Discovered at the gates of an orphanage one dreary morning in Bol Cambus, the social workers who discovered her gave her the name of the warrior queen, Michelle the Fantastic, who crusaded for orphan's rights in 1276. The name Campbell came from the sign on the Campbell Barber College across the street.
Michelle eventually attended the barber college, like most of the other orphans, of whom little was expected in life. But Michelle was different. One day, she left the school to pursue a career as a freelance archeologist. After years of study and hard work, she dscovered the Crown of Ulyst in the Saintly Mountains. The bearer of which, the legend said, would be come the ruler of the Bol Bascus Kingdom, which had by that time become the Bol Cambus Provence.
After a bitter dispute with the sitting Baron, Marquis de Smedley, Campbell won control of the provence. Shortly afterwards, she immedately led the effort by the Baronies of Pistrix to rebel against the Emperors' regime.
Campbell continued to risk everything that she had worked so hard to gain for the cause of freedom. Her devotion to the cause inspired many who were still hesitant to gamble what they had to fight for what was right. Even after Bol Cambus was sacked and her home destroyed, she continued to fight on, risking her very life many times over, until the war's end.
A late edition to the Supreme Council, Campbell was a dark horse candidate during the first Chancellorship election. In a stunning upset, she won a narrow three-way election against Ministers Jake Rezac and Dino Snyder. As the nation's first Chancellor, she now commands the government of Pistrix through calm and thoughtful rule.
Supreme Chancellor Michelle Campbell currently resides inside the Republican Palace (formerly the Imperial Palace), and also owns a donkey ranch just outside of Bol Cambus, where she continues to serve as Baroness. She is considered an expert in the fields of archeology, animal husbandry, and linear mathmatics (all self-taught). Her hobbies include field skleenball, quantum theory, donkey castration, and stamp collecting.
My friends, I now take my leave from public service to the people of Pistrix. Our great country fills me with a warmth and serenity that is matched only by my hope that the nation we have thus so far nobly advanced will continue to make me proud to call myself a Pistran (or Pissyan, depending on whatever I call myself at any given time). I now look forward to again becoming a private citizen of our fair land, justified in the work I have done, and confident in the current leaders within the government to carry on the cause of Pistrix. I give my best wishes to the noble Supreme Chancellor, to the illustrious members of the Supreme Council of Ministers, and to the people of Pistrix themselves. All that I accomplished in my term, I owe to all of you. Now, as I prepare for my new life at my home in Bol Cambus, I look forward to the skleenball matches and donkey castrations that other citizens are free to enjoy, and I watch, with the rest of our country, the leaders of Pistrix, both present and future, who will bear the standard of grapes and glory, and to carry it over the horizon. As my time at the helm draws to an end, I am glad to know that Pistrix itself will carry on.
Thank you one and all, and "Grapes for All Time".
My fellow Pistrans, in the time I have served you as Chancellor, I have always tried my best to do what was right for my country. I have fought to protect the rights of the people, and still maintain order throughout the land. I have opened friendly relations with other countries, and made no hostile enemies to threaten us. I have participated in the Supreme Council, so far as the Office of the Chancellor can. Finally, I have not impeded the freedom of the people of Pistrix to excercise their opinion and will.
But now, it is time for me to step away from the spotlight of public service, and move on to other things, as a private citizen. I have served my duty as Supreme Chancellor, and am fully willing and ready to step aside, so another may hold the reins of power. I look forward to at last returning to a life of reflection, study, skleenball, and donkey castration that awaits me at my home in Bol Cambus.
I thank you, people of Pistrix, for all of your support and good wishes. I call upon the future Chancellor-Elect, whomever that may be, to guide our glorious nation with wisdom, courage, and above all, common sense. Do not see yourselves a above the will of the Pistran people, or they will surely overrun you, as they did the Emperors. To those who remain on the Supreme Council, I hope that you will continue to look towards the best interest of the people, and secure not only their protection, but their freedoms as well. And to all the citizens of Pistrix, stand proud and true, and keep your faith that better things are always on the horizon, and someday, you will find that your faith is justified.
Oh, and nothing beats the smooth, refreshing taste of Imperial Beer. Thank you, and good nite.
The People of Pistrix have struggled long and hard for their freedom. Our predicessors gave their lives to that cause which we now enjoy to the fullest. It is now our responsibility, to perserve that freedom for future generations of Pistrans to enjoy. Therefore, I am calling upon the illustrous Supreme Council of Ministers to enact this Bill of Freedoms, to preserve the basic rights which have fueld our yearning for freedom over the centuries.
A citizen of Pistrix cannot be made to become an endentured servant to someone else. With the exception of the crime of copyright infringement, all Pistrans have the right to be free from the bondage of slavery and the evils that dwell within the hears of those who would enslave them.
A citizen of Pistrix may speak his mind, and hold an opinion that is not necessarily in concensus with the government, or even the majority of the populace. It is with ideas that we forge our futures. Good ideas and bad ideas alike can clear a path through the wilderness to the paradise we all aspire to.
