THE END TIMES
VOLUME IV || ISSUE 2 || FEBRUARY 8, 2007
Non-Discussion Clouds the Topic of Female Toe-Sucking
Talent Show Cancelled for 2007
Zombies Invade JBU Campus
Surprise. Zombies are invading.
Yeah, I know you, Mr. Zombies-Aren�t-
Real-You�Guys-Are-Idiots. You think this
is another ridiculous shock story trying to
scare the weak and foolish. Turns out, recent
studies suggest that JBU students are
above average when it comes to recognizing
fallacies and the preposterous. Realizing
this, we have taken a new approach
to reach the enlightened members of the
campus. Here is our new story to meet
the needs of our 21st century readership:
Join the Facebook group �Make
JBU a Real Bubble to Protect Against
Zombies� and make a difference. The
school board as well as the government closely tracks what groups are popular,
and will make concessions to their
demands based on the numbers that
join them. It was not too long ago that a
freshman would announce in a Hot Topic
Chapel that �he was eighteen and could
drink if he wanted to,� and would merely
be passed off as a moron. Now that same
freshman can join hundreds of other
like-minded persons online, and create
a group such as �Make the Legal Drinking
Age 18,� and if they whine in unison,
things will happen. So if you are as
frightened about the undead, do what will
affect the most change; Make a Facebook
group.
All material presented within this site Copyright 2004-2007 of the Staff of the END TIMES. All rights reserved.
All offense is intended and unintentional. No matter where you go, there you are. Listen to your mother and eat
your vegetables. Do not smoke if you are pregnant.
Direct all questions and concerns to Mr. End Times Editor.