boromir: Plus a few so obscure yet obscene they never made it to the book.

his master.� he said gently.
�Huh?� she said stupidly

Elladan: but alas, it was all part of her ploy to catch Eomer off his guard.

. She looked around. �Who is Barathon?�

Eowyn: A king. He's dead though.

�Your horse,� he stated simply.

ESM: By the time this fic is finished, there will be enough states to make the USA's fifty's pale in comparison.
Elladan: What happend to Braincell Conservation awareness day?
ESM: How can I be aware of the day when I have barely enough left to read this fic?

She furrowed her eyebrows,

Elladan: That I have GOT to see.

�My horse�s name is Delta.�

Boromir: That's right...remember, you're just on a camping trip, the hole in your back is just from sleeping on a tree root, and this guy who's talking nonsense to you is a psycho left over from the 1960's...

Something nudged her head.

ESM: It was her old kitchen cabinet, come back to haunt her.

She turned around.

Elladan: ::sarcastically:: No way! Really?

A giagantic horse stood in front of her. �What the...�

ESM: Eureka!
Gimli: What?
ESM: I just figured it out. This gigantic horse isn't a horse at all! It's a giraffe!
Boromir: Really?
ESM: Of course. It's so tall a man could walk underneath and not have to bend, it has a long, proud neck... the coloring is off but maybe Middle-Earth giraffes were chocolatey brown with black patches and white stripes...

She took it�s halter and pulled it�s head down. The face mark gave him away.

ESM: (auctioneer) Sold! For two cents to the man in the orange felt suit. That's a deal, sir, even with the face mark.

�Delta....� she leaned forward and kissed him on the nose, just above his nostril. �I wuv you.�

Eowyn: (Barathon, uncertainly) Is that a good thing or a bad?

�omer then took care of both wounds,

Gimli: Himself?
Elladan: Of course. You wouldn't expect a Sue to be tended by anyone less then the first in command, would you?

and then,

ESM: ::seethes::

they departed with the rest of the rohirim.

Eowyn: ::affronted:: I'll trouble you to capitalize Rohirrim, not to mention spell it correctly!

Authors note: thats all,

Boromir: ::slowly:: For reals?

till next time.

Boromir: ::sighs:: I knew it was too good to be true.

and .....never mind.

Boromir: We won't.
Elladan: But we do.
Gimli: To the Void with Braincell Conservation Awareness Day!

In the next chapter....

Eowyn: There's another chapter?
ESM: ::grimly:: Two.

She was sitting on a stool in the golden hall,

Eowyn: Did you miss the class where they teach you to capitalize names of places?

absent mindedly drawing a picture of �owyn.

ESM: Because, you know, Rohan had plenty of drawing materials to spare for idle portraits.
Gimli: You're forgetting the magic backpack.
Elladan: I bet it turned into a picture of a mushroom.
Eowyn: ::threatening:: What do you mean by that?
Elladan: Well...she was drawing absent-mindedly...uhm...Don't hurt me!

She had noticed the girls consant looks over, and stood to see what Naurien was doing.
�Stop!! Wait a moment.� she finished the last few details and walked over. She showed �owyn the drawing, and she gasped.

Elladan: Who has the most brain power left?
::silence::
Elladan: Then we'll just skip trying to make sense out of those two sentences.

�Its so beautiful,

Gimli: Unlike this sentence.

where did you learn to draw like that?� she asked curiously.

�My mother was an artist,� she replied.

Eowyn: She was not! She was a princess!
ESM: I think Naurien is speaking.
Eowyn: Oh, is that so?
ESM: Yes, and you'd better be grateful because I just lost some more brain cells figuring that out for you!
Eowyn: Thank you, dear.

�You can keep it.�

Elladan: Naurien said, handing the proffered bottle of acid back to Eowyn.

�Thank you.� she said taking it in her pale hands. �Would you like to be friends?� she asked hopefully.

Eowyn: Because I had a plan. If she said no, I would have her slain on the spot for a spy, and if she said yes, I would have every chance in the world to...you know.

�Of course!� Naurien said. �D�you want to go visit the horses? I�m terriblely bored!�

Gimli: I'm terriblely bored too!

�How about we go visit the orphan children instead? They like to have company.� she said excitedly.

Eowyn: I sound ten years old.
Elladan: I think you ARE ten years old in this story.

�Lets go!� and they set off.

ESM: A rocket. The blast ruined the Sue's hitherto unblemished complexion.