Hello readers! How are you?

ESM: Alarmed.

Don't answer that.

Gimli: Too late.

Anyhoo, in this chapter, dining with the fellowship! Have fun reading......and reviewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elladan: Let's play a game! How many exclamation points?
ESM: I lost track at sixteen.
Gimli: Twenty-four.

"Hey mom?" she called into the house. Her perkiness had come back.

Boromir: It left?

"Yes?"
"Can you come outside?"
"What for?"
"Just come outside!"
"All right, I'm coming, I'm coming." Her mother came outside and seemed quite annoyed when she saw the Fellowship outside.

ESM: (mother) Oh, great. More mouths to feed.

"Let me guess, You kidnapped the actors and brought them here?"

ESM: I'd just like to point out that the actors are not as short as real hobbits and dwarves. Nor as good looking.

"Actually mom, there're the real thing." She pointed out.

ESM: They don't even look like the actors.
Gimli: I believe you said that already.
ESM: I think it needs to be emphasized.

"Whatever."
"Does that mean that they can stay?"
"Where? What are you talking about?"

ESM: The One Star Hotel we call our home.

Boromir: How rude.
Gimli: Bah. Always has to be star of the show.
ESM: I'm actually surprised the Sue allowed herelf to be upstaged by even Legolas.

"My Lady, We wish to have shelter from the cold and rain.

ESM: Cold? Rain? Where?

May we stay in your home?"

Elladan: (mother) Oh, well, if you put it like that I can't very well refuse, can I.

ESM: We wouldn't want you as Gimli or Elrond, now would we?
Boromir: What the...oh, I see. Missing a comma.
ESM: ::smiling:: Astute as always, milord.
Boromir: :: blushes::

ESM: Some moms are not as dumb as you think.

"Come inside and we will figure something out." Said her mom.

Elladan: Ah, Parley!

"What a strange dwelling." Said Aragorn.

Boromir: That was not the most courteous thing to say.
ESM: The lack of courteousness is strangely out of character, I agree.

"What is this?" asked Pippin not waiting for an answer.

Gimli: ::sighing:: As usual.

He turned on the TV.

ESM: ::approvingly:: I like that sentence. Not the content, but the sentence.

He yelled in surprise as Spongebob Squarepants showed up on the screen. All of them stared at it in awe.

ESM: Yes, Spongebob Squarepants is awe...ful.

"Crap!" said Naurien, running over and turning it off. "You didn't see any of that!" she said quickly.

ESM: What does she think she is, a Jedi knight?

"Pippin! Don't touch ANYTHING! You too Merry!"

ESM: Hey! Only I am allowed to order my brother around.

"We should get a place for them to sleep." Said her Mom.
"Sleeping bags would be good!" exclaimed Naurien.

ESM: A SleepNumber airbed would be better.
Elladan: ::curiously:: Do you get paid for these commercials?
ESM: No comment.

"We could put the tall ones on the long couches. Gimli could go on the shorter one.

Elladan: Wow. They have three long couches and a short one.
ESM: How big is this house again?

The hobbits could go on the bottom of you bunkbed." Said her mom.

Boromir: Bunkbed? So far I've only noticed one person who lives with Naurien, and that's her mother.
Gimli: Maybe she likes rotating between top and bottom.

"You set up their beds and I'll get theirs in my room." Said Naurien. "You four come with me."

ESM: Imperious little wench.

She said to the hobbits. They followed her as she got sheets and blankets from the closet and into her medium sized room.

Boromir: How poetic!

She tore of the old stuff

Elladan: You know, the OREO cookie crumbs, construction paper, year-old Wrigley's chewing gum...

and laid the new sheets onto the bed. Next, she got four pillows and laid them across the bed horizontally.
"Okay, that's all set. Why don't you guys lie down and tell me what you think." They all did and gasped.

Gimli: (hobbits) I think I've been skewered!
ESM: Ah yes, the old needle-hidden�in-the-mattress-trick.

"It's so comfortable. How can we thank you?" asked Frodo after he sat back up.
"Don't thank me yet! You haven't tasted our food yet." She replied grimly.

