Skleenball!!

"Let us go forth, and engage in our ageless pastime. For our lives will soon find meaning in epic conquests of glory that our heros gloriously wrest from their foes by running back and forth on a field." -Queen Alibanitumba, 1084

Skleenball is the national sport of Pistrix, originating sometime in the 800's. It has some similarites to soccer, except that the use of hands by players is encouraged, four teams play at intersecting goals at each corner of a square field, and 40 players play on each team at the same time. Variatons and rule adjustments have besieged the game over the years. While Pistrix, in hopes of joining the international community, has formed its first soccer team to compete in international competitions, skleenball remains the favorate spectator sport of the people..

Rules of Note:

> During the season, games in league play are played one after another. This gaurentees that there is a skleenball game going on 24 hours a day, every day. This is hoped to rejuvinate interest in the sport after such a long haitus due to the Referee Strike.

> Referees are no longer allowed on the Skleenball field. Once there were 8 referees on the field during the game. A recent rule addition gave them the opportunity to compete in the contest themselves. If they call a certain number of penalties, they score a point. With this new rule in place, the "Refs" landslided every single match of the season. When the USAP attempted to remove the new rule, the Referees went on strike, suspended the Skleenball season for three years. The rule has since been retracted, the "Refs" are working in lead mines, and officiating is now done by the play by play announcers from the press box.

> Ties are forbidden in skleenball. In 1107, King Lurid proclamed that any teams that play to a draw will be executed. This occurred seven times in the five years of his rule, whereafter the rule was changed to a "mock execution", and a teamwide suspension for the remainer of the season.

> During the playoffs, one player on each team is given a 13 meter long pole to carry around on the field. This player swings the pole around him as he runs. This is the "Leperman" postion, as he is avoided on the field by teamates and opponents alike.

> Originally, the ball was made from the decapitated heads of criminals. The severed head was then replaced with a leather ball shaped like a head and filled with entrails, which was later replaced by a leather ball filled with "symbloic entrails" of cloth, soaked in Needlesnake blood. The Needlesnake blood was then replaced due to serious outbreaks of Needlesnake Madness (mass dimensia) caused by fumes emited from the ball (at first thought to be "renewed" vigor for the sport, the cause was not determined until several games into the season when mass canabalism broke out). Today, the "symbolic entrails" are now dipped in "symbolic blood" made of grape juice, and are then covered in mercury and asbestos.

> The National Anthem of Pistrix is played at random intervals during the game. All players must stop and salute the flag immediately during the Anthem, or be penalized.

> A new sport, "Arena Skleenball" is played indoors during the winter. As the field is much smaller, there are only 5 players on a team. In order to slow down the game, it is played in 30 centimeters of water. Also, the 13 meter pole is replaced with an electric cattle prod.

> Most teams will fine their goalkeeper a large fee for every goal that they give up. As a result, most goalkeepers will have several part-time jobs on the side, or are otherwise independantly wealthy.

> Corn is prohibited on the field at all times. Long story.

> Minimum attendance requirements at all league games must be met, or the home team suffers the "mock execution" penalty.

> Any game attended by an Emperor is automatically awarded to whichever team the Emperor is rooting for. As the Imperial government has been overthrown, this transfers to the Chancellor, except that the Chancellor only handles instant replay responsibilities.

> The losing team is required to pray to Jebus for forgivenss after the game is over.

> In order to curb corruption, players are required to bet on their own team for each game. This forces them to play well, or so the rule suggests.

> The winner of each game is rewarded by the team's owner with a pizza party, while the losers get snowcones at the snack bar.

> Instead of representing cities, as in many other non-Pistran sports, skleenball teams are represented by corporate sponsors.

> Every season a Citizen's Force team is created to give the average Pistrix citizen a chance to participate in the professional Skleenball League. All citizens who wish to participate enter the field, typically one to three thousand players, whereby each round the losers or wounded are eliminated from the game, eventually leaving two actual-sized teams that compete for two final rounds. The winning team goes on as the Citizen's Force team for the duration of the Skleenball season.

United Skleenball
Association of Pistrix
(USAP)
League of Teams

Giant Radish Industries Blackholes
Jimmy Time Cupcakes Bakers
Dethcom Dynamics Bloody, Bloody Raiders
Bananco Chaps
Savage Comics Impalers
Pistek Labrats
Wise Old Man Co. Needlesnake Survivors
Dukebold Publishing Pistol Whippers
Warlord Bank Sentinels
Squishyville Enterprises Sharks
Norton Glueworks Sticky Buddies
Swivey Industries Troubadours
Citizen's Force