hello to the people who actually read this!

Eowyn: Yes, it's quite amazing didn't just spit this back out at you when you tried to upload it.

My computer was screwed 4

Boromir: Screwed 4?
ESM: I think it's some sort of computer disease caused by unfortunate fanfics.

a while because some idiot in my family

Eowyn: (Nerwen) Namely, me! ::coughs::

was leaving it on all night! anyhow... uhhhhhh, what was i going to write?...

Elladan: Since it's too much to hope that she forgot her fanfic, I'l just hope she forgot the rest of this author's note.

...oh yeah! i fixed chapters before 'cause they were short

Eowyn: We noticed.

(a lot so you'd better reread!). Enjoy, and now for the show!

ESM: That's inverted.
Elladan: Not perverted?
Boromir: I've reverted and converted.
Eowyn: Well, she has subverted.
Gimli: You've all been diverted. And I've run out of 'verted' words.
ESM: He's right, in the future, such things should be averted. ::sighs::

Thanks to my cousin Kiersten who reviewed

Boromir: It took me this long to realize she's still working on the author's note.

(actually)

Eowyn: No way! Really? Actually?

and delta will be in the story

ESM: Yay, more pet insertion. Throw popcorn at those cacti.
Elladan: ::inexplicably annoyed:: Be more random why don't you!

(just later on) this is a fic when you have no idea whats gonna be in it!

Gimli: In that case it's either an award winning thriller or a plotless quagmire.
Boromir: An award winning thriller it isn't.
Elladan: This is also a fic when you have no standards.
ESM: This is a fic WHERE you have no idea when you're gonna see a punctuation mark where it is supposed to be.

An I think that my fic is bad

Eowyn: Halelujiah!

'cause i only have 10 reviews for 7 (now8) chapters and thats bad!

Eowyn: ::disgustedly:: You're hopelessLater that night, Naurien decided to go for a walk.

Boromir: Although I hesitate to honor this...thing...with the title "story", surely there is enough difference between the author's note and it to merit some sort of demarkation?

She invited Frodo and Sam to come as well, and they did.

ESM: ...Not suspecting that she had recently discovered a dark spell that would turn her into a Balrog. However, she needed eight drops of blood from under the toenails of two hobbits.
Everybody else: ::sit on hands hastily and glance at ESM::

"What do you think of the elves now, Sam?" he asked.

Elladan: Who's he?
ESM: The talking donut that lives in a tree.
Boromir: What?
ESM: ::accusingly:: You're supposed to rhyme.

"I asked you the same question once before-- it seems a very long while ago; but you have seen more of them since them."

ESM: YOU'RE BUTCHERING TOLKIEN'S MASTERPIECE!!!!!!!

"I have indeed!" said Sam. "And I reckon there's elves and elves. They're all elvish enough, but they're not all the same.

Gimli: Of course they are. They're ELVES.
ESM: ::sternly:: Are you questioning your Creator?
Gimli: ::startled:: Sam's my Creator?

Now these folk aren't wanderers or homeless, and seem nearer to the likes of us; they seem to

ESM: Belong.

heremore even than hobbits do in the Shire. Whether they've made the land or the land's made them, it's hard to say, if you take my meaning. It's wonderfully quite

Eowyn: Quite wonderful. Try that. You'll like it.
ESM: No. Wonderfully quiet.

here. Nothing seems to be going on,

Elladan: Except when I come to town.
Boromir: I'll believe that!
Elladan: Why, how gracious of you.
Boromir: I'm sorry, I didn't mean...

and nobody seems to want it to. If there's any magic about, it's right hidden down deep, where I can't lay my hands on it in a manner of speaking."

Gimli: Dig, boy, dig!
ESM: Haha, you sound like Dr. Seuss, Gimli.

"You can see and feel it every where." said Frodo. Naurien just kept silent.

Eowyn: Why even mention her? It spoils the story.
Gimli: I believe the author wanted to clarify that Naurien was NOT skipping about singing obnoxious tunes or screaming at the top of her lungs during the hobbits' conversation.