Elladan: We haven't tasted Elrohir's clam chowder, either, yet.

They walked into the kitchen.

ESM: Wow, no details about how they all got off the bed, trooped down the stairs, and went throught the living room first?

"I wonder how mom is doing with everyone else."

ESM: As I said, some Moms aren't as dumb as you think.

Elladan: (Naurien) Hello, screech. Hello, yell of surprise. What were you doing in my room?

Sam had found her bird. "What is that?" he asked pointing at her large parrot.
"That would be Jessie." She walked over and opened the cage. Jessie hopped out onto her hand.

Boromir: And clawed the flesh from her mistress' arms.

"She is a parrot."
"Its weird looking." Said Pippin and Jessie screeched at being called "it".

ESM: I agree that denying Jessie's personship renders calling her "weird looking" a comparitively negligable offense.

"Let's go have dinner, shall we?" said Naurien.

Boromir: What about afternoon tea?

"What is this?" asked Aragorn poking at the grain-like white stuff on his plate.

ESM: Grain-like? It IS a grain!

"It's rice." She said with her mouth full.

ESM: Gross.

"Could I have more please?" asked Pippin.

Gimli: I hate to say this, but this fic is not presently bad enough to be interesting.
ESM: You've voiced my feelings precisly.

"Us too?" The hobbits had all already cleared their plates.

Elladan: I'm bored.
Boromir: We're all very well aware of hobbit eating habits

"You're already done?!" asked her mom. "That's weird." She continued, giving them more.

Elladan: I'm bored.
Boromir: Stop it.

"No it's not! Hobbits naturally eat..." she started but was cut of by her mom.

ESM: She was?
Gimli: You're grasping at straws.
ESM: I know that.

"OKAY! I'm not in the mood for a Lord of the Rings Lecture!"

Gimli and Boromir: ::cower slightly at "Lord of the Rings'::
ESM: I love Lord of the Rings lectures!

When they were done, Naurien wanted them to try ice cream.

Gimli: Tyrant.
ESM: What? Ice cream's good!
Boromir: What if you're lactose intolerant?
ESM: ::stares at Boromir:: Did they teach you that in The Halls of Mandos?

Her mom brought nine bowls of ice cream and set them each before the guests.

ESM: That sentence needs a bit of help.

They took their spoons and took a bite.

Elladan: Of the spoons? What idiots.

HaHa! A cliffie! Now I get to torture you!!!!

Boromir: ::dryly:: And how could you possibly torture us more than you have with your boring story?

Will the group find a way home?!

ESM: I believe you mentioned that they would earlier.
Gimli: So much for the Cliffie.

Will the fellowship like the ice cream?!

Elladan: I don't know, they might not get that far. It does take quite a long time to eat a spoon.
ESM: ::sweetly:: Is that from personal experience, Dan?
Elladan: No.

Will I ever get a life?!

Gimli: I�
ESM: Don't answer that one.

Tune in Next week! (literally)

ESM: Unfortunately, we have the next chapter right here...and the lights aren't brightening any. So no break.
All: ::groan::

In the glory of the weekend, I'm writing a chapter! Isn't it wonderful?

Gimli: No Comment.

Anyhoo, I'd like to announce that

Elladan: I have writers block and so will not bother you anymore. The End.

I can write a type of REAL runes!

Elladan: As opposed to FAKE runes.
ESM: Yeah, like the ones toddlers write all the time.

The type doesn't have Q or X but I hardly use them anyway!

ESM: No kidding, Sherlock.

And now for the show!

ESM: "The Tenth Walker, a musical"

Naurien stared at them to see their reaction to the ice cream.

Boromir: It required staring?

They tasted it and gasped.
"What is this?" asked Aragorn in amazement

Elladan: as the ice cream slowly morphed into a figure strangely resembling a gory orc.
ESM: You'll need to work on those.

."Its

ESM: Manflesh!
Boromir: ::gives her worried look::

ice cream! Or..... frozen milk with flavoring." She answered.

