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WOW RECRAP
by Zimaman



I GET LETTERS: "Hey, RZ, you rule. I want to have your babies" -- JS, a ditch somewhere in the Midwest. Thanks, dude! Ass-kissing is never out of style for ol' RZ!

"Dear Mr. Zimaman: Approxametly 23 days and 4 hours ago to this very nano-second, you wrote the phrase "Adolf Hitler was a bad man." It's plainly obvious that said quote was a thinly-veiled stab at yours truly, since you know how much I enjoy the works of Zinc Chef German. You also said something to the effect of "This match is the PRETZELS!" Knowing my history with weight problems and how the consumption of pretzels is expressly forbidden by my archwitch, I can only conclude that you wrote this in an effort to hurt me. I hate you, Mr. Zimaman, and will not rest until the day I run you off the Internet forever. Fuck off, sir." -- SS, a basement. NP: Mary Kate and Ashley Olson's Slumboree. Hmmm, I love shoot comments that ... no, wait, wrong shill. HA!

QUOTE OF THE WEEK: "HA!" -- By ... MEEEEE!!!!

KINGS UPDATE: 0-224, 50th place (221 GB), Pacific Division. I hear tickets for the NIT will go on sale Wednesday. Maybe they can make it to the second round. HA!

CRYPTIC COMMENT: If you think I like you because I write about how I don't like you, then you must not be able to like yourself any more than you like me. If you think I wrote that about YOU, then you don't know ME. Or maybe I DID write that about you, only to see if you would think I wrote it about you, when in fact I only wrote it to see if you would think that I wrote it about you, knowing I was writing about him and not you. Perhaps if you got laid more, or once, this wouldn't be a problem, but now you think I write about you writing about how I wrote about you writing about my writing for you.

WOW: Who IS that mystery woman in the logo?! HA!

Fireworks! Boom-Boom! Girls! RZ!!!!!!!!

SLAM DUNK vs. R-A-N-D-I R-A-N-D-I RANDI RUH RUH RANDI RUH RUH - Randi enters the ring through the second and third ropes. Slam Dunk, because she's *baaad*, don'cha know, steps OVER the top rope. Randi plays with her hair, then adjusts her right armband. Slam Dunk scratches her lower lumbar three, no, wait, FOUR times, then stretches for 3.24 seconds. Randi turns his head approxamately 34.76 degrees to the left and says SOMETHING to the fans. Speaking of fans, it looks like Ron and Dana Everett in Section 32, Row L, Seats 22-21 are ... yes, they're ORDERING FOOD! Dana takes the orders from Ron and is WALKING! to the concession stand. Better not get the PRETZELS! Those pretzels are the PRETZELS! HA! RZ STRIKES AGAIN!!! Sign in the crowd: Ice Cold 3:16. HA! Sign: Boom Boom Rules. Sign: Raw is War. Sign: I wanna date Lana Star. Sign: It doens't MATTER what my name is! Sign: WOW is WOW! Sign: I like Candy. Hi Mark Madden! Sign: Suck it. Sign: Suck it. Sign: <------ Me. Sign: <------ Dummy. Sign: Roit Your Cool.

(snip to 23 K later -- or 19 seconds of ring action)

...and now Randi has a headlock. And he's holding, he's holding ... Looks like Dana's back from the concession stand. BEER! Boy, those wacky Everetts. I could tell you about the homemade orange beer my male roommate fixed for our male commune in Haight-Asbury, but I won't. Because as much as this world's about MEEEEEE!, I'm not in it just to hear MY initials or name, unlike Some Other Columnist (who's wetting himself right now because of this). Slam Dunk pushes Randi to the ropes ...shouldertackle, off the ropes, back towards Dunk, jumps over, lands, off the ropes AGAIN, leapfrog, off the ropes, turns around, continues running ...

(recap truncated)

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