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PURO RESU NEWUSO
via the DVDVRDVRDR Playboyz



Hi, I�m Zach Justin Quebrada Becker Lord, you can call me Dee. Like very few of you, I watch wrestling from Japan, known as puroresu instead of the horrible scum you filthy American swine pass off as a cheap imitation of what this great sport used to be. YOU STOLE BENOIT FROM US. ROCK WILL NEVER BE IN A FOUR STAR MATCH. VINCE MCMAHON HAS A MACHINE THAT SUCKS THE WORKRATE OUT OF IT�S EMPLOYEES. WHY CAN�T TAKA GO BACK TO M-PRO AND MAKE 20 DOLLARS A NIGHT FIGHTING IN EMPTY GYMS, KILLING HIMSELF IN GREAT MATCHES JUST FOR ME? AUSTIN YOU FUCKING PUSSY, YOU DESERVE TO DIE FOR NEVER TAKING A BURNING HAMMER ON THAT FUCKING WUSS ASS NECK OF YOURS.

Ahem.

The following is a bunch of news I lifted off Zach Arnold who he lifted off of his sources, by that I mean Japanese news boards. Damn him and his multilingual ass. Anyway, it must be true. Kensuke Sasaki killed a man in cold blood you know.

NOAH ran a show in Korakuen Hall recently, it drew 519 fans, one hundred were blinded by that damn green ring ansd erewe....

GET OUT OF THE WAY BOY~! This is DEAN RASPBERRY~! I�M BRING THE SENSELESS STALKING, BREAKING AND ENTERING AND MANSLAUGHTER OH MY TO THE SITE OF THE WHITE DEVIL THAT STOLE MY TILDES~! WHILE I HIDE THE BODY LET ME PASS THE MIC OVER TO THAT SWEET EVER LOVIN ACCOMPLICE PHIIIIIIIIIIIILL...

Hey gang, you know, I just rewatched some of the awesome All Japan of old and I watched that great Kawada/Misawa match where Kawada breaks Misawa�s eye socket in the first minute. The more I think about it, the more it reminds me of the time me and Dean were attacking these little OHTANI STYLE PUNKS outside of a APW Gym Wars show. The whole psychology of the mugging was that Dean broke one of the guys eye sockets with a jumping high gun shot that grazed him and we spent the next fifteen minutes trying to mace the other one, he sold it like a champ, even when we dropped a brick on him. You may have seen me wearing my too swank for words DR.WAGNER JR. MASK~! Now that the blood is gone let me give it back to the man that has more blinding white hotness that is DDT tapes than you or me could ever handle, lets give it back to the DEAN MACHIIIIIIINE....

THE KID IS IN BED, THE WIFE IS SEDATED AND I MANAGED TO PAWN MY WEDDING RING TO BUY SOME FMW PPV FILTH THAT WE ALL LOVE BEHIND CLOSED DOORS FROM JEFF LYNCH~! ME AND MY DVDVR BROTHAHS WANT THE WORLD TO KNOW THAT WE�RE TIRED OF YOUR OBLIGATORY FOOT NOTES ABOUT NAGATA IN YOUR NEWS UPDATES, WE�RE TIRED OF SNOT FACED PUNKS GIVING ANY MATCH THAT HAS A GUY LAND HEAD FIRST A LOT FIVE STARS AND THINKING HE KNOWS WHAT GOOD WRESTLING PSYCHOLOGY IS ALL ABOUT AND DEAR GOD WE�RE TIRED OF KEITH TAKING THE TILDE~! BY ALL THAT IS GOOD AND CRASH HOLLY, WE WILL KILL YOU ALL, WE WILL BRING THE DEATHRATE, WE WILL BRING FIREY HOT PAIN, YOU WILL ALL SHARE THE SAME TORMENT~! HAIL THE ORDER OF THE HAND~!

Uh Dean?

YES PHIL?~!

I just found a couple WAR tapes under this guy�s bed, wanna partake?

WHY YES BECAUSE NO ONE KNOWS YOU LIKE TENRYU KNOW YOOOOOU~! LUCKY FOR ALL OF YOU THAT A RARE GOOD JADO MATCH AND EXTINGUISHED MY BLAZING WRATH, TILL THIS SITE COMES UP WITH A REPLACEMENT I AM DEANO RASPBERRY AND GOOOOOD NIGHT~!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
NEXT WEEK: WE RUN FROM THE LAW AFTER SOME HIJINKS WITH A MEAT GRINDER~! CIMA MAKES TORYUMON NUMBER ONE~! MY WIFE SOBS HERSELF TO SLEEP ONCE AGAIN~! MAYBE SOME GAEA~!
***********************

The Death Valley Playboys Seven fists, three guns, two knifes and a grenade in the face of wresting.
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