"Well," said Sam, "You can't see nobody working it.

ESM: Pay no heed to the man behind the curtain!

No fireworks like poor Gandalf

Elladan: POOR Gandalf?
Boromir: Hey, he just fell in with a Balrog. What is he, rich?
Eowyn: Maybe the Balrog gave him a buried treasure in exchange for his life.
ESM: Yeah, a lifetime-supply of bleach!

used to show. I wonder we don't see nothing of the Lord and Lady in all these days.

ESM: ::sigh:: Even Sam could use a course in grammar.

I fancy now that she could do some wonderful things, if she had a mind.

Eowyn: But, seeing as she hasn't got a mind--seeing as she is, in fact, brainless, we will never know if Sam's theory was well-founded.

I'd dearly love to see some elf magic, Mr. Frodo!"
"I wouldn't," stated Frodo.

ESM: (Frodo) I've had it with elf magic. All these trees that never die, swords that glow blue, lights that only go out when you tell them to, bows that shoot farther than any others, food that makes you full for days...I've got to get out of here before I go insane!

"I am content.

Eowyn: ::absently:: Nice to meet you.

And I don't miss Gandalf's fireworks,

Elladan: ::gasp:: I'm gonna tell Gandalf!

but his bushy eyebrows,

Gimli: Ah, now it comes out!
Boromir: ::suspiciously:: What comes out?
Elladan: Hopefully this stain on my tunic...
Gimli: The reason Frodo never got married.
Eowyn: Wasn't it because he'd gone through so much trauma with The One Trinket...
Gimli: Nope.
ESM: I know. He's gay. ::sighs:: I thought for sure the canon characters wouldn't fall for that misconception.
Gimli: That's NOT what I was going to say!
Elladan: Well hurry up and say it, Dwarf, because every second you stall will make this stain harder to get out next break!
Gimli: If you guys would stop interrupting!
Eowyn: Three seconds, dwarf. My attention span has reached its limit.
Gimli: There weren't any hobbit girls with bushy eyebrows!
Elladan: Good Aule, we waited all that time just for THAT?
Gimli: ::curtly:: Yes, you are pathetic. Go kill yourself.

and his quick temper,

ALL: ::point at Gimli::

and his voice."

Elladan: Uhm. Mine is MUCH better than Gandalf's.
Eowyn: How modest of you, Elladan!
Elladan: What? It's the truth!
Gimli: No one asked you to volunteer it.
Elladan: Look who's talking.
Boromir: I thought that was the point of this whole MST thing anyway.

"You're right," replied Sam.

Boromir: At least Sam agrees with me.

"I don't think I'm finding fault.

Eowyn: I do.
GImli: Naa. Sam's not capable of finding anything except Frodo.
Elladan: Ah. I did notice a very odd smell cleared up once the Fellowship left Rivendell, but I'd always assumed it was you. Guess it was just Sam's patented "Frodo-tracking system"?
Gimli: ::glowers::

I've often wanted to see a bit of magic like what it tells of the the old tales, but I've never

ESM: (Sam) Thought that your occasionally luminescent Elvish knife and mind-manipulating Ring were really magical, I'm just playing along with your psychotic fantasy.

heard of a better land than this. It's like being at home and on a holiday at the same time, if you understand me.I don't want to leave.

Boromir: ::glancing around:: I wouldn't mind leaving.
Eowyn: I see. My company is so odious to you...!
Boromir: No! That's not what I meant! I'd take you with me...
Eowyn: Ha. Where? Back to the Halls of the Dead? Is that how much you care for your brother's wife? Is it?!
Boromir: ::throws up hands:: Women!

All the same,

ESM: And the world won't go round.
Gimli: Eh?
ESM: Er, just taking an old saying to the logical inversion.

I'm beginning to feel that if Iwe've got to go on, then we'd best get it over."

ESM: For some reason I have a very vivid image of my dentist.

Naurien then just looked on to where they were walking,

Elladan: That's usually a good idea. Wouldn't want to fall into some trap a helpful Elf had set by accident.

bored with the conversation that Frodo and Sam were having.

