An Essay of Metamorphosis
People accustomed to conceiving in terms of systems tend to conceive of confusion as a confusion of systems. But there is such a thing as experiential confusion--an incompatibility between the individual's personal-- and perhaps highly developed--system--and the world of disorderly experience.
Not all order is of a subjective character, depending on personal traits as though to one person it exists and to the other it does not. Sometimes it is for lack of a personalized order that the individual becomes disoriented and confused. He may become enslaved to the apparently objective, because it is that which is most personably permanent.
Numbers can be manipulated like objects, but without a certain inner knowledge the infiinity tears the mind apart. The individual may turn to theatre, that there is some orchestration of finite things. But he still longs for something more determinate or providential, that does not confront him with a mask.
He turns to art, believing that if everything were formed of masks and no one dwelt in them, that its landscape could be revealed as a truth in itself. But beyond that monsters lurk--the pit of dissimilarity, the wall separating one length of categories from its unrelated neighbor.
He learns that he cannot move, and then he learns that it is not time to move, and then someone moves him and he is confused. Wasn't I trying to find where I am, and what am I now if I am not my former self, only moving? He finds many entrances, but his path always draws him past them, when there are keys there are no doors, when there are doors they shun him.
The most fabulous creatures speak a different tongue. He broods, moving in his dark carriage, ranging his eyes over the infinite closeness, and distance that keeps changing form.
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