ESM: Frozen CREAM. Ice CREAM? Sound familiar? Hello?
Elladan: Essie. MST theater to Essie.
ESM: Huh?

"You guys need to go to sleep, it's 9:00." Said her mom.

ESM: Oh, you guys have a bedtime? That's sweet.

"We are quite weary." Replied Aragorn

Elladan: like a ditz.

."Okay, we can bring them to their beds and let them sleep." Said her mom.

ESM: Yes, we can, but WILL we. That is the question.

"Hobbits! This way please!" yelled Narien.

Boromir: Oh look, a new character!
Gimli: Who's Narien?
Boromir: That's what I said.

All: ::look bored::

She came out with four T-shirts that were huge for her not to mention for hobbits.

Elladan: (Naurien) In fact, they weren't shirts at all, they were parachutes.

"Try these on. I'll leave while you change." She left the room.

Boromir: Oh, good. I thought she was just saying she would leave.

A few minutes later Frodo told her from in her room that they were done.

ESM: I suddenly have this mental image of my baby sister poddy-training...
Elladan: You really didn't have to share it, though.
ESM: I know. I'm evil.

She went inside to double up in fits of laughter.

Gimli: Obviously. I mean, she couldn't just laugh like that in the hall, could she?
ESM: Of course not! That would be scandalous! She HAD to go inside to laugh.

The shirts went past their knees.

Gimli: Of course they did. They're parachutes.

They all got into bed and she turned of the light and left the room.

ESM: Oh. That's good she left the room.
Boromir: Why?
ESM: Because, I thought she had gotten into bed with them.
Boromir: I shouldn't have asked.

Then she went to see how her mom was fairing with the men.

All: EEWWWWW!
ESM: ::clicking tongue:: So much innuendo.

When she entered the living room, all of them were asleep in their sleeping bags. She laughed as Gimli snored loudly.

Gimli: Hey!
Boromir: What? You DO snore.
Gimli: It's not that. She called me a man!
ESM: No! ::checks:: Maybe she just forgot about you.
Gimli: Maybe.

After an hour of watching InuYasha and Case Closed, she went to sleep. It had been a long day.

Elladan: ::sighs:: I've practically forgotten what a day is, I've been here for so long.

At 6:00 her alarm clock rang loudly and

ESM: (alarm clock) cried, "This isn't fair! Now I have to wake up FIVE people. I want a raise! And two extra sick days!"

woke up the hobbits. Naurien got up and woke up Aragorn and Boromir. "You might as well help me take care of Delta."

Boromir: Why me? Why not Aragorn and Legolas?
ESM: Hmm. We'll see.

She gave them each a bucket of water

Elladan: (Naurien) Drink this, you must be thirsty.

and she got the hay out of the garage. Then they walked out and did the rest of the chores.

ALL: ::bored::

When they went inside, she

Gimli: morphed into a unicorn and was slain by her pet parrot.
ESM: Original.

started making breakfast. She made eggs, toast, and sausage.

Elladan: What a talented dead unicorn.

Then she called everyone in by yelling,

Boromir: (Naurien) Get in here, or I'll come back to life and marry all of you!

"If you want to eat, come in the dining room!"

ESM: (Fellowship) But WHERE is the dining room?

They all liked her cooking, which was weird.

ESM: I sense low self-esteem issues here.
Elladan: ::shaking his head:: I don't think she's any less conceited than you are, Essie.

Then they debated on what happened and how they would get back.

ESM: ::chanting:: Don't get mad, get even!
Gimli: Nooo, I don't think that's it.

"Okay, Lets get this started." Ordered Naurien hitting a book on the table like a judge.

Boromir: I was not aware judges hit books against tables.
ESM: Oh, I'm sure they do. Judges are people too.
Gimli: Well, in that case, why didn't she just say 'the milkman' or 'a librarian'?
Elladan: I think the sentence would have conveyed the intended meaning if phrased thusly: "...hitting a book on the table like a judge's gavel."
ESM: ::clapping::
Elladan: ::bows, which is very interesting, as he is reclining in his chair...::

"Who has a good idea of how you got here."

