In other news I bought a new dress today and I love it. It was one of those times where you walk into St Vincent de Paul's and you find an item of clothing that's OK and you think it might fit so you try it on and it's a perfect fit and you realise how much you love it and how could you not have seen how good it was a second ago and you must purchase it. That's how good the dress is. On my return home I was greeted by two items of mail, an invitation and a package. ........... s o g o o d ! 1 ! !

Sunday 13 February
I thought this picture of Mark and I was nice:

until I noticed this:

Saturday 12 February
I seem to be getting a lot of confused/suspect looks when I make comments like "I'm living it up in rich town" or "My parents have a lot of money" so I would like to take this opportunity to explain. I always thought it was annoying when people wealthier than me pretended to be not wealthy. Then one day (only fairly recently I'm ashamed to say) I turned it around on myself. I thought: who am I kidding? My parents own a house (not the largest ever house but it's pretty large) in some snob suburb. As of a few days ago they also own a farm. They own two late model cars. I have my own car. I have never seen the hide end of the last five dollars. I have never ever gone hungry. Sure my parents won't give me $20 every time I go out but I don't think they should be expected to. Sure in my childhood I had to dress in hand-me-downs and our parents wouldn't buy us every single toy we wanted but it's not like we went without and I think my childhood was probably better for it. Nobody had a cooler barbie house than we did and I think it was all the cooler because we made it. So who am I trying to kid that my parents don't have a lot of money? Especially since we've moved to Sinnamon Park. What's the point in living this ridiculous charade? I'm not going to be ashamed because my parents make a decent living. I'm livin' it up in rich town!

I was talking to Dave about the only tennis ball in the street. As my family was the last family to leave the neighbourhood I kept our first tennis ball. I went looking for it and unfortunately I could only find the second tennis ball but it is a damn fine ball and I'm glad I still have it. I think it takes about four years to properly break in a tennis ball and this one's got to be at least twelve years old so that's a good ball. It's probably for the best that I don't have our first tennis ball as I imagine it has diseases. If anyone wants to play a game of brandy... I have a tennis ball!

I heard a good outback saying today. From the lips of my Aunt Shiela: "That place charges like a bush bull!"

Friday 11 February
Today I tried my hand at making my non-Christian status official. I have been questioning the church since I was about thirteen. Partly to defend myself and partly to make the issue clear in my mind I have looked deep into the Christian (Catholic) religion and I feel I am at a stage where I can confidently say I do not want to be a Christian.

My main point of disagreement (besides the whole "god" issue) is that I refuse to believe that people are inherently bad. I don't think babies can be classified as good or bad and then as you grow older you are no longer inherently anything because you've been shaped by the environment that you've grown in and the things that have happened since.

Then there's the whole issue of an institution with laws that are meant to be relevant to every single situation ever. I believe that if there was a good enough reason I would murder somebody. I believe that there are situations where abortion is the best option, I certainly don't believe that it's evil to be homosexual, I believe that contraception is a fantastic idea, women are fine by me, gloves are nice if you like them and so on and so forth. I think that making people feel guilty about sex is only going to end badly for everyone involved. People want sex, sex is fun, sex should be available for anyone who wants it so long as they're not hurting somebody else with it. I think that if there was a god then s/he wouldn't want you to feel guilty about sex. And if s/he was petty enough to put it there as a test of mankind or something that s/he isn't the kind of person you want to hang around with anyway. Also I think that if there was a god s/he wouldn't want me to be associated with an institution that has caused so much suffering with its stupid laws. I do understand that Catholics are allowed to have a moral conscience, but still I don't like the idea of being associated with an institution with such backward ideals.

With all of this in mind I headed to the offices of the Catholic church in Brisbane. On the way there I realised how ridiculous it was that I was going to the offices of people representing a god. I didn't start laughing because I knew that if I did I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face once I got inside. Walking up to the offices I thought of the best way to phrase my request. In pure Catholic tradition I settled upon a vague sentence to soften the blow. "I have made the decision to part ways with the Catholic church and I was wondering if you could tell me how I could get my name taken off of the register." The receptionist, with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes explained to me that there was no register of Catholics per se, but perhaps I should ask at the Cathedral. The Cathedral receptionist, with a smile on her face and tears in her eyes explained that there was no register of Catholics per se, but perhaps I should try the parish where I was baptised. I called the parish. I got Pauline. There were no tears or smiles. Pauline is a hard woman who found my suggestion frankly ludicrous. She spluttered and finally managed, tightly "I have never heard of such a request" and later "perhaps you should just come to peace with your decision." The words "come to peace" sounded wrong coming out of her mouth. I am certain that by tomorrow the news of my defection from the church will be all over the parish. People I went to primary school will be shocked, and that's about all.