Gimli: More like Sam's monologue.
Boromir: With a brief interjection by Sam's patented Wise Frodo Doll.

After a while, the three saw the Lady Galadriel approaching.

Eowyn: Slow on the uptake?
Gimli: ::grimly:: What else is new

Tall and white and fair she walked beneath the trees.

Elladan: Normally she walks above the trees, but of course the hobbits wouldn't be able to see her, and the Elves would have a lovely view of--
ESM: I dare you.
Elladan: rustling leaves?

She spoke no word,

Eowyn: Celeborn having made a bet that she couldn't keep quiet for three weeks straight, and Galadriel having accepted...

but beckoned to them.

ESM: Hand signals. But I'm only going to use blinkers when I start driving.
Everyone else: ::ignore ESM::

Turning aside, she led them toward the southern slopes of Caras Galadhon, and passing through a high green hedge they came into an enclosed garden. No trees grew there and it lay open to the sky.

ESM: And thus, when the sky falls, the garden will be annihilated.
Gimli: ::confidentially, to Boromir:: Do you think she's a bit retarded?

The evening star had risen and was shining with fire

Eowyn: Awww, and here I was thinking the evening star shined with earthworms!
Boromir: ::confidentially, to Gimli:: Maybe it's just a female gene.

against the western woods.

ESM: Have the western woods offended the evening star, then? I smell a tale of ire and hot passions!

Down a long flight of steps the Lady went into the deep green hollow , through which ran murmuring the silver stream that issued from the fountain on the hill. At the bottom, a low pedestal carved like a branching tree, stood a basin of silver, wide and shallow, and beside it stood a silver ewer. With water from the stream Galadriel filled the to the brim

Gimli: Filled the what to the brim?
ESM: Hat.
Eowyn: Pot.
Boromir: Goblet.
Elladan: Peasants! Obviously, she filled the HOLLOW to the brim!
ESM: Oh. Are you sure?

and breathed on it, and when the water was still again

ESM: You could see her germs beginning to be fruitful and multiply, giving the illusion that you were looking into a TV screen.

she spoke. "Here is the mirror of Galadriel," she said. "I have brought you here so that you may look in it, if you will"

Boromir: (Frodo) Oh, well, you could have asked us FIRST, before going through all that trouble.

The air was very still, and the dell was dark , and the Elf- lady beside him was tall and pale. "What shall we look for, and what will we see?" asked Frodo, filled with awe.

Elladan: Just like the Hollow was filled with water, Frodo was filled with awe.

"Many things I can command the mirror to reveal," she answered, "and to some I can show what they desire to see. But they mirror will also show things unbidden, and those things are often more profitable than things which we sish to behold.

ESM: Sish. hmm. Next time I play Scrabble I'll support the hypothesis that 'sish' is in fact a word by the fact that a kid with a bunch of F's on her report card used it in a fanfic.

What you will see, if you leave the mirror free to work, I cannot tell.

Eowyn: It's a secret.

For it shows things that were, things that are, and things that

ESM: Elrond made Elladan do when he was naughty.
Elladan: ::shudders::

yet may be. But which it is that he or she sees, even the wisest cannot tell.

Eowyn: So they are in fact NOT the wisest!
Boromir: At least they're not the most knowlegeable.

Do you wish to look?"

Gimli: (Sam) Huh? At what?

Frodo did not answer and neither did Naurien.

Gimli: For they knew what was going through Sam's dirty mind.
Elladan: Flowers, rich soil, and most of all, mulching materials.
Eowyn: What about the earthworms?
Boromir: I think you're obsessed with earthworms.
Eowyn: What if I am? I happen to like the creatures.

"And you?" she said tuning to Sam,

ESM: Ha! Sam is now a radio station!
Elladan: Certainly smarter than what he was before.

