ESM: Arwen? Merry? Helloooo?
::rustling::
Arwen: ::breathlessly:: Essie! You'll never guess what happened!
ESM: Wha-
Arwen: You know those tramps who were wreaking havoc on the ice cream?
ESM: Ye-
Arwen: Well, they decided to try my brother's clam chowder!
ESM: Real-
Arwen: ::gleefully:: Yes, and now they're sick as dogs!
ESM: ::sighing:: That takes care of one problem.
Boromir: But somehow I can't imagine the daughter of Lord Elrond, granddaughter of Lady Galadriel, and Queen of Gondor using such vulgar language.
ESM: ::as Elladan and Gimli approach:: Why, you took the words right out of my mouth, milord.
Elladan: ::groans with disappointment and turns to go back to his seat::
ESM: ::sweetly:: Elladan! Here's some chocolate for you.
Elladan: ::takes chocolate::
ESM: ::sighs:: I'm going to go see if I can get another girl to hang out with us. The ratio of guys to girls here is ridiculous.
Gimli: You mean be tortured with us.
Boromir: ::looking up from his beef sandwich:: What girl?
ESM: ::pulls out a Blackberry:: Let's see. There's Rosie, Diamond, Estella, Arwen, Galadriel,
Elladan: ::chokes:: Not Grandmother!
Boromir: Please, anybody but her!
ESM: ahem. Ioreth, Eowyn, Goldberry, and Lobelia. ::frowns thoughtfully:: Arwen's cooking and tending the sick. Lobelia is a headache. Diamond and Estella aren't the wittiest hobbit lasses I've ever met, Goldberry...Goldberry would be scary.
Boromir: On no account are you to let Ioreth within a thousand miles of this place.
Elladan: That leaves Eowyn and Rosie.
Gimli: I could refer a Dwarf woman or two if you'd like-
Elladan: Ha.
ESM: Hmm, well, since this story isn't really about hobbits Rosie would probably be rather lost. Looks like your sister-in-law is coming to visit, milord!
Boromir: Excellent. I've been dying to meet her.
Elladan: Literally.
Boromir: Enough with the dying jokes!
ESM: ::reachs up to pat Boromir's shoulder:: Now, now.
::lights dim::
ESM: Come along you guys. It's time to get back to torture.
Boromir: ::striding back to his seat with the others:: The torture isn't so much in the reading as the company.
Elladan: Same here.
ESM: ::hurt:: I like that! ::darkly:: Anyway, you ain't seen nothing yet, milord. It gets worse. They always do.

Hello readers!

::silence::

I like eggs.

ESM: Light and FLUFFY! I'll make you taller, and not so FLUFFY!
Elladan: Look at that. She's managed to quote TWO movies without being silenced.
ESM: ::trying to act unconcerned:: heh, you guys wouldn't happen to have any duct tape around, would you?
Boromir: As a matter of fact...

Anyway, I'm finally updating this one. Read on!

Elladan: Only because we have no choice.

The small group ran in single file down the huge hall of Moria which they would have already seen if the had not been sent to another world.

Gimli: ::proudly:: It took me a couple of passes, but I figured that one out.
Female Voice: Care to enlighen me?
Gimli: Who�oh, Lady Eowyn! Welcome.
Eowyn: Hello, Master Gimli
Gimli: Guys, aren't you going to say hello to Eowyn? Guys?
Boromir: ::silently hands Eowyn 'MSTs for Dummies' and a flashlight::
Eowyn: ::slightly angered:: What a warm welcome. ::commences reading::

The goblins and orcs used their claws and stuff to craw from the caverns that were above them, below them, and around them.

Elladan: Oh please. What "stuff"?

The horrible faces surrounded them, more around the circle of light.

Boromir: ANOTHER trip to "regular" earth?

They hissed and screeched. "Oh my god, you guys are more disgusting looking in real life close up!"

ALL: ::blink::
Eowyn: The orcs screeched that?
Boromir: You tell me, sister.
Eowyn: How would I know? I just got here! ::goes back to reading::
Gimli: I HAD thought we were clean enough to impress at least Orcs...

Then, she looked toward the end of the corridor, waiting for the balrog.

Elladan: They had a date.

"Right on cue." She remarked as a large roar shook the ground.

Gimli: Probably the first time she hadn't been stood up. Stop goofing off, ESM.
ESM: ::furiously continues trying to break her wrists free from the ropes Elladan and Boromir have trussed her up with::

The goblins, knew what was coming, ran back to their holes. Boromir spoke up, "What is this new devilry?"

ESM: ::slipping the loops off her wrists and ripping the duct tape from her mouth:: It's a Balrog, a lemon of the ancient world!
Elladan: ::turns to Boromir:: I thought you tied her wrists up good and tight!

"A balrog, a demon of the ancient world. This foe is beyond any of you. RUN!"