So what I have learned is that to stop being a Catholic all you have to do is stop coming to church and to stop being a Christian altogether all you have to do is stop believing in god. I might still go up to Booval and talk to the priest see if he'll write down next the record of my Baptism that I am now an atheist, but in truth it's been as official as it will get since grade eight. My other option is, of course, excommunication, but I understand that it's extremely difficult to get excommunicated as it's something that has to be decreed by the pope, probably when he's sitting in his infallible statements chair.* Perhaps if I joined a religion that had a clear leaving ritual I could null my Catholicism with that and then null that religion a short time later. I really would like to have my Catholicism officially nulled because it is such gross baggage and I wouldn't like there to be a situation where the church could somehow lay claim to my consciousness or body or ancestors or anything. It would be good to officially be a free agent in regards to my soul.

*I'm not making that up. The pope has a chair that he sits in when he wants to make statements that cannot in any circumstances be wrong.

Friday 11 February
Don�t you love her madly, don�t you need her badly
Don�t you love her as she�s walkin� out the door
Like she did one thousand times before

Thursday 10 February
I hate locking the doors at night because it always makes me think of why we lock doors at night and the thought of someone breaking into our house gives me the jibblies.

I have this thing about telling people about my life. I either do it too much or I don't do it at all. This journal is a good medium for saying stuff about myself, because nobody has to read it. Anyone who reads this journal does it, I presume, to read about my life. Their reasons are their own, but I don't think they would be that they feel obliged to hear this information, like in a conversation. This is why I should feel comfortable recording the events of my life in this journal. Despite this reasoning sometimes it makes me feel uncomfortable. If you want to hear my latest news give me a call.

It would be amiss of me not to mention my two latest big pieces of news: my parents have bought a farm and I have started at Hubbard's Academy. Hubbard's is good and bad. I enjoy chemistry. I don't enjoy being treated like a highschooler. I am going to Hubbard's because I need the pre-requisites to study science. I want to study science because I want to be a scientist. I really like the idea of being a scientist.

Thursday 10 February
When I was about four one of my cousins was in a very serious car accident and sustained, among other things, what they thought would be permanent blindness. Because you can't choose when these things happen my mother had to explain it to my sister and I when I was really too young to understand. (I really can't remember it all that well, I can't really remember if it was my cousin who went blind or somebody else and if my cousin is still blind because I don't really see her or at least I haven't for about a decade but I really want to tell this anyway so now at least you know all the faults in the story.) How do you explain to a four year old the ramifications of not being able to see? The answer is scarves. My mother went into her room and came out with two of her scarves. She told my sister and I to close our eyes, she wrapped them around our heads and the two of us spent the morning "blind." And that's the kind of person my mother is.

I was talking to Benjamin the other night and I mentioned the Sumerian culture. So the rest of the information is for him, but I'm sure most of you will find it interesting regardless.

Sumeria:

From http://www.sumeria.net/why.html - This is an explanation at why this guy named his site Sumeria (A collection of resources for exploring alternative ideas in health, science, and spirituality.)

: "How did you arrive at the name Sumeria?"
David Major (Creator of Sumeria): "I thought of Sumeria because they've always fascinated me on account of being the first serious civilisation that we know of. And the way they came into being is very mysterious, because according some archeologists, mankind was actually in a state of DECLINE, over thousands of years, until suddenly, out of nowhere, the Sumerians just appeared, complete with language, medicine, laws, astronomy, the whole bit. And their language and literature, and their cosmology, are what forms the root of both the European or Western culture, and also the cultures of the East.

From Wikipaedia I found:

Historian Alan Marcus says: "Sumerians held a rather dour perspective on life"

One Sumerian wrote: "Tears, lament, anguish, and depression are within me. Suffering overwhelms me. Evil fate holds me and carries off my life. Malignant sickness bathes me."

Another wrote, "Why am I counted among the ignorant? Food is all about, yet my food is hunger. On the day shares were allotted, my allotted share was suffering."

Sumerians believed that the universe consisted of a flat disk enclosed by a tin dome. The Sumerian afterlife involved a descent into a vile nether-world to spend eternity in a wretched existence as a Gidim (ghost).

The Sumerians are perhaps remembered most for their many inventions. Many authorities credit them with the invention of the wheel and the potter's wheel. Their cuneiform writing system was the first we have evidence of (with the possible exception of the highly controversial Old European Script), pre-dating Egyptian hieroglyphics by at least seventy five years. They were among the first formal astronomers. They invented the chariot and possibly military formations. Perhaps most importantly, the Sumerians ushered in the age of agriculturalism (it was previously mentioned that they had a system of canals and irrigation).

I would recommend reading the whole article which can be found at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sumeria . The beginning of this page http://www.emayzine.com/lectures/sumeria.htm is also a good overview, but then it gets into arguments over evolution versus creationism.