"For this is what your folk call magic, I believe; though I do not understand clearly what they mean;and they seem to use the same word of the deceits of the enemy. But this, if you will, is the magic of Galadriel. Did you not say that you wished to see elf magic?"
"I did," said Sam, trembling

Gimli: For finally he realized how complete and efficient the Lady's espionage department was, and vowed never to speak his heart again whilst still within a hundred mile radius of the Forest.

between fear and curiosity. "I'll have a peep, Lady, if you're willing.

ESM: (Galadriel) Of course I'm not willing! I'm your fairy godmother, blast you! Willing, indeed. Pfft. Your marshmallow is coming right up...do you want a chick or bunny? And would you like it microwaved or toasted? I prefer toasted myself, but microwaved Peep is so droll...

"And I'd not mind a glimpse of whats going on at home," he said aside to Frodo. "It seems a terrible long time that I've been away. But there, like as not I'll only see the stars, or something I won't understand."

Boromir: As to that last statement, more like than not you'll see something you won't understand.
Gimli: Does Sam really think he understands the stars?

"Like as not," said the Lady with a gentle laugh.

Elladan: Grandma agrees with Sam, Borry.
Boromir: I'm crushed.

"But come, you shall look and see what you may. Do not touch the water."

ESM: What did I tell you? He can't touch because that would disturb her germs' activities.

Sam stepped up to the basin and peered over the rim. Naurien watched,

Eowyn: Hey! She's still here?

and eventually his brow contorted in anger.

Elladan: ::hand on chin:: Really.

"Hi! There's that Ted Sandyman a-cutting down trees as he shouldn't. They didn't ought to be felled; its that avenue beyond the mill that shades the road to Bywater. I wish that I could get at Ted, and I'd fell him!"

ESM: All ya gotta do is get a black horse, dress up in evil black robes, and pretend you're crippled and he'll never poke his nose there again.

When he looked a little longer, he said, "There's some devilry at work in the Shire, Elrond knew what he was about when he wanted to send Mr. Merry back."

Elladan: 'Course he did. What is he, stupid?

Then suddenly he gave a cry and sprang away. "I can't stay here," he said wildly.

Gimli: (Sam) You can't keep me caged in like this!
ESM: (Sam) I demand my rights as a typical citizen of the United Farthings of the Shire!

"I must go home! They've dug up the Bagshot Row, and there's poor old gaffer going down the hill with his bits of things on a barrow. I must go home!"
"You cannot go home alone," said the Lady. "You did not wish to go home without your master before you looked in the mirror, and yet you knew that evil things might well be happening in the Shire. Remember that the mirror shows many things, and not all have come to pass. Some never come to be, unless those who behold the visions turn aside from their path to prevent them. The mirror is as dangerous as a guide of deeds."

Boromir: I may be stupid, but WHAT is a guide of deeds?
Elladan: You are stupid. A guide of deeds is a guide of deeds.
Boromir: Sure, but, what does it look like?
Elladan: Well, it's about this tall, and and this wide...
ESM: He doesn't know either. Ha, the mirror is dangerous as a guide of deeds...I've noticed my hair never looks the way I thought it would when I use the mirror.
Elladan: Can I murder you, as a gift to society?

she said glancing toward Naurien.
Sam plopped onto the ground and put his head in his hands, "I wish I had never come here, and I don't want to see no more magic," he said and fell silent. After a moment he spoke again thickly, as if stuggling with tears.

Eowyn: Wish Sam was here to demonstrate stuggling with tears.

"No, I'll go home by the long road

ESM: ::howling to the tune of Loch Lomond:: O you'll take the short road and I'll take the long road, and I'll be in the Shire before YOOOOU!

with Mr. Frodo, or not at all. But I hope I do get back some day. If what I've seen turns out to be true, somebody's going to catch it hot!"

ESM: Yay, firey baseballs.

"Do you now wish to look, Frodo?" asked the Lady Galadriel. "You did not wish to see elf-magic and were content."
"Do you advise me to look?" he asked in return.

Gimli: As Sam died of shock

"No," she said. "I do not counsel you one way or the other. I am not a counsellor.

ALL: HA!
Eowyn: Your grandma was a snooty one, wasn't she, Dan? Too high and mighty to be a mere counsellor.
Elladan: She'd probably heard of your dad's counsellor and considered the title one of ignominy.