Gimli: ::roaring:: Run! You must catch up with it! It is so far beyond! We may win this race yet!
ESM: ::approvingly:: That's a new take on the concept. ::notices Eowyn:: Eowyn! Thank goodness you're here!
Eowyn: I'm not so inclined to thank goodness, Essie.
ESM: Well, you're probably right. Merry will be glad to see you again, though.
Eowyn: ::brightening visibly:: Merry?
Elladan: ::cruelly:: You'll have to wait till the break though.
Boromir: If you're still alive.
ESM: What is WRONG with you guys?
Gimli: ::quietly:: Haven't you figured it out yet?

A new roar filled the air as the ground shook from its steps and the corridor lit with its fire.

Eowyn: The new roar's steps?
Gimli: I'm sure she meant the Balrog's steps.

They hurried down the new set of stairs,

Gimli: Brand new? Or just relatively new?
ESM: I don't know about this date, guys. Was it a blind date?

which Boromir almost fell off of. A problem arose,

Gimli: A problem arose, reared its ugly head. With flamin' eyes and flicking tongue it said, "One of you I'll marry, or you'll all be better dead."
ESM: ::claps enthusiastically::
Elladan: ::sulks::

the next flight had a large chunk

Elladan: ....of chocolate...

missing. Legolas and Naurien jumped together,

Boromir: Oh, how sweet.

then called Gandalf down. "Legolas, the goblin archers will show up soon."

Eowyn: ::surprised:: Oh, is that how you typically call Gandalf down?

"You are correct. Start shooting them down." He replied, and they both started sending arrows to the orcs that were on the other side of the chasm.

ESM: ::pretending to send arrows:: "With flaming love, Naurien." "From Legolas, to my friends and fellow archers. Good hunting!"

Frodo and Aragorn had just gotten over, so they made their way down the rest of the stairs. 'I hate hights.' Thought Naurien

Gimli: incoherently

. They passed through a large room and to the edge of the bridge. She waited for everyone to cross, then went before Gandalf.

ESM: So, apparently Gandalf is Nobody?
Boromir: At least he's not Everybody.

Everyone else passed completely over the bridge, but Naurien and Gandalf

Gimli: ,THEY passed completely under it.

. She gave him a brief hug while saying, "Until we meet again."

ESM: ::mocking:: O, I am distraught! This is such a sad story!Boromir: Shut up. Gandalf dies in this part.
ESM: ::humbly:: I'm sorry, milord.
Boromir: ::softens:: That's all right, milady.

She then

Elladan: Woohoo! "Insert random perfect tense verb here" time!
ESM: Like Mad Libs, this is.
Eowyn: Rode.
Boromir: choked and died.
ESM: syncopated.
Elladan: eschewed.
Gimli: morphed.
ESM: Back to that again?!
Gimli: ::hiding a grin:: Sorry.

, ran back to the others, with slight tears in her eyes.

Eowyn: Er, slight tears? As opposed to what?
ESM: Obese tears, no doubt.

She didn't want to screw up the story, but she didn't want Gandalf to die.

ALL except Eowyn: ::burst out laughing::
ESM: That's the most ironically moronic thing I've ever come across in any of my MSTs!
Boromir: Right. Adding a Tenth Walker doesn't screw up the story as much as Gandalf not falling?
Elladan: Ridiculous.

She turned so she didn't have to watch. She heard, "Fly you fools,"

ESM: Suddenly I have this image of an advertisment: "Fly You Fools Airlines, a fair fare from here to there."

and Frodo yelling. The fellowship then went out of the mines.

Gimli: Ah, yes, easy as pie to do that, if I remember correctly...
Gimli & Boromir: ::in unison:: NOT!!
ESM: In the movie it was.

Naurien slowly hummed to the tune

Elladan: ::carelessly interjecting:: That makes no sense.

in the movie when they left the mines, then she sang,

ESM: Oh, no!

O mor henion i dhu:
Ely siriar, el sila,
Aiya! Aniron i galad

Tiro! El eria e mor.
I lir en el luitha 'uren.
Aiya! Aniron....

ESM: That song seems strangely familiar.

She continued the saddened song as they entered the forest of Lothlorien

Boromir: Her voice sure holds out better than most other people's.
Elladan: She IS supposed to be an Elf, you know. Still, I would think she's have been tired of the one short song by the time they reached Lorien.

Author's Note: This is kinda short, please review and tell me what you think!

ESM: As always, what you see is what you get.

I can't put accent marks because my PC sucks!

ESM: Actually, it's probably because you don't know how.

The song is from the movie and I just tinkered with it a little.

ESM: ::laughing:: Plagiarism!

Translation of the song:

From darkness I understand the night:
Dreams flow, a star shines
Ah, I desire the light.
(I changed "Undomiel" to "the light" which is "i galad", because it would sound screwed up to Aragorn.)

Look! A star rises out of the darkness,
The song of the star enchants my heart.
Ah, I desire

::lights go on::
ESM: Um? ::pauses to look around, and sees Eowyn eating and talking to Merry along with Boromir. Elladan and Gimli are playing Uno.:: This is really getting out of hand. ::raising her voice:: Hey! You guys weren't supposed to leave until it's all over!
Elladan: Whatever.
ESM: ::starts to cry::
Everybody Else: ::ignores her::
ESM: ::wiping her eyes and muttering in a strange voice:: All right. It is time for some drastic measures.