From http://www.psinvention.com/zoetic/base60.htm I found:

The Sumerian culture developed the Sexagesimal Numberbing system some 4000 to 6000 years ago. This system was developed into a rigoruous numbering system. The digits used were symbols which represented syllables instead of letters that were pressed into clay tablets. There were symbols representing ones and tens and were combined to represent the number of each place value.

For an in-depth look at the sexagesimal system I would recommend going here http://www-groups.dcs.st-and.ac.uk/~history/HistTopics/Babylonian_numerals.html

Here's some information on their calender http://www.crystalinks.com/sumercalendars.html and indeed this page seems to be a rich source of Sumerian facts http://www.crystalinks.com/sumer.html

Unfortunately I couldn't find all the information about their numbering system being tied up with their religious beliefs, but they are an interesting culture all the same.

Sunday 6 February
The Shins concert was a-ok. I really enjoyed the Shins, seeing people again, the first half of the Boat People's set and seeing how incredibly uncool the Boat People were.

I ran into Rachelle Smith, which was incredibly lovely. I used to be really close to her (I believe there is a journal entry on this subject somewhere) and was sad that we were no longer friends. It turns out that our friendship was victim to the rumour-circuit of All Hallows', which I guess happens. The weird thing was that it was Katie Doney telling the rumours. The whole time I just thought it was Rachelle's interpretation of events, but instead it was Katie Doney who for whatever reason kept pretending to be friends with me anyway. I don't really mind, it was just a little left field. I don't think that I'll turn into Rachelle's closest friend overnight but it is nice to think that next time I see her we can have a good, old-fashioned chin-wag and that maybe I could call her from time to time. Perhaps I can even hang out with both her and Altec, as they are now good friends. That would be wonderful.

The Boat People: a study in what not to do if you're trying to make it in the Brisbane indie scene.

The Boat People featured four guys with the following defining features
-Stupid hair guy
-Too much red cordial guy
-Some other guy
-The Drummer (who was wearing the incredibly uncool hibiscus shirt of grade eight fashion)

The Boat People had the following stickers on their amp:
-Gorgeous : Uncool
-george : Super uncool
-Free Tibet : Trying too hard with an obvious cause

The too much red cordial guy kept trying to make funny quips, but they weren't funny.

The Boat People played for too long. Their song about Possums wasn't cool, even though it tried so hard to be cool by mentioning New Farm.

All in all I thought the Boat People were pretty cute because I know that I don't make it in the Brisbane music scene and I identify with their failure. It was like they knew all the wrong things to do but they just couldn't stop themselves doing them. And then they kept trying and failing. The only faux pas that they didn't commit was wearing t-shirts featuring themselves or any of the other bands playing. They were so so so so cute and I just wanted to take them home and put them in a cage.

The Boat People were uncool, but they kept trying and that just made them more uncool.

Saturday 5 February
First Course, Chloe Style
Job Procured: cleaning parent's house
Restaurant : I am cooking for myself
Location : home
Position : chief executive cleaner
Head Chef : parents
Hours : about 6 hours last Wednesday and Thursday
Enrolment Procured : none
Fitness : Good!
Hair : in a bun all messy like Mark would be proud of
Current Reading : Close Encounters of the Third Kind by Steven Spielberg. Somebody please lend me something decent.
Recent Burns : none
Sex Drive : low
Funds : $20/wk with an extra $40 for that cleaning. Was $40 worth cleaning my parents pubic hair off of the floor of their shower? Self respect down to an all time low.
Rooms that have smelt of foods not present in the house : two - my parents room smelt like roasting potatos and the sewing room smelt like a really rich chocolate cake
Mysterious glasses I have come across in the house : Two
Misguided attempt to re-arrange all the furniture in the house : One
Recent social outings : One pending

Tuesday 1 February
OK, so I've gone through and done the maths on all of the important groups of people I've been friends with since I was fourteen and here are the important statistics:

Groups of friends who I never got close to and then callously rejected: 2

Groups of friends who I got very close to, but am better off without: 1

Number of people who I am no longer friends with, but would like to be: 1

Number of people who I am no longer close friends with, but would like to be: about 10

Number of manipulative people who I was drawn to and ended up very close to: 2

And: the best friendships appeared to be those ones where I unconditionally liked someone

And this brings us up to about halfway through grade twelve with a lot more perspective. I am not the bad judge of character I thought I was, except when it comes to getting very close to manipulative people. Most of the people who I thought hated me are no longer relevant, bringing groups of people who hate me with relevance down to the manageable one. My big, repeated mistake was not taking into account that people liked me, then stomping on their feelings with big cement boots because I thought they wouldn't care.

Tuesday 1st February
I have updated my photos page again. There are seven new ones, the first five from New Years' and another two from whenever. I particularly recommend this one: http://www.geocities.com/courageous_action/15cphotos/helenhat.jpg