You may learn something, and whether what you see be fair or evil, that may be profitable, and yet it may not.

ESM: See, it has put Sam into a state of emotional turmoil.

Seeing is both good and perilous. Yet I think, Frodo, that you have courage and wisdom enough for the venture, or I would not have brought you here. Do as you will!"

ESM: (Galadriel) I'm just your fairy godmother!
Gimli: (Frodo) Holy sprites, Batman! I have to share a fairy gomother with Sam?

"I will look." said Frodo, and he climbled onto the pedestal.

ESM: (Galadriel) All hail king of the gods!

But Naurien wasn't even listening. In fact, she

Elladan: Had sllep-walked into the hollow of water and drowned.

was fast asleep under a tree near the occurrence.

Boromir: Fascinating.

She woke up to the gentle prodding

Eowyn: ...with a hot branding iron...

of the Lady.
"Sorry," she said as she lifted herself up

ESM: thinking that the Lady was her employer and she herself was facing prosecution for butchering one of the Lady's sheep and losing the rest.

. "I'll look."
"Good," said the Lady with a laugh.

Gimli: It was a sinister laugh, one that, had Naurien been paying attention, would have told her that the only way to save her skin was to run as fast as she could and ask the Balrog for help...
ESM: Do you see the cosmic difference between Tolkien's writing, in this case of Galadriel, and Nerwen's scribblings? '"Good,"' After all she's just told the hobbits, the best Galadriel can come up with is "good"? Is looking in the Mirror even really "good"?
Elladan: Is your rant over now?
ESM: ::sighs:: Yes.

Naurien climbed onto the step by the pedestal, and inclined her head to look into the pool. "Do not touch the water" the Lady said quickly.

ESM: But a moment too late. A single hair polluted the water and wreaked havoc on the Lady's personal bacteria population. All at once, the ground trembled, the treees withered like poisoned weeds, and the sky itself plummetted to Middle-Earth while the thunder gods cried out in fear.

The surface of the water changed; the first image was of herself recieving her gift from the Lady before they would leave, yet she could not see what it was. 'Probably a bow or something.' she thought.

Elladan: Yes, it's definitly bound to be something.

Next it showed herself and �owyn creeping around a passage in what looked like Helms Deep.

Eowyn: ::incredulously:: Me? Creeping around with that moronic creep? Shut UP!
ESM: I really don't know where you people pick up this language. You don't sound at all like the books.

Then Merry and Pippin were getting carried of by the uruk- hai. A stange image of her horse, Delta, crashing through the wargs of Isenguard shown itself on the water except it couldn't be him 'cause the horse in the image was so huge, that Naurien figured that she could walk under his stomach without bending down. As she was about to get of the pedestal, one last image shown itself. It was of Boromir, with the arrows embedded in him. she gasped and fell back on her bum.

ESM: I'm having a thought here, Barbossa!
Pirate: What? Speak up, wench!
ESM: Ack! I didn't ask you to come here!
Pirate: Ye pronounced my name. Admiral Barbossa, I be. SHE went on break and left the Visitor Transport set to automatic.
ESM: SHE did? Good grief. Well, I guess you're stuck here till SHE gets back.
Pirate: I'll just keep silent till then, then.

"Uhhh....wow?" she looked at the ground.

Boromir: ::eyeing Barbossa distrustfully:: I have a question. At one point Frodo was on the pedestal and waiting to look, but it seems he was superceeded by this upstart. Am I right?
ESM: That's what I was gonna say. Moreover, in the movie it's Frodo who falls backwarsd on his...bum.

"Do not act as if life is the book that you must live by and follow." Galadriel informed.

Eowyn: Aye, it was an order rather than a counsel, I'll bet.

"some things may come to pass differently than that of which you expect."

Gimli: For instance, you never would have thought the Lady Galadriel would speak with such utter disregard of grammar.

She knelt beside Naurien

Elladan: Yeah right.

and placed something in her hand.