ESM: Who? I'd like to meet this 'Who'. Also would like to meet the dude's parents.

"Mabey, Sauron got us here somehow." Aragorn implied.

ALL: ::blink::
Elladan: The concept is certainly plausible...but I think teenie fangirls are more evil than Sauron.
Gimli: On a different note, as far as I'm concerned, Aragorn stated his hypothesis.

ESM: BOO!
Boromir: Huh?
ESM: Thanks, I needed that question mark. It actually belongs right after 'here'.

"Where's your idea then elf-boy?!" Screamed Boromir.

ESM: ::chanting:: I scream! You scream! We all scream for ice cream!

Eventually, a huge shouting war started.

ESM: (Bob the Tomato) The great pie wars, to be exact.
Elladan: ::looks at ESM narrowly:: Are you quoting obscure movies again?
ESM: Meep!

"ORDER! ORDER IN THE COURT!" cried Naurien.

Gimli: Wow. Serious delusionary loose, here.

"There is probably a very logical explanation.

Elladan: Not with a Mary Sue around, there isn't.

Obviously Legolas is correct

Boromir: (Naurien) Because I happen to agree with him because he's so hot...

; Sauron is not powerful enough, but can anyone think of someone who is?"
"What about the Lady Galadriel?" asked Aragorn.

Elladan: I doubt it.

ESM: Y'know, she DID tell us that last chapter.

A murmur of agreement filled the room.

Elladan: It filled it till all the air had been squeezed out, filled it till the Fellowship felt like it was entering a two-dimensional state, filled it until blood poured out of everybody's ears from the pressure...
Everybody else: ::stare, aghast::

"I think that he might bring back whatever brought you here."

Gimli: Er, did anybody get that?
ALL: No.
ESM: Well, actually, maybe. I think she meant that Gandalf would make that pool of light reappear.

Naurien murmured. But then a thought hit her

Boromir: providentially knocking her unconscious till the Fellowship got safely away.

. Would she be able to go with them? And what of her family?

ESM: I believe we've come to the conclusion her "family" consists of a mother and a horse.

Just then, a pool of light appeared on the ground.

ESM: Haha! I was right!
Elladan: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
ESM: ::pouting:: You're no fun. I want Legolas.
Elladan: And I want my twin brother.
Both: ::turn back to the screen and cross their arms::

"That's what I fell into!" cried Frodo.
"Let's go!" cried Aragorn.

Gimli: (Naurien) Wait! Don't you like it here with me? We could have been such a wonderful...tensome...
ESM: Gimli, that is DISGUSTING.

Elladan: Only to find out that the pool of light actually came from the halogen lamp Naurien's mother had accidentally turned on and wasn't a portal to Middle-Earth at all.
Boromir: Many sore heads ensued.

Naurien hesitated, she would miss her family.

ESM: Probably not.

Then she thought about middle earth. She ran upstairs and grabbed her sword and two knives without hesitation.

ESM: After all, there weren't any concealed weapon laws in Middle-Earth.

Then she quickly snatched the backpack that she had stupidly

Gimli: but astonishingly conveniently,

packed

ESM: ::inventorying backpack:: Razor; extra cartridges; perfume; 8 different outfits, including, but not limited to, a ball gown and riding costume; her CD player and a great many extra batteries; a picture of her Mommy in case she ever got lonely or met her REAL, Middle-Earthian father; and a bag of Skittles.

,and then she jumped into the swirling pool.

Elladan: But the swirling pool spat her back out, and Naurien was left lying on the livingroom floor with a concussion.

She reappeared just at the tomb of Balin with the rest of the Fellowship.

Boromir: (Fellowship) Oh, no! Thought we'd left the twit in that other world.
::lights stay dimmed::
ESM: Aaand, we'll just go right onto the next chapter.
Elladan: ::objecting:: Twice in a row? This isn't fair!
ESM: You forget, the purpose of this exercise is not to promote justice.
Elladan: ::shudders::