Wake Up its Only a Dream

Written in June 2000

Introduction
Change My Life Around The Wedding Day
"LET US GO"
Scarlet Letter "H"
Against me Calendar
"Papa, I am home"
Conclusion

Scarlet Letter "H"

Chapter 4

You know that phrase; "love is blind." Well it is true. On December 28,1997 at 10:00 p.m. Emelyn got her clothes and left me. Am I heartbroken? Heartbroken, is not the right word? In my case, it did not just break in two, but in tiny pieces. This is what happened.

Emelyn began to work full time in April of 1997, as a Certified Nurses Aid in Walnut Creek, CA. My parent love Emelyn and was happy to have her as a part of the family, knowing that I would be very happy. They paid for Emelyn's education.

Also when she started her job, we stopped going to church. I even wake her up early enough to get us (Joslyn, herself) and me ready, but she did not want to get up. I stopped waking her up because she said on a one Sunday morning to me. “If you want to go, go and call someone to pick up, but I am not getting up to change you.” Keep in mind it is only once a week. She can come home from work between 12:30 and 1:00 a.m. yet can get up at 5:00 a.m. to go back to work at 7:00 a.m.

Then last six months before she left, we had not been getting along. We would always argue or not talk to each other at all. She would always say, "I will divorce you." As for me, I would always say, "No, I do not want a divorce, I do not believe in it."

Then it was after this time that things began to change for Emelyn and me. Her care for our daughter became sporadic because of her job schedule, and she spent less and less time with both of us. Her attitude and behavior toward my family and myself became irregular and hostile. SHE WOULD SAY HARMFUL THINGS TO ME AS A HUSBAND AND A FATHER. She was well aware of my physical limitations long before she accepted my proposal of marriage. Emelyn often complained about having to take care of the baby and me. She became tired and frustrated with our living situation. She often cited the fact that I could not satisfy her financial and personal needs.

Her personal anger and frustration aimed at me caused great mental anguish and personal inner pain. It was clear to me that they were destroying all she had promised to keep sacred and important in our marriage. I tried to overlook many of her negative comments, especially insulting me personally about my disability and standard of living. Moreover, she turned her back to everything we had promised to each other in creating a happy and nurturing family. I was very upset. So upset and so frustrated, I went out with my electric wheelchair with nowhere to go and I wanted to end my life. I went through the traffic lights, swirling around in my wheelchair hoping that I had got ran over to end my life. My parents were so worried. My mother called 911. Nobody could calm me down, so the officers suggested that I go to the county hospital since I could not stop crying because of being so hurt and I that did not want to go home. I did it twice.

She would go to parties without me. Her reason is that I do not know her friend. She would always say to me, "Give me a break." Did she know my friends when she came here? NO! I was proud for my wife to know all of my friends.

Also two years ago my family and us have a plan to visit the Philippines for a vaction in 1999. We did, that is my parents, sister, Joslyn and me. Get this, a few weeks after Emelyn left me, she ask us, "Dad, Mom, can I still go with you to the Philippines?" No, she didn't come. It was sad, but it was her lost.

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