ESM: A hand grenade! Run!
Eowyn: I bet it was a snail.

It was a necklace. A star shape,

Boromir: Make up your mind. Was it a star shape or a necklace?

just like the Evenstar. Except instead of a white jewel in it, there was a ruby-type -thing.

Gimli: Right. It wasn't a ruby, or even a red jewel, it was a ruby-type-thing. I am deeply offended.
Boromir: Why are you deeply offended? I'm the one who's gonna get the...whatever she decides it is.
Eowyn: Earthworm.

it wasn't sparkling, but shown brilliantly"You know what to do with it."

Boromir: (Naurien) Ummm, give it to Aragorn? We could go fishing!
Eowyn: NO! Not with an earthworm! Take a centipede or something nasty like that, don't hurt the poor earthworm. ::starts to cry::

"I guess. I'm gonna go to bed." she said in a monotone. She got up and as if in a daze, walked away. She didn't pay attention where she was going which was a bad thing.

ESM: Depends on your point of view. For her, it was bad, but for me, anything that's bad for her is good for me because it's bad for her, so...I think this is a good state of affairs.
Gimli: I'm feeling a bit dizzy now.
Elladan: ::grandly:: Elves don't need sleep.

A few minutes of random walking, she was lost.

ESM: That's a TV show with Dom Monaghan. Haven't seen it myself, though.

"Dammit!" she whispered to herself.

Elladan: Profanity in Middle-Earth: The Return.

"HEY!! I'm lost!" she yelled.

Elladan: (Random Elf) Nice to meet you. The Lost and Found Barrel for this part of Lorien is just away to your right. Stay there till someone comes to claim you. However, if you aren't claimed within seven years, you will be put up for auction.

'oh yeah,' she though, 'half these elves don't speak the commen toungue.

Elladan: More than half, I would think. In fact, I don't believe even one of those elves speaks the "commen toungue".

"Edhil-o L�rien! Non Vanwa!"(Elves of Lorien! I am lost.)

ESM: (Naurien) So much for my happy ending.

Haldir found her and said, "Your shouting woke up half of Lothl�rien.

Boromir: ..the half that doesn't speak the "commen toungue", of course.

" he smiled. "I will bring you to your dorm."

ESM: ::sleepily:: College already?

And with that, they walked back, the right way.

Gimli: It was all a plot to get her in that Lost and Found Barrel.
::lights go on::
ESM/Eowyn: BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boromir: I'm not hungry. ::pulls out pack of Uno cards:: Who's in?
Gimli: Me!
Elladan: All the way!
Eowyn: Hey, I'll play.
Barbossa: Howd'ye play?
Boromir: ::startled:: Ow, I forgot you were still here.
ESM: I'll teach you.
::party commmences play. Gimli nearly wins, but is presented with a Draw 4. Barbossa and ESM have a perfect play, which is unwitttingly ruined by Elladan. When the deck is nearly done ESM is called over by Arwen, leaving Barbossa in control of their cards. Left to himself, he practically presents the game to Boromir and Eowyn and achieves the highest score for himself. As soon as ESM returns and sees the damage, she loses her cool.::
ESM: Dang you, pirate! I wish Norrington were here to hang you!
Soldier: This...is certainly a surprise. ::looks around, then sees the pirate and scowls:: Barbossa!
Barbossa: Norrington!
Norrington/Barbossa: Prepare to die, devil!!!!!
::others duck as the mortal enemies attempt to hack each other to pieces. ESM rushes away to a dark corner while Boromir and Gimli try to shield an indignant Eowyn from Barbossa's unpredictable cutlass, all the while crying out in each other's encouragement, "Shield maiden! Shield maiden!" till Eowyn collapses from laughter. Suddenly, the pugnacious pair disappear into thin air.::
ESM: Phew. At least SHE got them out of here before the floor was covered in gore.
Eowyn: ::somewhat breathlessly:: Yeah. Boromir and I won the Uno game, Essie.
ESM: I knew that. That's why I lost my temper and accidentally got Norrington here.
::lights dim::
Boromir: Aww.