A citizen of Pistrix who is convicted of any crime, has the right to a trial. While this may burden our courts with far more cases than it can possibly handle, it is a small price to pay for guarenteeing that justice is done for all Pistrans everywhere.
A citizen of Pistrix can be right-handed, left-handed, ambidextrious, no-handed, or even polidextrious, and should suffer no disadvantage or prejudice because of thier hand preference. The same condition applies for those who may suffer the natural, but unintnetional release or encactment of anti-social bodily functions. No one should ever be discredited for not being able to "hold it."
Finally, a citizen of Pistrix must always feel secure in his or her inalienable and implied rights to grapes, glory, and the freedom from harrasment and attack from the needlesnake. If we can all learn to respect each others' rights as we cherish our own, together, we can lead the great Republic of Pistrix into a new golden age.
Like all freedom-loving peoples of the world, the people of Pistrix respect the rights of individuals to have differences of opinoin on virtually all matters. Indeed, our own nation has such a diverse and wide-ranging palette of views on the social and political matters of the day, that we can celebrate our differences, instead of returning to the terrifying prospect of civil war, which we have come to realize is ultimately fruitless. The role of a representative government, is to give an open forum to the individual, that his or her rights will be recognized, and still have the greater good of the nation as a whole be administered in a fair and just manner. Such is the complicated, yet noble method of republican government.
Still, others insist on harboring a more controlling, and debilatating political system by which to live under. The theory of communism may be equal sharing on blessings, hardship, and responsibilities, but in practice, is only a breeding grounds for corruption and misery. Far too easily, a government based on the communistic philisopies can fall under the cruel hammer of totalitarian regimes. Communism is a disruptive and destructive ideology to indroduce into a crisis, such as is now taking place with our neighbors to the south.
The Republic of Pistrix supports President Fernandez and the National Government in Santiago, Especias. They are the recognized and legitimate government of that natnion, and we would condemn any attempt to overthrow that government by force, while legal avenues towards a peaceful change of power go unavailed by those who look to impose their will upon the peoples of Especias. As Supreme Chancellor of the Republic of Pistrix, I offer my support to President Fernandez and the Especian National Government.
Our beloved nation of Pistrix has undergone numerous hardships and pains to attain the freedom that our people demand we provide. The reign of terror must now end. We must enter an era of peace and understanding. The Imperial Government in Pistrix fell because it believed it's authority superceded the rights of the citizens. The people of Pistrix sought to defend their basic rights and freedoms that all humankind must ultimately enjoy. Directive Number Twenty Seven, the so-called "Freedom Act", would have robbed the people of Pistrix the right to have a government that does not use shock tactics to enforce its will upon the populace. Citizens must not live in fear of being tortured, or even witnessing the torture of another human being. This is why I have decided to exercise the power vested in me by the Pistrix Constitution, to veto this legislation, and keep the new Republic from degrading into the medeval barbarism of centuries past.
Fellow Pistrrans, we stand at a crossroads in our history. A tempest of conflict grows around us, and we must be ready, should some belligerent power see fit to take our young nation as a target for expansion. Our military forces are great, but must be improved to face this serious threat. As a result, I am calling for a full-scale upgrade and renovation program for the naval forces charged with defending our shores.
The Chancellor's Navy will expand its size and capability to help further protect our intrest along our many shorelines and beyond. This Naval Legitimacy Act will take place over the next three years, and expand our naval forces to over 5 times its current size when it is through. It will establish, for the first time, submarine and naval air forces in the Pistrix Armed Forces. We will learn and develop new naval technologies to build grand new warships and upgrade our current vessels.
No longer will our navy be a place for disgraced army officers or impotent air force personnel. The Chancellor's Navy will soon be a floating shield to protect our great land. The shining example of Pistrix's relentless pursuit of eternal glory and heroism.
Greetings, fellow Pistrans. For years, Pistrix has remained in turbulent solitude from the rest of the world. The xenophobic emperors of the past have always shunned outside influences and relations. As a result, our peoples have grown self-reliant, but cultrually and economically unfufilled. The time has come in our nation's glorious history, that we finally offer an outstretched hand to our neighbors, both near and far. That is why I intend to open diplomatic, economic, military, and cultural ties with several of our neighbors on the continent of Kwasina and beyond.
I intend to open alliances to help maintain and organize our military forces to insure our security. I intend to open up trade agreements to stabilize our economy and make headway into the international market. I intend to enact several cultural exchange programs designed to stimulate a cultural renassance in Pistran society. Finally, I intend to embark on a domestic campaign to stop the flow of illegal mercury thermometers from infesting our society.
With the help of you, the citizens of Pistrix, we can accomplish all of these things within the dawn of our glorious new reign in the Republic of Pistrix.
"I, Michelle Campbell, do solemnly vow, upon my deepest convictions, to defend, protect, and nurture the Sovereign Republic of Pistrix with every fiber of my existence, from this point until the crest of eternity. I forever pledge to devote myself to the Pistran cause and insure my great nation's place in glorious order of justice and heroism. This I swear, upon whichever God I worship."
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