Written in June 2000
Table of Contents
Introduction
Change My Life Around
The Wedding Day
"LET US GO"
Scarlet Letter "H"
Against me
Calendar
"Papa, I am home"
Conclusion
"Papa, I am home"
Chapter 6
People say, "Oh, Joe is fine now." Or "Get it off your mind, it is over, let her go." "She used you, Joe." You know what? I hate that a lot. How can a person be happy now after five years of marriage and then left? Be happy now? Boy, that is a joke. Maybe from the outside, but not inside. Yes lm hurting, this heart has not been broken in 1997, but my heart broke in small pieces. People say, "Stop feeling like that." How? I have a big loving heart and it takes a long time to heal. Yes, I have God. So if I cry or hurting let me do it. I just want my feeling to come. I do not want to keep and hide my feeling inside.
Our daughter, Joslyn was three years' old when this happen. I can feel her hurt and pain too. We have for four days and Emelyn for two days (on her days off). When Emelyn calls for Joslyn on the phone or comes over to pick her up a take her on Emelyn's days off. Joslyn says at three years old, "No, I don't want to." Also, when Joslyn prays that night, she mentions everybody names. "Bless my . . . " My mom or me asked her, "How about mommy?" She says, "No, I do not want to. I am afraid."
There are two dates that I remember. First, on March 5, I was home in the room working on the computer. When Joslyn came in the door feom her mom's house. She said aloud, "Papa, I am home." That melts my heart when I heard that. So I went out to her. Then on June 26, when Emelyn brought Joslyn at the house. No, she is not working. She to three weeks vacations and leaving Joslyn with us for two weeks. She is going to Las Vegas. When I asked Joslyn how are you, where did you go today? Joslyn answered me, "Papa, I am fine. I went bye-bye with mama and papa. I have two papas." OUCH! We, (my sister, my parents and me) are teaching Joslyn and saying to Joslyn, "You have only one papa."
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