Monday 23 January
My Mum just gave me a haircut. In my mind I thought I would end up looking like this:

Instead I look like a dick.

Tuesday January 10
It turns out that last entry was inaccurate. Apparently it all starts from this relationship Paul has with Jesus and then everything goes from there. I guess the good things to take from that are that he does love and respect people as a result of this relationship, and as far as I can tell it doesn't lead him to do anything evil. I think he wants to live his life as an act of worship. He's said that before.

If it sounds like I'm justifying things to myself, it's because basically I am. I'm fairly prejudiced against Christians, thus this is all fairly difficult to get my head around. I've gotten quite angry at Paul at various times for just being a Christian. Obviously at these times I'm getting angry at what past Christians have done to me, which is pretty unfair. Due to that whole prejudice thing I didn't see myself getting close to a Christian at all. It's required a lot of being sure of who I am and where I stand on things. I don't want to be a prejudiced jerk, but I don't want to lose my point of view either. I don't think that I will ever think that Christianity as a whole is that great, but I don't really have to. I just think I shouldn't hate Christians as a general rule. I only need hate the jerk ones.

It's put me in situations where I've had to calmly look at someone else's point of view when all I wanted to do was scream at them that they were wrong. I've had to calmly try and get him to explain things he's said, that on face value have made me extremely angry. I have in fact screamed at him, that I don't think he's interpreted the bible in a sensible way and that I think Christians are evil. He was quite upset by this. His patience has been pretty remarkable.

He's taught me that I happen to have a humanist/scientific point of view in which I take certain things for granted and he happens to have a Christian point of view in which he takes other things for granted. I sort of like that. Before I met him I took for granted that if one human saw another human in trouble they would help them. Apparently that's not always the case. That blew my mind.

I have an enormous amount of respect for him. I actually want him to explore his faith because it's so important to him and who am I to assume I have the right answer? What he's experienced in his life has led him to believe one thing and what I've experienced has led me to believe another. In all liklihood we're both wrong.

In one way it's really important to know stuff like where we came from and whether there's a point to all this, but in another way the fact that we don't have enough information to answer this question renders it somewhat irrelevant until we do have that information. Meanwhile maybe time to chill a little, enjoy things.

Monday January 9
Basically Paul (that wonderful boy who I happen to be dating who happens to be a Christian) and I believe the same thing: you should love/respect/be nice to other people. It's just that he believes in an afterlife, a god who created the universe and that there's a point to all this. So his reasoning is something like (I think) "We should be nice to everyone because they're all god's creation and as such they're all wonderful and deserving of my respect" (or something like that, I don't know the specifics) and I believe in "We should be nice to everyone because everyone is all that we know that we have." I also feel comforted by the fact that he doesn't like organised religion. Last night I told him it wasn't his fault he was a dirty Christian and then I felt bad and then I thought of this. It's been many months, I'm slow. I'm getting there, but very slowly. I hope I get there in time for all this to work out. He's a very lovely boy.

In other news, James told me how he could play a game of solitaire in 60 seconds and the best I can do is 120. This is my current obsession.

Sunday January 8

I found this quiz that seems to relate directly to my life. I think everyone else should do it as well.

1. Name random places you have found pimples in the last few days: The inside of my finger, my ankle, my neck.

2. Are you currently looking for somewhere to live?: Yes I am, with Mandrew.

3. Are you currently on holidays?: Yes, it's lovely thank you.

4. Is your brain currently fucking around with you?: Yes. I want to be Chloe. I like my beliefs. I like being nice to people. I don't see why these things should be interfered with. I want to be fairly certain that I'm doing what I do for the right reasons.

5. Does it freak you out when people say your name?: Often it does.

6. What was it like when you turned twenty?: Really fun. In fact just by coincidence I turned twenty the other day. I had a poker night and it was tops. Thanks everyone for coming. Awesome.

7. Have you ever found something really good while cleaning out your room?: Why yes, today I found a packet of Indonesian cigarettes while I was cleaning out my room at my parents. It was a nice surprise.

8. What's your favourite colour?: Red

9. What was the dorkiest thing you did recently?: I organised my receipts.

10. Share a good SMS you have recently received: "Dont worry about it, i hadnt fallen asleep yet. i was just drifting around in the dark." -Naaman